For us forever just isn’t that far.

Ok. Diving right into Day 2 of this 30-Day Challenge for Single Christian Women which is the most important things to me in a future husband. I’m just gonna be real honest. This list is hard. I have a million things I could want in him, but all I need is him to love You and the rest can be worked out. I like simple and I have learned in my short 25 years that I can adapt to just about everything with help from You, Lord. Whatever is given to me, I can bring to You, because You are the one that sent it in the first place. In the spirit of the challenge, I’m gonna try to dig a little more into that.

  1. Communication
  2. Give and Take
  3. Intentional

Communication. My friend sent me this picture today that says: “Imagine a man that talks to God about you.” Lord, have mercy. That got me in the feels. I think that is a brilliant place to start. I have been praying for this man as long as I can remember, so I hope that he is praying for me too. Anthem Lights has a song that personified this feeling for me and made me realize I could hope for more than I ever dreamed possible.

“Every day you’re prayed for
And I’m dreaming of you every night
Where ever you are right now
You’re already the love of my life”

Give and Take. I watched this Hallmark movie called: All Things Valentine. One of the characters asked: “how do you know when someone is the one?” The response was: “when they meet you halfway.” When I’m volunteering at Church or Alpha Gam or one of the 1500 fun runs I like, I want him to bring me chicken salad for lunch because he knows it’s my favorite and I probs didn’t stop to eat all day. I want him to take out the trash because he knows I hate it. I want him to offer to dry the dishes when I’m washing them. I want to be home for him. I want to give him more than I’ve ever given anyone. I want to hand him tools when he is fixing the car or something around the house so he never has to reach for them alone again. I want to make him breakfast in the mornings and pack lunches for him with post-it notes to remind him just how loved he is. I want him to come home to a clean house. I know these things may not happen every day, but I want to meet him halfway.

Intentional. Ever since I watched Old Fashioned. I have been obsessed with that word. I went to see the movie with a friend of mine and when it was over she said that stuff doesn’t happen in real life. I told her then that I wanted her to be wrong. I don’t need a mansion filled with all the pretty things life has to offer. My love language is words, I need him to tell me I am loved, and often. I just want kind words that lead to kind actions. I want intentional kindness and love. I want someone who cares about my heart and knows how precious I’ve been guarding it and protecting it. I put my heart in Your hands, Lord. I don’t wanna just give it away.

Ok, so, maybe this list was easier to put together than I thought for and maybe I do have high standards. People might think that I have my head in the clouds and no one can live up to the idea in my head. I am not a child anymore. I do not have unrealistic expectations. It is not unrealistic to pray he communicates with You, Lord. It is not unrealistic to pray that we both learn to give and take and learn to compromise. It is not unrealistic to pray that he is intentional with my heart. I want the kind of love, I’ve read about in books my whole life. I want like Denise Hunter writes, I want to fit together like puzzle pieces. Like we were created by You just to fit one another. I don’t want perfection, but I do believe this kind of love exists. I’ve been a bridesmaid in the weddings that proved this kind of love is real. The reason I believe their relationship is different and they will last is because they invited You into their relationships.

So, this is my prayer. I pray that he communicates with you. I pray that we learn to give and take. I pray that he is intentional with me. I pray for all these things. I pray that he pursues me in your timing and in your way and in your design. Thank you for being the author of my story. Thank you for protecting my heart. I pray that I am a Proverbs 31 woman waiting for an Ephesians 5 man with a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. I pray that he loves me like you do and I pray I love him like you do. I pray that we spend our whole lives worshiping you together. I pray that your love shines through us. I pray that you are the foundation of our relationship and we grow closer to you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.

I read in another blog that the reason women are so drawn to 50 shades is because they desire to be led, to be cared for. I like the idea of trying to understand the deeper meaning and not just the surface. I’m not a 50 shades fan, but I’m willing to admit I want to be led. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I can be completely independent and self sufficient. I don’t want someone to control me and make all the decisions for me. I want someone to lead me closer to You. I want someone to guide me through decisions and include me in his decisions. I want someone who deeply cares for me. I want someone who understands my needs and wants. I want someone who brings the best out of me and I want to do the same for him. I really liked what the author of the blog had to say:

“Women are wonderful, powerful and totally capable of caring for themselves. They possess a great dignity! People do not care for diamonds and pearls because they are worthless, but because they are filled with worth! And you are worth more that thousands of diamonds.”

A big lesson I learned in Old Fashioned was to be intentional. I needed this lesson. Another blog wrote about this. He discussed ways men need to be intentional and take the anxiety out of life. I am all about that! I’m not gonna lie, I am an anxious girl. I add unnecessary drama to my life, but for the past few years, I have been breaking the habit. Here is what he said to do and what I learned from it:

1. “Say what needs to be said.”

I am pretty good at this one. I’ve always been the kind of girl with her heart on her sleeve. If I like you, I’ll tell you. If I’m sorry, I’ll apologize. If I want forgiveness, I’ll ask for it. If I miss you, I’ll let you know. I’m pretty good at asking for what I need. What I won’t admit sometimes, is what I want, but I’m getting better at it. I’m learning that honesty is a powerful thing. I want someone to be intentional with me.

(Plus, I wanna learn that dance! It’s kinda adorable!!)

2. “Have our actions match our words.” 

What the writer was talking about was being deliberate with feelings and emotions. For me, I want to put action behind my desire to be led and to be more intentional. So, I’m going to participate in lent. I figured a forty day fast sounded perfect and the timing was just right so, here goes. I decided to give up my facebook, twitter, and all social media. Then while I was feeling confident, I was like why not take it a step further. So, goodbye netflix and hulu. I don’t think social media is bad! In fact, some of it can be really good, but I want to focus more on You. I want to spend more time with You. So, for forty days, I am going to spend more time in the scripture, read some devotion books, pray more, and start to work on my relationship with you. Maybe I’ll be counting down the days until I get facebook back, or maybe I won’t even miss it. Honestly, the longest I’ve been off social media is like a week for sorority recruitment. I haven’t been off this long since I started in like 2008 when I got facebook, but I was on myspace even before that. This might be more difficult than I realize, but lent starts today so, here goes!

3. “Live in reality.”

This one is a little trickier for me, as I like to daydream. I’m the girl that spends way too much time dreaming of the future. So, I’m going to try to live in reality. I’m going to learn to enjoy now. So, I’m gonna go to the park more. I’m gonna read more. I’m gonna spend more time with the people I love. I’m gonna quit obsessing and focusing on the future. I’m gonna let You lead me.

So, this is my prayer. I pray that I am brave. I pray that I let the light in. I pray that I grow closer to you. I pray that I become more intentional. I pray that I watch my words, my actions, and my daydreams. I pray that I spend more time with you. I pray that I never stop trying to move towards you. I pray that I keep my eyes focused on you. I pray that you guide me and lead me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Oh the grace reaching out for me.

I have been waiting to see Old Fashioned for months and on Valentine’s Day, I finally saw it! Honestly, I’ve been waiting to see it my whole life. It was exactly the kind of love story I’ve always wanted! I want that level of respect. The movie floored me. I was completely covered in tears by the end of it.

I’ve always been told that I’m crazy or weird. I’ve been told I have my head in the clouds I’ve been told that my belief in fairy tales will just leave me with standards too high. I’ve been told my whole life that love like that doesn’t exist. Which usually makes me think of Easton Corbin singing:

“Love don’t have to be a bunch of drama
A bunch of knock-down, drag-outs, crying in the rain”

Clay and Amber’s love story was centered around Your love. It started with the best of intentions and grew from there. I want that. I have dreamed of that kind of security and safety. I want doors opened. I want my hand held and my cheek kissed. I dreamed of that kind of care. I dreamed of that level of kindness. I dreamed of that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 kind of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It’s not that because I’m a girl so I’m weak and can’t open my own door. It’s not that I’m a dainty flower that can’t be hurt. It’s not that I think I need to be put on some kind of pedestal. It’s that someone loves me enough to cherish me. It’s that vulnerability of someone knowing me so well that they know exactly how to hurt me the most and making a conscious choice not to. It’s that someone wants to protect me. It’s that someone wants to make my needs a priority. It’s that someone wants to be gentle with my heart. It’s that someone wants to encourage me and support my dreams. It’s that someone wants me to feel safe and secure. It’s that someone wants me to feel cherished and loved and cared for. It’s that tender, sweet, compassionate, selfless, kind of love that honors You, Lord. I want to do all that for him too. I want him to find home in me too. I want him to feel respected and cherished too. I want him to feel safe and secure. I want him to know he’s everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. It’s not that we think we deserve that kind of love, it’s that we know Your love and want to share it with those around us. It’s because of 1 John 4:19.

We love because he first loved us.

I want simple. I want a marriage where we are both focused on You. I want someone who wants to glorify You with me. I want someone to sit in church with every Sunday. I want someone to give up their Saturdays with me to do some kind of service activity. I want to live intentionally and with a purpose. I want us to forgive each other. I want us to grow in our faith together. I want us to grow closer to You.

Amber: “What do you want out of life?”

Clay: “To be decent. That’s it. A good person. I guess I just wasn’t destined for greatness.”

Amber: “I think the world has enough greatness. Not enough goodness.”

So, here is my prayer today. I pray that I let you guide my heart more. I pray that I watch what I let into my heart more. I pray that I guard my heart. I pray I stop hiding from you. I pray that I stop running from your love. I pray that I look to your grace. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for your love. Thank you forgiving me. Thank you for making me new. Thank you for reaching out for me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.