Your hands were big enough to hold the world.

I was asked to make a list of things to do for myself this week. It shouldn’t be near as hard as I made it.

  1. Christian Conferences
  2. Reading Christian Fiction
  3. Bible Studies
  4. Trips to Mobile
  5. Bath Bombs, Face Masks, Candles, and Gospel Music
  6. Gettin All Dolled-up to see the Girls
  7. This Prayer Journal
  8. Hallmark Movies
  9. Exercise Bikes
  10. Swimmin in the Lake

I also thought of a few things I like to do but never actually get around to:

  1. Sewing a T-Shirt Quilt
  2. Scrapbooking
  3. Drawing/Painting
  4. Going to the Park
  5. Looking at the Stars

I’ve tried this week to actually do these things on my off time. I stayed up late reading A Walk To Remember. I couldn’t put it down until I finished. So good. I went on a spontaneous day trip to the beach with a friend. The weather was so perfect. We sang lots of worship music, mine of course was off-key, so thank You for listening to my heart.

We sang some pop and country too. At some point on the drive we sang My Youth by Troye Sivan. I’ve listened to the song 1532 times. my youth, my youth is yours, a truth so loud you can’t ignore, my youth, my youth, my youth, my youth is yours.” I’ve always kinda sang that part to You, God. Because I gave my life to You so young. Because I’ve always seen my childhood as Yours. Lately, I’ve been processing the messy bits of my youth that I hid. So, I had this moment of reminding myself that my youth is still Yours. Because the darkness does not own me. Because the trauma does not own me. Because I was free to choose You. I am not a slave. I am not a product of my environment. I was given free will. Even in the fire, I chose You. Even in the flood, I chose You. Even in the 2nd grade, I chose You.

I heard someone on the radio say that: “in that moment where all your defenses are shattered, it’s in that moment where you are completely known by God and completely loved by God.” They continued by saying: “they will know us by our love.” I want Your love to be a truth in my life so loud that it cannot be ignored. I’m learning how to take down my walls this year, ya know the ones I spent my whole life building. The really tall and really wide and really strong ones. Yea, those walls. Lord, in order to take care of others and show love to them, I have to learn how to take care of myself too and love myself too. Because I cannot love You without loving others and without loving me too. Because You made them and You made me. You made them and me for Your glory. Sometimes loving myself is an act of glorifying You. I need to remember that.

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I let my defenses shatter and break. I pray that I stop trying to defend defenseless positions. I pray that I accept that I am completely known by you and completely loved by you at the same time. I pray that those around me know you by your love shining through me. I pray that I keep choosing you every single day, in every single situation. I pray that I learn to take care of myself too. I pray that I keep giving you my life. Even the messy bits. Scratch that. Especially the messy bits. I pray that your love is a truth in my life so loud it cannot be ignored. I pray that I trust you with my life. Lord, I know you hold the whole world in your hands, but sometimes I forget that I am apart of that world too. I pray that I let you hold me in your hands too. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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I’ve seen what faith can do.

My middle name is Faith. I’ve always loved my middle name. (Anddd because I’m a tad bit crazy…) I was on Pinterest and I started thinking about future children’s names. I’ve thought about it before and decided I wanted to share that with my girls. I want them to have middle names like joy or love or charity or something like that. So, I was thinking and I came up with Maisey Grace.

Because my middle name is Faith, I get a daily reminder of what my core is. I get a daily reminder of what keeps me growing and what keeps me grounded. My faith is what keeps me centered. It is what I made of. It is what keeps me going. I was raised in the church and then I made a decision to follow You when I was in the second grade. I chose to get baptized and make that commitment. I keep making that choice every single day. Of course, I’ve slipped and I’ve had doubts, but I’ve seen what You can do. I’ve seen what faith can do.

So, what is faith? Simply believing in what you can’t see? I used to think that’s all it took, but now I realize it’s a little more than that. Jamie in A Walk To Remember said this about her faith: “It’s like the wind. I can’t see it, but I feel it.” I think we can see faith all around us. I think we can see You all around us. I see your love Sunday mornings at church, on Saturday mornings doing community service, at Winter Jam, when someone opens the door for someone else, when my dad drove me all over town for colorguard or FCCLA, when my mama checked me out of school to get my nails done because kids were mean, when my mama walked me down the church isle to tell the children’s director I wanted to get baptized and supported my decision, when my best friend just sat with me when I needed to cry, when some of my Alpha Gam sisters pray for me, when I was a freshman at college and a girl walked me to my class because I was lost, when charity events raise more than they thought they could, and when simple little moments add up to a love story surrounded by You. Your love is all around us. We just have to open our eyes and see it.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I keep seeing the beauty in the little things. I pray I keep seeing you everywhere I go. I pray that I keep seeing your love. I pray that I share your love. I pray that I keep growing in my faith. I pray that I keep following you. I pray that I remember that you’re with me always. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.