And I’m alright, I’m okay.

I just heard this song that completely related to my life. The song is Downside Of Growing Up. The song starts talking about how hard it is leaving your mama. Well, to be honest, I’m graduating in May, so I’m pretty used to crying as I leave my mama. It really doesn’t get easier leaving, you just also create a home in college, so it makes it hard to leave here too. College pulls your heart in so many different directions, sometimes it’s hard to find all the pieces. This summer, I said good-bye to my mama and moved into a house with a couple of roommates. I love the freedom. I can have candles and there’s no RA coming to check to see if my trash is piled up or if the fire alarm works, again. The downside is there is no more of the really nice maintenance men coming to fix things for me. I have to fix things myself. So, I went into Lowe’s and I figured out what I needed and tried to replace that toilet handle myself. The first time was a bust and to be honest, I wanted my daddy to come fix it for me. The downside is he is 5 hours away so, I had to go back to Lowe’s. The second time was a success. I have never been more proud to fix something in my whole life. Ok. I get it. It’s like a $7 replacement and it was like super easy to do, but I did it all on my own. Ok. It was a big step into the adult world for me.

Then this morning was less than stellar. I started by missing my classes because I was in a car accident. I was on time this morning and I was looking cute, like everything was going good, until it wasn’t. The downside of growing up was that my parents were 5 hours away. The truth is, as bleak as the morning looked, I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. So, because I love lists: Here is a list of blessings for today:

  1. My daddy was on the phone with me the whole time, reminding me to breathe. He is usually a complete softy, ok. I don’t care what all the stories say about how tough or strong or he was or how he used to be like the best football player ever, ok. The man braided my hair and drove me to every single club meeting, event, performance, and cried like a baby every single time he was proud of me, which was every time I breathed. When Gary Allen sings Tough Little Boys, he is singing about my daddy. This morning however, that was the strongest man I’ve ever known. His reassurance held me together.
  2. There was a Bible in the ER room, so I could turn to Isaiah 43:2.
  3. My person dropped everything to be by my side, the moment I called her and she stayed right there by me the whole day. She texted my mom updates. She stood by me as they towed my car away. She stood by me in the ER. She stood by me while I waited on prescriptions. She stood by me at home too, just to make sure I was ok. She was everything I needed and more.
  4. In the X-Ray room, there is a dry erase board. Written on that board is Psalm 86:7 which says: In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me.
  5. When the insurance claims man called, he started by saying he was an Alum of South Alabama, Go Jags. I hope me knows how fabulous that was to hear.
  6. My little was beyond thoughtful. She stood by me in the ER in between classes. Then she brought me dinner, AmeriCone Dream ice cream for later, and breakfast for tomorrow. She texted my littles and grandlittles to let them know I was safe.
  7. My lovely Alpha Gam sister serenaded me Shake It Off. It meant more to me than words can explain.
  8. My roommate looked at me when she got home and said you look like you need a hug. I most certainly did.

I might have started this morning thinking I was going to see the downside of growing up, but I felt pretty blessed instead.

So, that is my prayer today. While the song says your dad ain’t there to get you unstuck, thank you for making sure that wasn’t true for me. Thank you for my daddy’s strength and kindness today. Thank you for making sure that you, my heavenly father, will always be there to get me unstuck. Thank you giving me a daddy to teach me that. Thank you for the many wonderful people that took care of me at the accident, in the er, in the line to get my prescription, and everywhere I went today. Thank you for the lady, when I called 911, that told me to just breathe. I pray for all of them. They were so kind and extremely patient with me. Thank you for my sisters for taking care of me. Thank you for Psalm 86:7 and the fact that I can call out to you when I’m scared. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone in more ways than one today. Thank you for the downside of growing up. Thank you teaching me and guiding me. Thank you for leading me. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I got an umbrella and I think it’s big enough for the both of us.

I have the honor of planning my chapter’s International Reunion Day this year and the theme is “Strength in Sisterhood.” I could not be more excited for the theme! I learned and witnessed a lot during my time in Alpha Gam, but nothing more than strength!

Mattie Stepanek said: “Unity is strength… when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.” Strength is showing up. It’s the last sister in the room putting up chairs after chapter. It’s the first one to sign up to play intramurals or dance in a philanthropy competition. It’s the sister that volunteers all week at the hospital and still signs up for that 7am service walk on Saturday morning. It’s the sister with the 4.0 gpa helping her little with her freshman math class. It’s the sister that takes 18 hours and an EC office. It’s the sister who paints the sheet sign until all hours of the night and still makes sure it’s hung up the next day. It’s the sister that makes you feel welcome every single time you enter the house. It’s the sister that never misses a meeting. It’s the sister that will text you good luck on your test day. It’s the sister that is always taking care of everyone else. It’s the sister who is always cleaning the chapter room without anyone ever even knowing. It’s the sister that forgave you for hurting her feelings. It’s the sister handing you tissues at a funeral. It’s the sister handing you tissues on your wedding day. It’s the sister who showed you it’s ok to be vulnerable and guarded your secrets safely. It’s the leadership consultant that makes every single member see their importance in the chapter. It’s the advisor that dedicates so much of her time and energy just to see the chapter thrive. It’s the little, unremembered acts of kindness that make the biggest impact.

Eleanor Roosevelt said: “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.” That’s why I chose Spot of Tea as the place to hold our IRD celebration. Strength is showing up in the tough times too. Life is rough sometimes and we all have storms to go through in every single phase of our lives. Strength is who we were, who we are, and who we’re becoming. Strength is the sister that holds your hand through it all. It’s the sister who knows when to give you space and when to hold on tighter. It’s the sister that just knows when you need a hug. It’s the sister that was there through the good, the bad, and all the in-between. I saw strength in every single sister as a collegian and now I have the privilege to see it in my sisters as an alum. “We stuck together, no matter the weather and that ain’t gonna change.”

So, this is my prayer today. I pray for my sisters all around the world that are celebrating IRD. I pray for my sisters from my chapter and all the other chapters. I pray that they see their strength. I pray they only grow stronger. Thank you for leading me to these women. Thank you for putting them into my life. Thank you the good times and the bad. Thank you for the storms and all they taught me. Thank you for sisters who take on the rain for me. Thank you for sisters who face the wind with me. Thank you for allowing them to teach me how to be a beautiful and purposeful woman. Thank you for allowing them to teach me how to be a strong woman. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Praying that I’ll find a way to make it.

Yesterday, I had such a good morning. I felt great and I was in a great mood. My presentation went fabulously. Then it all just went downhill. I started to feel sick and then I got all self conscious and insecure for absolutely no reason at all. I let the fear creep in. It all started with that stinkin fortune cookie from last week that told me I needed to make new friends. Maybe they won’t have time for me anymore. Maybe our lives are in different places. Maybe they don’t even like me anyways and are looking for an excuse to get rid of me. I started freaking out about what’s going to happen next year and the year after and the year after and everything just got wayyy scary. That 10 year plan is like halfway over and sometimes, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Half the time I am still unsure of myself.

Then, as if I wasn’t emotional enough, I thought about Christopher and how much I missed him.

So, by this point, I wanted to curl up in my bed and hide. I was done with the day. I felt like even when I was happy and excited about my presentation that something was missing. I felt alone even though I was surrounded by people that loved me. All of my fears were completely irrational.

I realized that none of it was about me. It was about You. Lord, I need You.

“Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with You”

I realized that even though I was in a terrible mood, good things could happen and I could fly.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I wake up renewed today. I pray that I let go of my fears, my pride, and whatever is holding me back. I pray that I look to you. I pray that I am filled with you. I pray that you empty me. I pray that I learn to fly on the way down. I pray that I focus on you. I pray that you take my life and use it for your will. I pray that you keep guiding me. I pray that you keep using me. I pray that I learn to let go. I pray that I let go of my 10 year plan. I pray that I let go of all my plans. I pray that I hold on tighter to you and your plan. I pray that I am filled with your love. I pray that I share your love. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.