Two weeks ago today, I was having a rough day, well a rough week to be honest. My day started by having four grown men making fun of my voice. I was just trying to be nice and they thought my voice was just plain hysterical. Then I ended the day by opening my front door and when I looked up, a bird shot poop on my shoulder. I mean he was a solid two feet away and two feet up. He shot it at me. Like took some genuine effort. And let me tell you, it did not get any better the next day, in fact, it got worse.
I’m completely indifferent to what my life is becoming. Like all I can say is whatever. And the more I think whatever, the more I hear my mamas voice telling me to say my verse.
Philippians 4:8 which says: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
Lord, I don’t know what you’re trying to teach me. Learn how to be content? Learn to grow where I’m planted? Learn to let go of my plans? Learn to be patient in times of waiting? Learn to start living instead of waiting? Like I have no idea what I’m supposed to be learning. If this were a hallmark movie, this would be rock bottom. I would find myself in You again then Mr. Right would be right there under my nose and I would finally stop running from him and from You. But this is not rock bottom because rock bottom doesn’t exist. If it did, it would have been hit in college and would have been hit more than once. I thought I hit rock bottom in middle school and probs in high school, but I was just a kid and I had no idea how the world worked. But one thing that always remains is even on my darkest days, Your light still shines. Even on my worst day, I can still find joy. Because my joy comes from You, Lord.
I might struggle to find my footing again but I’m never truly knocked down. Even on my worst day when I can’t see the sun for the rain. The rain reminds me of your promises. Lord, I’ve been broken down. I’ve been taken down a peg or two. I’ve been pushed beyond my limits. I’ve been hurt beyond compare and never thought the wounds would heal. But they did. Lord, no matter how bad things are, You are there. You’re my lighthouse in the storm. You’re my strong tower. You’re my firm foundation. You love me when I can’t love myself. You forgive me when I’m at my worst. You’re my teacher and healer. You’re my God.
That’s what I wanna learn. I wanna learn to love when I don’t feel loved. I wanna learn to love when I don’t feel like loving others. I wanna learn to love when I don’t feel like moving. I wanna learn to love when my feelings are hurt. When I can’t see the sun for the rain. When I can’t see the rainbow after the rain anymore.
So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I apply Steven Curtis Chapman’s song to my heart and my life. And I’m praying ’bout the woman I wanna be. God, please take all of me. And fill me up with your love. I pray that I let love, take these words that I’m speaking. I pray that I let love, take these thoughts that I’m thinking. I pray that I let love, take me over. I pray that I let love, fill up all of my space and love, stand right here in my place. I pray that I let love, hear this prayer that I’m praying. I pray that when it overtakes me, then it animates me, flowing from my heart into my hands. So I’m praying, Father, help my heart believe, that right now you’re singing over me. And fill me up with your love. Let your never-ending, never-failing, all-consuming love take over. I pray that your love changes me today and every day. I pray that I keep my heart open to your teaching. I pray that I keep my eyes and ears open to your word. I pray that I keep sharing and reaching for your love. I pray that I see your love in the world around me. I pray that I keep looking for it in those around me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.