I wanna believe that You got me, Lord.

When something happens to my friends or they need me, my first response is “girlllllll, I got you.” But when it’s me, I fumble for words and don’t know how to fight my own battles. When it’s others, I can help. I can fight. I can do whatever they need. When it’s me, I got nothing. Maybe You just want the chance to say “girl, I got you” or more accurately, “child, I already have you.” 

Lord, we both know I have trust issues. I try to do things on my own. I am as stubborn as a mule. I need to learn how to lean on You. I saw a video on Facebook of Keith Urban and his wife, Nicole Kidman singing in the car to Keith’s new song with Carrie Underwood. Nicole was singing Carrie’s part and the two of them were just as cute as cute could be. They were dancing along and I fell in love with the song instantly. I went out the next day and bought the CD. (#truefan I bought the actual CD, not the digital version) I was listening to the song on repeat and started thinking.

Maybe that’s what my relationship with You needs to be like. My heart these days is singing those lyrics over and over again. What if I fall? What if I cry? And if I get scared? It took this song to remind me that You’re singing along with me. “Child, I already have you.” Cause you’re precious heart is a precious heart. When they’re tryna get to you child I’ll be the fighter. Let me be the one to heal all the pain…

Last week, my week got a jump start on Wednesday when TobyMac posted: “Do you trust me when my answer is wait?-God” Ok, Lord, You have my attention. Then TobyMac posted this yesterday: “At the end of the day you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s holding you together.” I’ve been focusing on all the wrong things lately. It’s time to readjust my focus.

Sunday, a friend of mine posted: “I’m just curious to know…does anyone turn off their radio when they come to red light? Probably not, right? So why do we do that with God? Why when He says “wait” or we go through a storm do we turn off our prayers and praises? Shouldn’t we continue to dance and sing while we wait? Just as if our favorite song came on at a red light.” I’m not gonna lie. I screenshot that post right then and there. I turned into that lady at church with her hand in the air screaming “preach.” I literally jumped off the couch. When I’m at a red light, I turn the music up louder and start dancing and singing even more. That is exactly what I need to be with my life right now.

This week has been nothing but little reminders of “child, I already have you.” I apparently needed the message drilled in because I didn’t see the neon sign the first time. On Thursday, Proverbs 31 Ministries posted a quote from Lysa TerKeurst: “When I’m afraid, I sometimes resist trusting God. I want to see my circumstances change. But maybe God wants ME to change. To be less fearful. More faith-filled.” Then she ended the post with: “I have to resisting the process…stop being dismayed…and rest assured God is with me.”

So, this is my prayer today. Lord, I need you. I can’t do this on my own. I’m scared. I’m weak. Lord, I pray that you readjust my focus. I pray that you keep getting my attention. I pray that I turn up the prayers and praises. I pray that you keep changing me. I pray that I become more faith-filled. I pray for peace and assurance. I pray that I stop resisting the process. I pray that I am more patient in times of waiting and silence. I pray that I trust you more because you already have me. I pray that I give you all my heart. I believe in you and I pray that I learn to believe you when you speak to my heart. I pray that you keep speaking directly to my heart. I pray that I learn to listen more. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You can have all this world, give me Jesus.

I was in the car today on the way home from work and I called my dad. He started talking politics again and he says things just to push my buttons and get me all defensive. I played right into his hands. I started defending my opinions and just kept talking and he just sat there laughing. I was sitting there talking about how our only job in life is to bring people to You, Lord.

Our job as Christians is to engage in Your word and with Your people. Isaiah 40:8 says: The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever. We are called to love others as You first loved us. We are called to love. Thomas Edison said: “If we did all the things we were capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” I just want the chance to do that. I want to use all that I capable of doing for Your plan. I know You are the Master and Creator, that You are connecting every single thing together to work for Your glory. I am just a small part in Your greater plan and I am so thankful to have a tiny part in Your plan.

I was watching American Idol the other day and one of the judges told La’Porsha that she was a vessel for her gift, that it just poured through her. Later she said: “I used to sing like I knew what I was doing now I sing like I know why I’m doing it.” My why is You, Lord. On the next episode Keith Urban told La’Porsha about this saying: “I judge myself not by what I have, but what I am willing to give.” I want to give it all to You, Lord. Everything I am, everything I have. I wanna give it all to You. I wanna grow in You. I wanna keep praying and walking with You. I wanna grow closer to You. I have spent my entire life, following You and growing in my relationship with You. And the last two years, I was practically running to You. I have spent time growing in my faith. I want to spend even more time with You. I want to pray more and read more and study more.

I want to tell everyone about You, Jesus. That’s part of why when I started college, my major was education. I figured that was the best way to serve You. Then I found public relations or rather public relations found me. It was like everything in my life has been leading up to this point. Every day in class, every experience, every job, every activity I ever participated in, every fundraiser I ever helped lead, every event I ever planned, and every leadership position I ever held has been leading me here. Graduation is only a couple of months away. I’ve been collecting certain skills and talents my whole life for this moment. I have been working towards this for as long as I can remember. Lord, You are so intentional. I didn’t see the way the puzzle pieces were going to fit together, but I think I always knew this was where you wanted me.

Lord, You have a plan for my life, I know that and whether this is what You want me to do or if this is just supposed to teach me something. Either way, Lord, I want to serve You. I want to bring people to You. I want to tell others about You. I want to share Your love. I want to use my education, my knowledge, my attributes, and my abilities to work for You.

Isaiah 6:8 says: Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

Lord, I sent out another application today. This one had me beaming from ear to ear and my eyes welling up with tears from excitement. Honestly, I just want to serve You, Lord, to the best of my abilities, in any way You see fit.

So, this is my prayer today. If this is your will, Lord, then let’s go. I want to serve you. I want to go where you send me. I pray that I keep seeking your will. I pray that I keep following you. I pray that I bring honor and glory to your name. Lord, I pray that you light my path. I pray that I seek you. I pray that you lead me and guide me. I pray that I have an open heart and open ears to listen. I pray that I sing because I know why. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I hope you dance.

There is an article going around called: “10 Ways Your Little Is Actually like Your Child.” I saw the article a few months ago and immediately knew it was true. It was on my newsfeed again today and I’ve been thinking about my littles this week something fierce so, I thought I would pray for them today.

They have impacted my life so much and brought me so much joy! I literally can’t even imagine my life without them. They have become a part of me. Here are the 10 ways that the article describes:

1. “You enjoy spoiling her.”

Trueeeeeee. I spent months saving and shopping and crafting to make sure they were taken care of during I-Week. I still love spoiling them! For Diamond, it was her birthdays. I made sure her door was decorated every year and that she knew she was loved. For Katie, it’s my time. I know she values the little things so, I try to set aside time each day to talk to her or spend time with her. I want her to always know I’m there. For Avery and Alecia, it was their I-Week baskets. I crafted out the wazoo! I think I literally had like 10-12 canvas paintings for each of them. I wanted them to know that I loved them and that they were important to me.

2. “You’re protective over her.”

One of the best things my big did for me was to protect me. From literally everything. She completely took care of me so, I tried to pass that protection along to my littles.

3. “You give her what she wants.”

“If she wants to borrow anything, it’s hers. It’s like everything you own might as well be hers too. If she needs a favor, you go out of your way to do it for her.”

4. “You’re responsible for her behavior.”

Becoming a big is a tough job sometimes. My big was there to catch me when I fell and help me learn from my mistakes so, I hope I did that too. Every now and then I’ll have these moments like Rodney Atkins and I’ll start changing the lyrics and singing She’s mine.

I yelled she’s mine that one
Got a wild-hair side and then some
It’s no surprise what she’s done
And I’ll take the blame
And claim her every time
Yeah, she’s mine and she’ll always be
The best thing that ever happened to me
You can’t turn it off like electricity
I love her unconditionally
I’ll take the blame
And claim her every time
Yeah, y’all, she’s mine
I thank God, she’s mine

5. “Your relationship is judgment-free.”

I tried to do my best to have open, honest relationships with my littles. For Kristin, it was pref night. I have literally never had a pref night like that one. I don’t even know how it happened, but I gave her a little part of me that night. We poured our hearts out and literally cried. She said she felt like God was leading her to Alpha Gam and it was all I could do not to claim her as my little right there and then!

6. “You mentor her.”

“Any tips and tricks that have helped you get by in college, you want to share with her. You want her to know all of the shortcuts, all of the dos and don’ts, and all of the secrets you never knew. You want to warn her about every mistake that you made and learned from. Anything you can possibly help her with, you do.” I tried to share my experience with them as much as possible and let them learn on their own at the same time. I wanted them to have the best experience possible.

7. “You show her off.”

“You’re actually like that mom that brags about her child to all the other moms.” Yes, I am. I am so deeply proud to call my littles, mine. I have invested in them and cherished them. I want everyone to see the potential I see in them. They’re fabulous and everyone should know just how fabulous they are.

8. “You feel for her.”

“When she’s happy, you’re happy. When she’s upset, you’re upset. You hate to see her going through a hard time and it hurts you just as much as it hurts her. If she’s down, you do whatever you can to cheer her up. Her happiness is just as important to you as your own.”

9. “You listen and give advice.”

“It is almost maternal in the way that you offer your advice.” I have tried to always be there to listen to them. I want them to know they can come to me with anything and everything. Nothing is too big or too small. Keith Urban and Eric Church have this new song that I completely loveeeee that explains it.

“Raise em’ up
You’ve got a voice, you’ve got a choice
Go make some noise
Don’t ever let em’ tell you
Who you are”

10. “You love her like family.”

“No matter what she does, you will always love her.” I may not have raised them, but I am so thankful for the people that did. I hope I have helped them as much as my big helped me. I hope they know they are loved and important. They are gonna change the world someday and I so thankful to be able to witness it.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray they know they are loved. I pray they know how special they are. I pray they know how smart, generous, kind, thoughtful, talented, and amazing they are. I pray that we only get to know each other more in the coming years. I pray they love their time in Alpha Gam as much as I did. I pray they learn a lot and grow as much as possible. I pray you protect them and guide them. Thank you for putting them in my life. Thank you making them the people they are today. It’s been my honor to be their big and I pray they know just how much it means to me to be their big. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.