The truth is I am naive. The truth is I use humor to deflect compliments. The truth is I haven’t been in a real relationship. The truth is I was sexually abused as a kid by more than one person in one than one way. The truth is that affected me in more ways than I understand. The truth is I used to push people away. The truth is I get defensive and sometimes I have a guard up. The truth is that I hid my heart away as a way to protect it. The truth is that doesn’t work. The truth is I went to counseling. The truth is I got some healing that only You, God could give. The truth is I didn’t date until I was an adult because of what happened to me. The truth is I thought I was keeping myself from getting hurt. But Pastor Mike Todd quickly reminded me of some capital T:Truth that You, God, weren’t keeping me from something, You were saving me for something.
My church sermon on Sunday was about intentions. And Lord have mercy, You know I love that word intentions. The pastor said “sin is not just what I do, it’s within me too. It’s the intentions of the heart. It’s not just about my actions. It’s about my intentions too. My intentions need to change too.”
Lord, I know You’ve been teaching me this whole time. I know You were preparing me. I didn’t trust You, Father, more times than I can count and I am sorry for doubting You. I fail You daily. But You never failed me. You just kept redirecting me back to You.
So, here is my prayer today. Lord, thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for not protecting yourself from me. Thank you for letting this prodigal daughter come home. Thank you for saving me for something, for someone. Thank you for preparing me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for holding onto my heart when I wasn’t ready to give it. Thank you for standing in front of my demons. Thank you for letting me come to you. Thank you for redirecting my life. Thank you for changing my story. Thank you for taking what the devil meant for evil and using it for your glory and my good. Thank you for knowing the intentions of my heart and not just my actions. Thank you for changing my actions and my intentions. Thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for loving me too much to leave me the way I was. I know exactly where I would be and what kind of person I would be if you hadn’t of intervened. I know exactly what kind of darkness I’d be facing. I would become the darkness. But thank You that’s not where my story ends. Thank you for taking the walls around my heart down brick by brick. Father, you are so patient and kind with me. You are love. I am so thankful for the miracle you’ve done in my life. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.