Just a whisper of Your voice can tame the seas.

Martha was a woman after my own heart. She’s pretty much my spirit animal. Like if there is any woman in the Bible like me, it’s definitely her. I am the one behind the scenes, making sure everything is perfect and running smoothly. The one who planned, cooked, cleaned, set up, etc. I like being that woman.

I have been that woman when I plan anything from parties to events. The woman who prepares the food, but waits until everyone has their plate and anything else they need before even thinking of getting one for myself. I am that woman in everything I do from organizations to job to school. In school, I was the quiet one, taking it all in. Teachers thought that meant I wasn’t participating. But I was, in my own way. In jobs, I want to be the one doing all the background work. I want to be the one that makes the whole team work harder and more efficient. In organizations, I want to plan it all. In college, I made sure I taught those around me too. Because I wasn’t like the others, when I left I didn’t want my absence to be felt. While other girls were concerned with “what are they gonna do without me?” I didn’t. I knew I had left my hand print on every member, every office, every inch of that house. Whether the girls ever give me credit or not, or whether they ever miss me or not, I know I left an impact on that house. I got a note from a Leadership Consultant one time that said I had no idea the influence I had with those women. And I didn’t at the time, but that note changed my perspective and made me appreciate the Martha in me.

Being a Martha woman is all fine and dandy, in fact it’s better than that, until I am in Your presence. When I lay things down at Your feet, I have tendency to pick them back up. When I spend time with You, I need to be like Mary. I need to sit at Your feet and listen, just listen. Stop letting my brain run 100 miles per hour. Stop over thinking. Stop analyzing and preparing. Just listen.

“I tried to fit you in the walls inside my mind
I try to keep you safely inbetween the lines
I try to put you in the box that I’ve designed
I try to pull you down so we are eye to eye

When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?
I try to take life back right out of the hands of the king of the world”

When I spend time with You I need to remember while I have been stuck and been off being a Martha, You have still been God. In the Stuck Study, Jennie Allen wrote: “Our stuck places are the very places that make us ache for God. Even in our God-given limitations. He is gracious and tender. I need Him, and so I got to Him. He is there…God is there. God, who spins the planets, is there waiting for me.”

So, that is my prayer today. Thank you for putting me in my place. I pray that I put my life back in your hands. I pray that I let you lead my life. I pray that you keep holding me. Thank you for never letting go. I pray that I stop controlling. I pray that I let you do your job and I pray that I do mine. I pray that I worship you more. I pray that I quiet my mind when I spend time with you. I pray that I let you speak through my actions, thoughts, heart, and motives. I pray that I let you speak though my life. I pray that I give it all to you. I pray that I learn to let go and let You work. I pray that I trust you. I pray that I remember you are king of the world. I pray that you are first in my life. I pray that I stop putting limits on your grace. I pray that I start giving you the glory. Thank you for your grace and tenderness. Thank you for spinning the planets. Thank you for keeping me spinning too. I pray that I remember those planets spin around the Sun. I pray that I remember to spin around the Father and the Son. Thank you for being there. Thank you for waiting for me to come to you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I was made to shine.

I was catching up on Girl Meets World and watched the episode “Girl Meets Flaws.” This episode quickly became my favorite. It had quite a few lessons for just half an hour. Riley was worried about what her friends think of her. Billy was jealous of his friends which led him to be mean in order to make himself feel better. Farkle was told he was nothing so he believed it.

I’ve always thought I was confident, but I’m really rather insecure. I guess that’s just scars left over from my childhood that never really healed. I’ve heard that you spend your whole life getting over what happens in your childhood. The more I think about that, the truer it becomes. Mr. Matthews was teaching them and said: “Sometimes the world presents you with opportunities to show who you really are. Will you have the courage to stand up to someone who tries to take your spirit away?” 

The second lesson was how to respond when people are mean. Lucas said: “Don’t let what anybody says get to you; that’s what gives them power.”

When I was a kid I felt like I got the Matilda speech from adults. I gave them the power and tried to fit myself into whatever box they wanted me in.

“Agatha Trunchbull: [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] For this newt, you piss-worm!
Matilda: I’m telling you, I didn’t do it!
Agatha Trunchbull: Besides, even if you didn’t do it, I’m going to punish you, because I’m big and you’re small, I’m right and you’re wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it!

Another lesson was that people change. I love that when Billy was being mean, they still worried for their friend. Riley was wondering why Billy didn’t see that he did anything wrong. Maya turns to Riley, like she always does, and says: “Riley, you can’t fix everything. Ok, go ahead.” (I absolutely love that and relate to Riley because I totally try to fix everything too. I totally have a Maya who believes I can too! She’s perfect!) At the end of the episode the kids in the class owned up to their flaws and wrote them on their foreheads. They did this as a way to show Billy it was ok to have flaws. When asked about their foreheads, Maya said: “When I own it, it doesn’t make me feel so bad.” Then Mr. Matthews handed them wipes and said: “We’re all human beings. We’re all on the same team and if we sense our own flaws because we see them in others; it’s true friends who help us wipe them away.”

A friend of mine posted on Instagram this quote: “Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold. Proverbs 11:27” So, I looked up the verse, which says: “If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you!” I wanna live like that. I wanna see the best in people always. I wanna be the one who finds the gold in everyone and everything around her. I wanna search for the good.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I burn bright for you. I pray that I see the good in others. I pray that I take Proverbs 11:27 with me. I pray that I remember to be patient with people because they can change. I pray that I continue to change as well. I pray that I continue to grow and learn. I pray that I stop letting others control me and try to take away my spirit. I pray that I stop giving them power over me. I pray that I focus only on you. I pray that I accept my flaws because you made me. I heard that we shouldn’t feel insecure about our flaws because it was like insulting you because you worked so hard to make us. Thank you for picking out every single hair on my head. Thank you for picking out my every strength and flaw. Thank you for creating me. I pray that I shine for you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.