I’ll shine a light ’cause I am loved.

I fall for the same type of guy every single time. The one that says all the right things but doesn’t mean them. The one that makes promises he has no intention of keeping. The one that hung the moon.

The funny thing about that is the moon is pretty and catches my attention and makes me happy for a little while but it’s just a reflection of the sun. The moon has no real light of it’s own. The moon is just a glimpse of the sun.

I’m tired of settling for secondary light. I’m tired of settling for the one that only sees me as the moon too. I want sunshine and I want someone who sees me as the sun too. I’m tired of settling for something that is just a preview of the real thing. I want the world to revolve around me. I want someone to think of me daily. I want someone who needs me daily. I want someone who cannot function without me and who depends on me. I want to be someone’s first thought in the morning, not the last thought they have at night.

I know I sound selfish, and that’s probs because I am. I don’t want these things because I think I’m needy and need the person to spend every waking second thinking of me and needing me. I just want to be a consideration. Like when he goes to the grocery store, I want him to pick up flowers. I want him to make sure my car gets the oil changed because he wants me to be taken care of. I want him to take out the trash because he knows I hate it. I just want the little things, the little moments of sunshine and warmth.

I want to be the sun because I want Your love to shine through me. I want others to see You through me and the man that loves me. I want others to know that You created the sun. I want a love story written by you because it is better than any story I could ever write. I’m tired of trying to write my own story.

I’m waiting for someone to love me like You do. Adam Cappa posted: “Your heart is precious to God, so guard it, and wait for the one who will treasure it.” I don’t want perfection, because I know the only perfect love, You’ve already given me. You’ve shown me love in more ways than I will ever even be able to grasp. I just want someone to pursue You with. I want someone to hold my hand on the way to church. I want someone to pray with me and for me.

In Fervent, Priscilla Shirer told us to pray for our husbands before we ever walk down the aisle. She wrote: “Pray that he’ll be set ablaze with love for Christ and a heart for leading you well and making your marriage a devoted priority. Pray that God would guard his friendships and those who influence the path he is taking even right now. Pray that his passions would be attuned with an authentic faith, that his purity would be a matter of deep commitment, and that God would superintend the circumstances that bring the two of you together…all in His perfect plan and His perfect timing.”

So, here is my prayer today. I’m praying for my sunshine. I pray that he prays for me too. I pray Priscilla’s prayer and I pray that he is actively seeking you. I pray he is working for your glory. I pray that you are his everything. I pray that he is running to you. I pray that when trouble finds him, he goes to you. I pray that when sorrow consumes him, he goes to you. I pray that when he is lost, he goes to you. I pray that when he is blessed beyond measure, he goes to you. Lord, thank you for writing my story. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me your perfect love. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Hallelujah, I am Your’s and You are mine.

My last class of the day is one of my marketing classes. The class is on Business2Business sales. To be perfectly frank, I hate sales. I do not like selling. All I can think of is like those retail credit card people or like the typical car salesman, the pushy types! I wanted to better understand sales, which is exactly why I chose this class as one of my marketing electives.

Today, in class, we were discussing features and attributes. The professor asked “how do you translate those features and attributes into benefits?” In all seriousness, in my mind, I went with what I knew: Alpha Gam. I started making a mental checklist of features and attributes:

  1. Dues
  2. Intramurals
  3. Community Service
  4. Panhellenic Love
  5. Study Hours
  6. Recruitment
  7. Offices
  8. Campus Involvement
  9. Programs
  10. Living in the House

Maybe it’s because I’m an alum now or maybe it’s because I held so many offices and got so involved, but I could totally see in terms of benefits:

  1. Responsiblity
  2. Life Skills
  3. Outreach
  4. Networking
  5. Higher GPAs/Better College Retention Rates
  6. Engaged Members
  7. Leadership
  8. Well Rounded Student Experience
  9. Growing together as sisters and growing as individual women
  10. Memories I will cherish and friendships I hold extremely dear

On the way home from class, I started thinking about that question in a different way. I started applying it to my relationship with You, Lord. Lysa Terkeurst talks about the “Christian Checklist” all the time and how we’re just trying to mark things off our list. I started thinking about the features and attributes of that list:

  1. Read your Bible and study scripture
  2. Pray
  3. Go to church

The “Christian Checklist” could go on and on. What I think we forget sometimes is the benefits:

  1. Patience
  2. Guidance
  3. Accountability
  4. Peace
  5. Reassurance
  6. Freedom
  7. Forgiveness
  8. Protection
  9. Understanding
  10. Healing
  11. Love
  12. Honestly
  13. Respect
  14. Hope
  15. Truth
  16. Intention
  17. Purpose
  18. Promises
  19. Strength
  20. Endurance
  21. Wisdom
  22. Teaching

The Bible says 365 times “Do Not Fear.” What is the opposite of fear? Faith. What greater benefit than Faith?

So, that is my prayer today. I wanna say thank you for being my everything. Thank you for my faith. Thank you for all the many benefits that you give us and all the ones I didn’t list. Thank you for making me, yours. Lord, I’m lifting my hands up to you. I am in awe of you. Thank you for being my light in the darkness. Thank you for letting me run to you. Thank you for picking me up off the ground, time and time again. I also wanna thank you for my experience in Alpha Gam. I wanna thank you for letting me get to know the beautiful women in that house. Thank you for letting me learn and grow there. Thank you for teaching me to live with purpose. I wanna pray for them as they head into recruitment this week and start the first round of recruitment tonight. I pray that you watch over them and the other Panhellenic women in all the houses and all the women going through recruitment and all the alums helping and all the volunteers. I pray that they enjoy this experience and make the most of this week. I pray that they learn from the features and attributes and see all the benefits. I pray that those benefits translate into skills and relationships they can take with them into the rest of their lives. Thank you for showing me the benefits today and helping me to realize just how blessed I am. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.