I was asked to make a list of things to do for myself this week. It shouldn’t be near as hard as I made it.
- Christian Conferences
- Reading Christian Fiction
- Bible Studies
- Trips to Mobile
- Bath Bombs, Face Masks, Candles, and Gospel Music
- Gettin All Dolled-up to see the Girls
- This Prayer Journal
- Hallmark Movies
- Exercise Bikes
- Swimmin in the Lake
I also thought of a few things I like to do but never actually get around to:
- Sewing a T-Shirt Quilt
- Going to the Park
- Looking at the Stars
I’ve tried this week to actually do these things on my off time. I stayed up late reading A Walk To Remember. I couldn’t put it down until I finished. So good. I went on a spontaneous day trip to the beach with a friend. The weather was so perfect. We sang lots of worship music, mine of course was off-key, so thank You for listening to my heart.
We sang some pop and country too. At some point on the drive we sang My Youth by Troye Sivan. I’ve listened to the song 1532 times. “my youth, my youth is yours, a truth so loud you can’t ignore, my youth, my youth, my youth, my youth is yours.” I’ve always kinda sang that part to You, God. Because I gave my life to You so young. Because I’ve always seen my childhood as Yours. Lately, I’ve been processing the messy bits of my youth that I hid. So, I had this moment of reminding myself that my youth is still Yours. Because the darkness does not own me. Because the trauma does not own me. Because I was free to choose You. I am not a slave. I am not a product of my environment. I was given free will. Even in the fire, I chose You. Even in the flood, I chose You. Even in the 2nd grade, I chose You.
I heard someone on the radio say that: “in that moment where all your defenses are shattered, it’s in that moment where you are completely known by God and completely loved by God.” They continued by saying: “they will know us by our love.” I want Your love to be a truth in my life so loud that it cannot be ignored. I’m learning how to take down my walls this year, ya know the ones I spent my whole life building. The really tall and really wide and really strong ones. Yea, those walls. Lord, in order to take care of others and show love to them, I have to learn how to take care of myself too and love myself too. Because I cannot love You without loving others and without loving me too. Because You made them and You made me. You made them and me for Your glory. Sometimes loving myself is an act of glorifying You. I need to remember that.
So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I let my defenses shatter and break. I pray that I stop trying to defend defenseless positions. I pray that I accept that I am completely known by you and completely loved by you at the same time. I pray that those around me know you by your love shining through me. I pray that I keep choosing you every single day, in every single situation. I pray that I learn to take care of myself too. I pray that I keep giving you my life. Even the messy bits. Scratch that. Especially the messy bits. I pray that your love is a truth in my life so loud it cannot be ignored. I pray that I trust you with my life. Lord, I know you hold the whole world in your hands, but sometimes I forget that I am apart of that world too. I pray that I let you hold me in your hands too. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.