Love, fill up all of my space.

Two weeks ago today, I was having a rough day, well a rough week to be honest. My day started by having four grown men making fun of my voice. I was just trying to be nice and they thought my voice was just plain hysterical. Then I ended the day by opening my front door and when I looked up, a bird shot poop on my shoulder. I mean he was a solid two feet away and two feet up. He shot it at me. Like took some genuine effort. And let me tell you, it did not get any better the next day, in fact, it got worse.

I’m completely indifferent to what my life is becoming. Like all I can say is whatever. And the more I think whatever, the more I hear my mamas voice telling me to say my verse.

Philippians 4:8 which says: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.

Lord, I don’t know what you’re trying to teach me. Learn how to be content? Learn to grow where I’m planted? Learn to let go of my plans? Learn to be patient in times of waiting? Learn to start living instead of waiting? Like I have no idea what I’m supposed to be learning. If this were a hallmark movie, this would be rock bottom. I would find myself in You again then Mr. Right would be right there under my nose and I would finally stop running from him and from You. But this is not rock bottom because rock bottom doesn’t exist. If it did, it would have been hit in college and would have been hit more than once. I thought I hit rock bottom in middle school and probs in high school, but I was just a kid and I had no idea how the world worked. But one thing that always remains is even on my darkest days, Your light still shines. Even on my worst day, I can still find joy. Because my joy comes from You, Lord.

I might struggle to find my footing again but I’m never truly knocked down. Even on my worst day when I can’t see the sun for the rain. The rain reminds me of your promises. Lord, I’ve been broken down. I’ve been taken down a peg or two. I’ve been pushed beyond my limits. I’ve been hurt beyond compare and never thought the wounds would heal. But they did. Lord, no matter how bad things are, You are there. You’re my lighthouse in the storm. You’re my strong tower. You’re my firm foundation. You love me when I can’t love myself. You forgive me when I’m at my worst. You’re my teacher and healer. You’re my God.

That’s what I wanna learn. I wanna learn to love when I don’t feel loved. I wanna learn to love when I don’t feel like loving others. I wanna learn to love when I don’t feel like moving. I wanna learn to love when my feelings are hurt. When I can’t see the sun for the rain. When I can’t see the rainbow after the rain anymore.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I apply Steven Curtis Chapman’s song to my heart and my life. And I’m praying ’bout the woman I wanna be. God, please take all of me. And fill me up with your love. I pray that I let love, take these words that I’m speaking. I pray that I let love, take these thoughts that I’m thinking. I pray that I let love, take me over. I pray that I let love, fill up all of my space and love, stand right here in my place. I pray that I let love, hear this prayer that I’m praying. I pray that when it overtakes me, then it animates me, flowing from my heart into my hands. So I’m praying, Father, help my heart believe, that right now you’re singing over me. And fill me up with your love. Let your never-ending, never-failing, all-consuming love take over. I pray that your love changes me today and every day. I pray that I keep my heart open to your teaching. I pray that I keep my eyes and ears open to your word. I pray that I keep sharing and reaching for your love. I pray that I see your love in the world around me. I pray that I keep looking for it in those around me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Somehow I feel like I was born for this.

To say that War Room impacted the three of us that saw the movie last week would be an understatement. One of us went home and started making a prayer wall, like immediately. As for me and my person, we took to dramatically screaming the entire speech every time something happens now. You know, the one where Priscilla Shirer runs around her house praying and telling the devil to get out of her house. She was flawless! She had me crying the whole speech. Now, anytime something happens, we start praying immediately. There is a bug in the house? Devil get up out my house. Job interview fail? Devil get up out my career search. My car will be ready this week, but it’s going to cost more than the original estimate? Devil get up out my car. K-Love app needed to buffer and crash instead of letting me listen to the music? Devil get up out my phone. Literally. Everything.

That speech got us all riled up and ready to face anything. From the little stuff to the life changers. Today, when I got bad news I started to get upset, but a friend was on her way to take me to the rec center with her. I headed straight for the track, put on my prayer playlist, and started praying. First, I was confused and I’ll admit, I was just plain mad. But, I remembered War Room and how I needed to stop fighting battles I couldn’t win and start fighting the right battles. I changed my entire perspective and refocused my prayer.

Karen Ehman from Proverbs 31 Ministries said: “Determine today to stop hiding out in old destructive habits. Instead, come out into the light of His glorious grace and learn a new method of coping. Race to Him instead of running back to your old ways. His Word is alive and active. It can help us break horrible habits and form new, Jesus-pleasing ones as we reply with a resounding ‘No’ to returning to the dangerous familiar.” Today, I almost ran back to old habits, but I chose to run to You in prayer. Today, I chose to come into Your light, instead of hiding out in the darkness. I want to run to You, Lord.

So, here is my prayer today. Thank you for changing my perspective. Thank you for refocusing my prayers. Thank you for guiding me. Thank you for the reminder today. Thank you for making me a warrior. I pray that you continue to change my heart. I pray that you keep working on me. I pray that I keep falling to my knees in need of you. I pray that I keep seeking you. I pray that I keep calling your name, Lord. I pray that I trust you and trust your plan. I pray that I put my faith in you. I pray that I leave my worries at your feet. I pray that I keep my eyes on you, instead of the storm. I pray that I run to you. I pray that I leave old coping methods behind and head straight for the cross instead. Thank you for opening your arms for me today and everyday. Thank you for letting me run towards your light. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Just listen to what He’s whispering to your heart.

I was reminded today that I am not the only one with an uncertain future. Lord, You have been working on their hearts just as much as mine. One friend just graduated and has been searching for a job. While the waiting is rough, I believe You are just holding her for something greater. I believe You have a plan for her. Another one is about to graduate and is choosing between work and graduate school or both. Lord, I believe You are going to show her the right path. I believe You have a plan for her. Another friend is about to start a beautiful project, but she’s scared. Lord, I believe You have Your hand on her, guiding her. I believe You have a plan for her.

Lord, I believe You have a plan for each one of them. I believe You are moving mountains and creating paths for them. I believe You are working on their hearts. I believe You are opening doors and windows. I believe in Your plan for them. I can’t wait to see what You’re going to do in their lives. You have this wonderfully big plan that we all have a small part in. I can’t wait to see the glorious unfolding.

When Steven Curtis Chapman talks about the song he says: “God is telling an epic, amazing, incredible story. We wont see it fully unfolded until Heaven and then and maybe only then will we really fully see the picture, but will we trust Him and know that His plans and His purposes will be accomplished and He is faithful to complete all of that and to tell a very amazing, incredible, glorious story with our lives.”

So, that is my prayer today. I pray for my friends. I lift them up to you. Lord, I pray for peace in their waiting. I pray for strength and guidance in their decision making process. I pray for courage in their journey. I pray that you lay your arms around them and encourage them. I pray that you protect them and lead them. I pray they listen to your plan and go where you need them to. I pray that you inspire those women. Thank you putting those women in my life. Thank you for letting them inspire me and teach me. Thank you for their encouragement. I hope that they know how thankful I am to have them in my life. Proverbs 27:9 says Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend. I pray that while we don’t know what your plan is that we put our faith in you. I pray that we trust you. I pray that we seek you. I pray that we grow with you. I pray that we bring honor and glory to you in all we do.  And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.