And I’m alright, I’m okay.

I just heard this song that completely related to my life. The song is Downside Of Growing Up. The song starts talking about how hard it is leaving your mama. Well, to be honest, I’m graduating in May, so I’m pretty used to crying as I leave my mama. It really doesn’t get easier leaving, you just also create a home in college, so it makes it hard to leave here too. College pulls your heart in so many different directions, sometimes it’s hard to find all the pieces. This summer, I said good-bye to my mama and moved into a house with a couple of roommates. I love the freedom. I can have candles and there’s no RA coming to check to see if my trash is piled up or if the fire alarm works, again. The downside is there is no more of the really nice maintenance men coming to fix things for me. I have to fix things myself. So, I went into Lowe’s and I figured out what I needed and tried to replace that toilet handle myself. The first time was a bust and to be honest, I wanted my daddy to come fix it for me. The downside is he is 5 hours away so, I had to go back to Lowe’s. The second time was a success. I have never been more proud to fix something in my whole life. Ok. I get it. It’s like a $7 replacement and it was like super easy to do, but I did it all on my own. Ok. It was a big step into the adult world for me.

Then this morning was less than stellar. I started by missing my classes because I was in a car accident. I was on time this morning and I was looking cute, like everything was going good, until it wasn’t. The downside of growing up was that my parents were 5 hours away. The truth is, as bleak as the morning looked, I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. So, because I love lists: Here is a list of blessings for today:

  1. My daddy was on the phone with me the whole time, reminding me to breathe. He is usually a complete softy, ok. I don’t care what all the stories say about how tough or strong or he was or how he used to be like the best football player ever, ok. The man braided my hair and drove me to every single club meeting, event, performance, and cried like a baby every single time he was proud of me, which was every time I breathed. When Gary Allen sings Tough Little Boys, he is singing about my daddy. This morning however, that was the strongest man I’ve ever known. His reassurance held me together.
  2. There was a Bible in the ER room, so I could turn to Isaiah 43:2.
  3. My person dropped everything to be by my side, the moment I called her and she stayed right there by me the whole day. She texted my mom updates. She stood by me as they towed my car away. She stood by me in the ER. She stood by me while I waited on prescriptions. She stood by me at home too, just to make sure I was ok. She was everything I needed and more.
  4. In the X-Ray room, there is a dry erase board. Written on that board is Psalm 86:7 which says: In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me.
  5. When the insurance claims man called, he started by saying he was an Alum of South Alabama, Go Jags. I hope me knows how fabulous that was to hear.
  6. My little was beyond thoughtful. She stood by me in the ER in between classes. Then she brought me dinner, AmeriCone Dream ice cream for later, and breakfast for tomorrow. She texted my littles and grandlittles to let them know I was safe.
  7. My lovely Alpha Gam sister serenaded me Shake It Off. It meant more to me than words can explain.
  8. My roommate looked at me when she got home and said you look like you need a hug. I most certainly did.

I might have started this morning thinking I was going to see the downside of growing up, but I felt pretty blessed instead.

So, that is my prayer today. While the song says your dad ain’t there to get you unstuck, thank you for making sure that wasn’t true for me. Thank you for my daddy’s strength and kindness today. Thank you for making sure that you, my heavenly father, will always be there to get me unstuck. Thank you giving me a daddy to teach me that. Thank you for the many wonderful people that took care of me at the accident, in the er, in the line to get my prescription, and everywhere I went today. Thank you for the lady, when I called 911, that told me to just breathe. I pray for all of them. They were so kind and extremely patient with me. Thank you for my sisters for taking care of me. Thank you for Psalm 86:7 and the fact that I can call out to you when I’m scared. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone in more ways than one today. Thank you for the downside of growing up. Thank you teaching me and guiding me. Thank you for leading me. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

All that I need is to be with You and in the quiet hear Your voice.

I started my finals week early on Wednesday, when I was finishing a couple of last things for my Thursday presentation, by reading Colossians 3:23 which says: Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men. After reading that I immediately felt empowered and ready to get to work. I mean, I was literally excited to finish. I had been staring at my presentation stuff for what seemed like an eternity without making any substantial headway and then after reading that verse, I finished my presentation within half an hour.

I was still excited after two more full long days of studying for my next final and then today happened. I took one of my marketing finals. When the test started and I heard literally 50 other people slamming down on their keyboards, I got overwhelmed. So, I remembered the verse and focused. I felt accomplished coming out of it. So, I took an hour break. During that break I was told that I was mediocre. I am a big fan of words, but not this one. Mediocre is defined by Google as: “of only moderate quality; not very good.” Synonyms for mediocre are: ordinary, average, middle-of-the-road, uninspired, undistinguished, indifferent, unexceptional, unexciting, unremarkable, run-of-the-mill, pedestrian, prosaic, lackluster, forgettable, amateur, amateurish, OK, so-so, plain-vanilla, fair-to-middling, no great shakes, not up to much.

The first synonym is what got me. Like what is this, Grey’s Anatomy? I am not ordinary. I am Meredith Grey extraordinary. The next one that got me was uninspired. I am anything but that! I had to look up prosaic, in all honesty. It means: lacking poetic beauty or commonplace. That’s just rude. And excuse me? No great shakes?!? I can dance to Shake It Off with the best of them! In fact, I might be the most embarrassing dancer in the room when that song comes on, but I can also guarantee my smile is the biggest and brightest. Taylor would be proud. I had that verse with me the whole week until I took a break. Then I got distracted and I was momentarily knocked out of the game zone. I went to grab dinner with my little and on the way back to the student center to continue studying this song came on the radio.

So, here is my prayer today. I pray that I listen to you more. I pray that I listen your verse more. I pray that I really apply that verse to my life. I pray that I do everything I do for you. I pray that I let go of what everyone else’s opinion is. I pray that you speak in my life. I pray that I let go of all the other noises. I pray that I let my life become so quiet that all I hear is you. I pray that I get right back to that game zone and get right back to studying because you aren’t finished with me yet. You have a plan for my life and nothing you do is mediocre. Lord, I pray that I just listen to you and your word. I pray that I lay everything else down. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I’m gonna miss this.

Yesterday, I was so focused on the future and moving out that I realized “I’m gonna miss this.”

I’m gonna miss living in this sorority house. I’m gonna miss the movie nights. I’m gonna miss the sleepovers in the chapter room. I’m gonna sitting up all night talking. I’m gonna miss pulling all nighters in the study room upstairs. I’m gonna miss mattress surfing. I might even miss everyone telling me I’m too loud. (Which I am 99.9% of the time.) I’m gonna miss my little coming into my room everyday and sitting on my bed and telling me about her day. I’m gonna miss all the laughter, tears, screams, and all the noise made here. I’m gonna miss singing at the top of my lungs to recruitment songs, dance competitions, and door chants. I’m gonna miss all the flowers. (Somehow this house is always filled with flowers.)

I’m gonna miss all the memories I made here. Like the time that my best friend and I ran up the stairs screaming and crying and jumping up and down because we got our badges. Or the times that we played Just Dance on the Wii, over and over and over and over again. Or the times we built forts by tacking sheets to the ceiling. I’m gonna miss Christmas here. (It’s soooo pretty.) Or this year for recruitment when we danced to Shake It Off after recruitment parties. Or any one of the pref ceremonies. Or the many times we locked ourselves out of our rooms. Or the crafting sessions for our littles.

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I say thank you for all the time I’ve spent in this house. Thank you for the friendships that were created here. Thank you for the lessons I’ve learned here. Thank you for the memories made here. I pray that I cherish the time I have left here and make the most of it. I pray that I enjoy the present. I pray for my sisters. I pray that they grow in this house as much as I did. I pray they they enjoy this house and appreciate it. I pray they make as many memories as I did here. I pray they continue some traditions and start some of their own. I pray they relive a few of their childhood memories because college is stressful and every now and then they need to have some fun. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.