The King of Heaven wants me.

On Friday, Jordan Lee posted: “Throw your hair up in a messy bun and go do some Kingdom work.” Lorrddd, have mercy. That is exactly what I wanna do for the rest of my life. Psalm 119:73 says: Your hands made me and formed; give me understanding to learn Your commands. That is all I wanna do. Renee Swope said: “We can find the plans God has for us when we surrender our plans to Him.” Proverbs 16:3 says: Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

My plans have changed so many times over the years. Lisa Bevere said: “If you think you’ve blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this: you, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful.” Boy Howdy. I need that reality check daily. When I was a little kid, I played school with my brother and sister. I was the teacher, the librarian, and administrators. I was a one woman school. In the first grade, my parents took me to a Christian school and I immediately fell in love and told them I wanted to be a missionary. In the seventh grade, I decided I wanted to be like Elle Woods and go to Law School. In twelfth grade, I was back to the beginning with teaching. In college, I changed to Communications. No matter what I wanted to do, the common thread was that I wanted to help people. I wanted to do Your work. I wanted to work for the Kingdom.

I saw this Hallmark movie, Remembering Sunday, and one of them said: “I know it’s not a big dream.” The other one responded: “But it is to you, so show it some respect and get organized.” That’s what I’m doing. I’m getting organized. Lord, my name will probs never be in lights. I will probs never be rich. I’m not concerned with that anymore. I heard it said: “Life is more than money and things. It’s about doing life together and serving each other. With Christ at the center.” What I want is to work for Your kingdom. I don’t want to just work hard to the best of my abilities. I want to work with all of my abilities. I want to give it everything I’ve got. I used to be so concerned with recognition and people seeing the good I do. Lord, I’m working on that. Hannah Brencher said: “No one wins when you only live to please the world. The world doesn’t need to be pleased, it needs to be changed.” She also said: “Your job, at its core is to love people.” I heard someone explain it this way: our job as Christians isn’t seeing flowers bloom. Sometimes our job is to dig the hole for the seed. Other times it is to plant the seed. Sometimes it is to water the seed. Others it is to fertilize the soil. Our job is to be Your hands and feet. Sometimes we don’t get to see the flowers bloom. Sometimes we don’t get a thank you for doing our jobs. Alison Tiemeyer posted a quote saying: “You are planting seeds and fertilizing hearts. It’s Kingdom work and it is most worthy of courage.” When I get to Heaven, I want to see a bunch of Your flowers. I wanna hear Matthew 25:23 which says: His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master!’ I wanna sing: “So this world has lost it’s grip on me.”

So, this is my prayer. Lord, last week, I prayed with Tenth Avenue North’s song: Overflow. I wanna do that again this week. “Out of the dust, you created us. We are the breath of Father, Spirit, and Son. We’re free to breathe. We’re free to move. Life is a gift that we give back to you. Life is our gift we give back to you. You set our hearts in motion. You’re alive inside us. 
Our hands open up. We are made in the image of a perfect union. We receive your love and overflow.” I wanna pray the words from their song: Control too. “God, you don’t need me, but somehow you want me. Oh how you love me, somehow that frees me to take my hands off of my life and the way it should go.” Lord, I pray for understanding. I pray that I commit to you. I pray I surrender to you. I pray that I get organized and get to work. I pray that you are at the center. I pray that I plant seeds. I pray that I do everything for your glory. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

People think I’m lucky But I know it’s grace.

I have about 345232 questions running through my head. I am not a fan of uncertainty. I like actions, plans, steps, and lists. I like things to fit into organized boxes. This week is challenging me in more ways than one. I want to know exactly when and how things are going to work out. Those are my exact worries right now. Then I saw the Proverbs 31 Facebook update which was literally my feelings and anxiety at the moment. Renee Swope posted: “Faith means obeying God even when all my questions aren’t answered.” Allllllll Right. Way to call me out by name there. Middle named me and everything. I see what you did you there. Lord, your timing is absolutely astounding. It never ceases to amaze me.

A friend of mine posted Isaiah 26:3 today which says: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. I went on to read verse 4 which says: Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength. Ok. I needed that today. I needed some peace and reassurance. I don’t like when things are all up in the air and I don’t have a plan, but that’s what the struggle is right now. I have to change my perspective. I needed to be reminded that You are everlasting strength. I needed this lesson in trusting You.

Hannah Brencher posted a while ago on Instagram: “Because only in the darkness do we know light. Only, and only, if ever there was a word called ‘darkness’ would there be a reason to create another word to counter that word called ‘light.’ And maybe that’s just life: patches of darkness and patches of light. Sometimes we see it all so clearly. Sometimes we don’t know the way. Sometimes we grab the hands of others too tightly and they’re just thankful – just so thankful – that you’re finally grabbing on and needing to be held.” I definitely do not know my way right now and I am totally grabbing the hands of those around me. I struggle with that too because I’m stubborn and I don’t like to ask for help, but sometimes I just cannot do it alone and I don’t have to. I am blessed beyond measure by those that love me. Genesis 1:3-4 says: Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness. He separated the light from the darkness. Martin Luther King, Jr. said: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness only light can do that.” I heard that “sometimes God lets you be in a situation that only he can fix, so you will discover that he is the one who can fix it.” Casting Crowns has this song called Just Be Held and I was reminded of the lyrics today: “If your eyes are on the storm, you’ll wonder if I love you still, but if your eyes are on the cross, you’ll know I always have and I always will.” Those words meant so much to me today.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I look to you. I pray that I concentrate on the cross and not my problems. Lord, I know you love me and I know you have me. I know you’re taking care of me. I pray that you separate the light from the darkness. I pray that I see the light. I pray that I keep grabbing your hands and the hands of my loved ones who are going above and beyond to help me. I pray that I trust you. I pray that I lean on you. I pray that I give you my struggles. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for teaching me. I pray that I get my peace and strength from you. I pray that I put my faith in you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I pray that I continue to see how blessed I am, even when I struggle. I know that you have a plan for my life and you are working for me. Thank you for that.  And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord.

Well Nashville’s Gunnar Scott won my heart again tonight. Deacon was struggling and said he felt like Charlie Brown. He said Charlie Brown kept trying to kick that football and somebody kept taking it out from under him. Then the oh sooo fabulous Gunnar Scott responds with isn’t that why everyone loves him, because no matter how many times it happens he never loses hope. Woah now. I’m gonna need a minute to go cry.

Ok I’m back. It’s all good. The bible references that we only have to have faith as small as a mustard seed. To be honest, I had to look up what mustard seeds look like because I didn’t even know how small they were. Matthew 13:31-32 says: He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.” Matthew 17:20 says: He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” All we need is just a little bit of faith in You. There is this Mexican proverb on Pinterest that says: “They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds.” I want to be like that. I want to be that little mustard seed. Renee Swope said: “I want to be a woman who overcomes obstacles by tackling them in faith instead of tiptoeing around them in fear.” I want to be that kind of woman. I want to be like Charlie Brown and never give up faith, no matter how many times I fall and miss that football. I want to give it all to You, Lord. We used to sing this song in youth group allllllllll the time and I was reminded of it today.

Mark 11:22 says: And Jesus answered saying to them, “Have faith in God.” It doesn’t get simpler than that.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I learn from Charlie Brown. I pray that I learn to overcome obstacles by tackling them in faith. I pray that I am a seed for you. I pray that I grow for you. I pray that I lay down my sorrows, my shame, my sickness, my pain, and everything else I have. I pray that I lay down every single thing I have. Thank you for showing me things in different ways. Thank you for allowing me to lay it all down. I pray that I continue to grow closer to you. Thank you for all the joy that comes from laying everything down. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.