I started reading The Single Woman by Mandy Hale and one of the things she talks about is stress. She told this story of how she noticed that stress was affecting her everyday life. She even noticed it in the way she drives her car. She hunches over the steering wheel paranoid of what could happen and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I do the same thing!! I didn’t even realize it affected my driving or how I sit in a chair or how I communicate with people. I know it’s affected my friendships. I have this completely irrational fear that secretly everyone hates me. I feel like I need to constantly tell people how much they mean to me or how much I love them so they’ll always know. Every time I tell them though I get scared that I’m suffocating them or smothering them. Like by loving them so much that I’m pushing them away. Like I’m overwhelming them or being to clingy. Like I need to give them space so, then I try to give them space and I worry that they’ll forget me. I’m scared they will realize they don’t need me and that will push them away. Like it is a constant struggle. Like no matter what I do, it pushes people away.
I’ve tried to cut the anxiety and stress and worry out of my life. I know these are irrational fears. Mandy Hale wrote about her own experience and how she doesn’t know how to relax. I can totally relate. I can’t sit still, period. I have to always be doing something. Except I can’t do anything alone either. Like I can’t even go to church alone. I haven’t been in a while, except when I’m in Birmingham, because I’m scared. I know that it doesn’t make any sense so, why do I still let the fear control my life? Trent Shelton said: “the will of God will never take you where the grace of God does not protect you.” I need to remember that more.
Plus, I’m completely and utterly terrified of Cruella De Vil. Like she totally haunted my nightmares for like ever. They are bringing 101 Dalmatians out of the Disney Vault and putting the “diamond edition” on dvd. (Ummm there is nothing sparkly about Cruella! Put that thing back in the vault!)
When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. Psalm 56:3
“The phrase ‘do not be afraid’ is written in the Bible 365 times. That’s a daily reminder from God to live everyday being fearless.”
There is this quote on pinterest that says “to pray is to let go and let God take over.” Then is lists Philippians 4:6-7 which says: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I stop letting fear lead me. I pray that I have the courage to look towards you instead. I pray that you put your hand on my life. I pray that I learn to relax and calm down. I pray I learn to take a deep breath and breathe. I pray that I learn to take the advice from Mandy Hale’s book by taking a dance class or painting or simply taking a bubble bath more often. I pray that no matter how scared I get or how hurt I’ve been that I keep loving those around me. I pray that I keep showing love to those around me. I pray that I love myself more too, anxiety and all. I pray that I go to church and spend more time with you even if I have to walk in alone. I pray that you give me strength. I pray that I let go of the fear. Thank you for making me free to love by loving me. I pray that I listen to your word more and let go of my fears and trust in you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.