I’m fixing my eyes on You.

Part of this weekend’s homework for my marketing class was to take the VALS survery. The survery looks at our values, attitude, and lifestyles for market research. I thought I was one thing and wound up being another. I am an Achiever. I seek accomplishments to gain approval and recognition. I realized that was true real quick. It is ingrained into my personality, my need for acceptance. What I forget sometimes is that You accept me. You gave up Your life just so I could be free. You love me and I don’t have to earn that love. It comes completely free. It is unconditional. There is nothing I do or don’t do that will change it. You know all I’ve done and still love me. You know how many hairs are on my head. You know every mistake, every bad thought, every accomplishment, and every good intention. You know me completely. You created me.

There is a song from Rich Mullins that I used to sing allllll the time:

“And Step by step You’ll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days”

I decided to move my focus more towards you. I am having a change of heart. My journey isn’t for them, it’s for you. I am changing my direction. Proverbs 16:9 says:

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Lord, help me to listen to Francesca Battistelli words:

“But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don’t look around
Any place I’m in
Grows strangely dim”

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I shift my focus. I pray you change my heart. I pray that you change my direction. I pray that I realize how blessed I am. I pray that I follow you. I pray that you lead me where you want me to go. I pray that I learn to accept your love. I know it’s hard for me to even imagine that kind of unconditional love, but you gave it to me completely. Lord, you love me more than I will ever be able to understand. Lord, fix my eyes on all that you are. There are literally tears in my eyes saying this prayer. I am realizing how completely free and unconditional your love is. Lord, guide me. Move me. Lord, I am yours and you are mine. I am your child. I want to follow you. I want to seek you. I want you to establish my steps. I want you to lead me step by step. Lord, fix my eyes. Lord, let every worry grow dim. Let every doubt grow dim. Let everything of this world grow dim. Lord, change my heart. Lord, heal my heart. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You are with us.

Today is one of those days where I am just emotional for no reason. I am completely afraid of everything even though I have no reason to be. Fear is defined as: “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” So, because I like lists, here is a list of my biggest fears:

1. Bridges

2. Car Accidents

3. Death

4. Losing Loved Ones

5. Feeling Inadequate

6. Loneliness

7. Elevators

8. The Future

9. Failure

10. Getting Hit

Why am I so scared when I have You? They call You Emmanuel which literally means “God is with us.” 

Lord, You set us free from all our fears. In You, we can find rest and peace. In You, we can find joy. In You, we don’t have to have anxiety. We can lay everything at the feet of the cross. Lord, You save us. Psalm 121:1-2 says: “A Song of Ascents. I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.” 

In the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, the girl I related to the most was told that she likes the drama; that she liked the fear. He called her out so, she decided to cut the additional unneeded anxiety out. I realized I do this too. I add unnecessary stress by:

1. Waiting until the very last second to put gas in the car.

2. Returning Redbox movies at the last minute.

3. Over planning.

4. Over analyzing every word spoken to me.

5. My irrational fears.

I realized that these things hold me back, and I should just fix my eyes on You.

Today, the soundtrack in my head was playing a lot. It made me realize: 1. You are with us. 2. My help comes from You. 3. I should fix my eyes on all that You are. Basically all my useless drama, anxiety, stress, and fears come from my need for control. I want to control everything, but I can’t. I need to give you the reins and realize you are already there.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I let go of my need for control. I pray that I let go of my anxiety and stress. I pray that I let go of my fears because no matter what my fears are you are already there waiting to take care of me. You are already there waiting for me to take your hand. You are already there ready to help me. Lord, you already broke the chains, so I pray that I learn to put them down. I pray that I learn to give you the control. I pray that I learn to praise in the storm. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.