I keep a close watch on this heart of mine.

Day 3 in the 30-Day Challenge for Single Christian Women is deal breakers.

  1. Anger
  2. Playing Games
  3. Family

Anger. Let’s just go ahead and start with the big one. I can’t deal with it. I’ve worked my whole life to not let anger control me, to practice grace and patience. And Lord, you know better than anyone, sometimes I let it get the best of me. But I cannot and will not spend the rest of my life scared or controlled by anger. I need what Suzanne Collins wrote in The Hunger Games: “what I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again.” I need someone to love me like You love me. I need someone willing to put in the work to communicate in healthy ways without getting all riled up and throwing a hissy fit. Lord, I need someone strong.

Playing Games. I am all for nerf gun wars and playing monopoly until 2 o’clock in the morning. I am all for acting silly and playing around like a bunch of kids. But I cannot have my heart toyed with. My heart is not a play thing. My emotions cannot be pulled like a game of tug-of-war. Lord, I need someone gentle.

Family. Lord, I do not want to spend the rest of my life fighting with family that don’t like me. I do not have the energy to fight with anyone. It is just not in me. I will fight for someone until my last breath, but I ain’t fighting with someone. There is a huge difference. And Lord, I want a house full of kids. I want to foster, adopt, the whole shebang. I want a house full of love, laughter, and all the gray hairs and wrinkles that come with it. Lord, I need someone with a big heart.

Lord, as much as I say these are my deal breakers, I know that where You guide, You provide. So, if I am blessed with a man who has all three of these things, I will love him and learn to have some more patience. I will still praise You.

So, here is my prayer. I pray that he walks the line. I pray that I walk the line. I pray that we walk the line together. I pray that we walk with you. I pray that I find the dandelion in the spring. I pray that he is strong, patient, and slow to anger. I pray that he is gentle, intentional, and kind. I pray that he has a big heart, that he is loving and generous. I pray that he knows that he loved. I pray that he is willing to work and grow. I pray that I am willing to work and grow. I pray that no matter what, we praise you, together and apart. I pray that I put my trust in you, Lord. I pray that for him I’d even try to turn the tide. I pray that I do everything in my power to protect him and honor him and give glory to you. I pray that you guide me. I pray that I follow. I pray that I am prepared for where you are leading. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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You’re making this life so beautiful.

Today, is gonna be a good day. I am so ready for today. Class got pushed back by half an hour so, I get to sleep a few more minutes. We have a busy day ending with Thanksgiving Dinner with my sisters and then we’re going to see the next Hunger Games movie, Mockingjay Part 1. (Which I’m totally not ready for! I’m gonna cry my eyes out when Peeta gets hurt!)

I’ve been thinking about this song today and all the beauty that today holds. (And I don’t just mean my face because we are taking hundreds of pictures today! Even though my outfit is pretty great today!)

Lord, there is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now. Like what direction my life is headed in after college, but I’m laying it all at Your feet. I want to be lost in You. I’m giving You my life. Lead me where You want me. I am getting closer and closer to the next stage and as scary as it is, I am so ready for it. I’m ready to get out there and do something. I’m ready to begin the next chapter. The more lost I became this year, the more I found You. I think I needed to let go of some of me, to find more of You. I still have things to work on. I am a work in progress. You are guiding me and giving my life new meaning. Lord, You are changing my heart this year. I am learning a lot. I am being put to the test this year. I am being pushed harder than ever. I am realizing things that I hadn’t before. I am leaning on You and trusting You in ways I haven’t done.

“I’m after Your heart. You’ve stolen mine”

So, that is my prayer today. Thank you for today. Thank you for letting me see the beauty in today. Thank you for leading me. Thank you for changing me. Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for the many blessings in my life. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for setting me free and taking away the chains. Thank you for being strong enough. Thank you for waking me up today with purpose. Thank you for showing me the good in the small things. I pray that I continue to see the beauty in what you gave us. I pray that I continue to grow in you. I pray I keep moving forward. I pray that while I’m scared that I don’t lose sight of you. I pray that I put my worry and stress at the feet of the cross. I pray that I focus on you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.