Show me the love I say I believe.

I was desperately seeking You so, I picked up that book my person gave me. Yesterday, the title hit home: “Not understanding everything.” March 8th’s verse is Proverbs 3:5-6 which says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. I’ve heard those verses so many times and each time I do, it means more.

I’m gonna break down my thoughts during the books explanation:

“By the time we reach adulthood, most of us are pretty good at figuring things out.” Well, I’m not really good at this adulting thing yet, but I’m trying.  Trying counts right? Nope. There’s daddy’s voice again saying: “Stop trying and do it.” “But in some areas our understanding may still be limited or flawed.” That’s for sure. Half the time, I still don’t have a clue what’s going on. Especially right now. I don’t the foggiest idea what You want me to do, who to be, or where to go. I thought graduation was going to tie up everything I’ve worked for with a nice little bow and it was going to be the stepping stone to my future. Truth is, I’ve never been more lost. Three months from now and my entire world is going to be changed and I have no idea what direction I’m taking. “That’s the joy of the promise in the verses above. God doesn’t expect us to understand everything perfectly.” Ok, good because I’m lost. “In fact, he warns us not to depend on our understanding but to depend on his perfect knowledge. We don’t just go our merry way, operating on what we assume or think to be true-we’re to look for God’s guidance. He wants to lead us.” This is where the hard part comes. Learning to let go and let God. Lord, way too often I try to figure things out on my own and then seek You. I should be calling Your name first. “Next time we start to set our own course, let’s pause and pray. Let’s follow God’s compass when we’re wondering which way to walk.” Ok, I’m gonna slow down, take a breath, I’m listening. Father, lead me. Show me which way to walk.

I remembered this part I read in Fervent:

“Because the fact is, He is quietly working on your behalf without any fanfare. Preparing, arranging, and planning for your good. He is all-powerful. He is sovereign. He is right and true and eternally glorious, impervious to the enemy’s intentions. And whatever comes next in your life, it will be undoubtedly be another opportunity for you to be swept into your Father’s arms and carried through it. And that is where you want to be. Because in His arms, you’ll know the beauty of His peace-‘the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension’ and which guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:7).”

So, that is my prayer today. Thank you for open arms. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for being here. Thank you for guarding my heart and my mind. Thank you for working on my behalf. Thank you for your preparations, your arrangements, and your plans.  I pray that I lay mine down. Lord, help to lay it down, once and for all. Lord, help me lay down my control. Help me lay down my trust issues. Help me lay down my plans. Help me lay down my understanding, my confusion, my misdirection. Lord, help me to follow you instead of getting lost on my own. Lord, move me. Guide me. Lead me. Show me the path. Lord, open my eyes. Father, carry me. I can’t do this on my own. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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I wanna seek You first.

Yet again Lysa Terkeurst’s understood what I was going through. On the radio this morning, I heard her speak about being “the hurried woman.” The kind of woman who is running around and making sure everything is done on her to do list. I related to this more than I care to admit. Then she literally talked about going grocery shopping and how the hurried woman runs in with her list and is so busy with her own life that she doesn’t share You with the sales clerk or anyone in the store. I’m a Martha type of woman. I’m the one cleaning the house and preparing everything and making sure everything is perfect. I like my lists. I like having back up plans and I like being prepared.

Life has things I’m not ready for though, no matter how much I plan. My person got me this book for Christmas called The One Year Book Of Bible Promises. Each day is a verse and discussion of that verse. To be honest, I got behind in my reading. Part of being that “hurried woman” is not taking enough time to spend with You. Today, I went to catch up and started with June 13, the day of my person’s wedding. I thought it was cute that the verse was in Matthew since she was marrying Matthew! So, Matthew 6:33 says: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. The discussion then talks about this verse being the principle for overcoming worry. Then towards the end of the discussion it says: “What are you in need of? Food? Clothing? A place to live? A decent job? A drivable car? You can trust God to provide for your needs.” Excuse me? Did that thing just say a drivable car? That’s cute. Ok, God, You have my attention. I have been preparing for this day  and I have an emergency kit packed for just about anything thanks to help from Pinterest. However, I did not plan for my car battery to die last Saturday. Especiallyyy not during my person’s wedding ceremony when I still had to drive to the reception. You wanna talk about worry? I was about five seconds from a panic attack, but I didn’t have one. You had me. You never left me. You surrounded me with Your love. After the reception was over, my phone was as dead as my car battery. Because when something is wrong, what do I do? Call Daddy. That worry started flooding in again. Still You had me. I was ok. Still You never left me.

In Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl, Lysa Terkeurst wrote: “The more we make a habit of applying God’s Word to our lives, the more it becomes a part of our nature, our natural way of acting and reacting. Knowing God’s Word and doing what it says not only saves us from heartbreak and trouble, it also brings more satisfaction to our souls than anything else ever could. Think about that for just a minute. Aren’t security and satisfaction what many people spend their every waking minute pursuing? Yet, the world’s answers are temporary facades that disappoint every time. Not just sometimes, every time.” Then she goes on to say: “I can delight in the fact that the things that make me feel weak only serve to make me a stronger, more capable person.” 

Ok, so, maybe my car battery needing to be replaced wasn’t the end of the world. I probably should have remembered that it had been 4 years since I got a new one and been prepared. The car battery is not really the important part. You are. I am learning to seek You first. I am learning to lean on You. I am learning to trust You. Replacing the car battery is a temporary fix. I will have to replace it again in a few years. Knowing Your word, though, that is an eternal fix. That changes me. That moves me. That becomes a part of me. That shapes me.

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I seek you first. I pray that I find you more. I pray that I keep you first. I pray that I act more like you. I pray that I react with your love. I pray that I get to know your word more. I pray that I make more time to spend with you and in your word. I pray for the hurried woman inside of me and all of the rest of the hurried women. I pray that we slow down. I pray that we see you more and share you more with others. I pray that I remember Matthew 6:33. I pray that I apply that verse to my life. I pray that I take Lauren Daigle’s song with me. Lord, thank you for reminding me that you are always with me. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for taking care of me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.