He’s up to something.

Ok, so with graduation coming up, I have been sending out my resume with like a whole bunch of optimism and hope attached to that cover letter. Like my dreams are riding on those pieces of paper. The rejection letters that are following are weighing on a girl’s heart. Ok, most of them say they need someone immediately and to reapply in a few months. That’s fine I can accept that, except I don’t wanna wait. I’m excited and ready to go. There is a couple that say I need more experience, that’s fine because I knew I did when I applied for those but I figured it was worth a shot. You never know what might happen and what doors could open. I wanted to be open to all possibilities. Then there is the one this week that says they appreciate my creativity but decided to go in a different direction. That one hurt a little more than I would like to admit.

Elizabeth Edwards said: “She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.” So, here I am adjusting my sails, adjusting my outlook, adjusting my attitude, and turning all my attention to You, Lord.

I figured I needed a “pick me up.” I pulled out some old notes and got ready to start praying. Inside of my notes I found three fortune cookie quotes that I liked over the years and had saved. They kinda hit the nail on the head for the kind of reminder I need.

  1. “You are a skilled organizer and aware of group dynamics.”
  2. “You have a deep understanding of other people’s needs and feelings.”
  3. “You are far more influential than you think.”

Alrightttttt, let’s put that on my resume and I’ve got the experiences to back that up. Now while I don’t put much stock in believing in fortune cookies, I do think that God gives us little signs and reminders if we’re paying attention.

I’m reading chapter 5 of For the Love by Jen Hatmaker. The chapter is called: “Run Your Race.” In the chapter she says to invest in your gifts and stop downsizing what you’ve been given. She wrote: “You are good at something for a reason. God designed you this way, on purpose. It isn’t fake or a fluke or small. These are the mind and heart and hands and voice you’ve been given, so use them.” Then she says: “The timing is never right. Forget that.” Boy, did I need to hear this. This chapter could not have been timed anymore perfect. But it is perfect, because it’s Your timing. It’s Your details. It’s Your grand design. Every moment of my life has been orchestrated by Your hands and it is a beautiful thing. She ends the chapter with: “But off you go because we were not created to stand still, even though that is safe and familiar and you are guaranteed never to fall or stumble or grow weary. We were made to run. RUN. I’m grinning at you. We all are.” My heart tingled when I read that. Ok, I’m putting my running shoes on now. (Btdubbs, I need to thank Mama again for the new ones for Christmas.)

I also found my notes from Xtreme Winter. In my chicken scratch, written in a hurry, trying to soak in every word, it says: “Don’t miss an opportunity to pray. We have enough Jesus to get by but he doesn’t have enough of us. Step out and quit letting Satan control your life.” Then at the bottom of my notes is written: “I believe I was destined to be here.” Which reminded me of a saying: “You are where God wants you to be at this very moment. Every experience is part of his divine plan.”

So, that is my prayer. I pray that I let today serve as a reminder that you are not finished with me yet. I pray that I remember you have a plan for me. Lord, you have been preparing me and leading me to this point. You do not do things without intention and purpose. Thank you for guiding me. I pray that I continue to follow you. I pray that I set my sights on you. I pray that I adjust my sails. I pray that I give you everything I have and all that I am. I pray that I give you the control. I pray that I keep seeing your hand in the details of my life. I pray that I run my race. I pray that I remember to thank my friends and family for cheering me on and supporting me during my race. I pray that I don’t minimize my gifts. I pray that I put them on display for all to see the work you have done in me. I pray that I keep showing off how glorious you are. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I give it all to You.

I started reading For the Love by Jen Hatmaker. She examined her balance beam and all she was trying to balance. She made a detailed list of everything she was doing and analyzed it. I thought that was a brilliant idea. So here is my beam.

  1. Classes. This will be off the beam in three short months as I head for graduation but learning, most definitely will continue to stay on the beam.
  2. Work is on the beam. I need to remember that listening to gossip is just as bad as saying it though and take that right back off the beam. I was doing so well too, but lately it seems to be trying to get back on my beam. No. It’s not healthy for me and it drains me.
  3. Applying for jobs for after graduation. Totes on the beam. Hopefully in three months this will be off the beam too!
  4. Striving for perfection. Off the beam. I work really hard and if given a task I will complete it. Somewhere along the way I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t good enough at one specific thing and that meant I had no strengths. I may not have “one” certain thing, but I am fabulous at a lot of things and I work really hard. I’m letting myself off the hook for this one. I had a manager complement me one time by saying that when I don’t know the answer to something I’m really good at getting the information I need to help that person. I am not perfect by any stretch of the word but I am relentless and I will do whatever I can to help.
  5. Weekly lunches with my person. Definitely on the beam. Sometimes we literally have so much to say that we can’t hardly talk fast enough. Sometimes we have no words and just sit and enjoy the silence. There is something amazing about having a friendship that solid and I cherish it.
  6. Cooking dinner. On. Cleaning the dishes. On. It gives me peace. I like doing it. I should do more of it. Listening to people complain as I learn to cook. Off the beam, for good. It is unnecessary.
  7. Spending time with my littles. On the beam. Anytime they need anything, I’m there, somehow, someway. Always.
  8. Reading and praying is making a return to my beam. The last month (or two) I’ve let it slip.
  9. Alpha Gamma Delta. As an alum this part of balancing takes up a lot less space, but it is certainly not off of my beam. I just donate my time and energy in different ways as an Alum. I don’t want this one ever off my beam completely. I want to be an advisor one day and I hope to contribute to my chapter and my organization for the rest of my life.
  10. Control. Off. Most absolutely and utterly off. That was never mine to place on the beam in the first place. I’m all about taking off unnecessary burdens so why did I even try to put this on my beam in the first place? I’m gonna put freedom on my beam instead, because You always meant for that to take it’s place.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I learn to examine my beam from time to time. I pray that I take advantage of the freedom you have given me and let go of the control that I never had to begin with. You have always had control, I just tried to take it on my own and I cannot do it alone and I do not have to. You have my heart. You have my love. You have my time and energy. You are my balance beam. I pray that every part of my balance beam is an extension of your love. I give you my beam. I pray that I hold onto you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.