Lord, don’t give up on me.

Ok, so here is what I know at this very moment. We are completely moved out the rental house. There is still construction going on in my home from 8am-5pm every day but Sunday. The first real walk-in closet I’ve ever had has been built, I’m just waiting on rods for the shelves. All the furniture, clothes, and belonging get delivered starting Tuesday. I am extremely excited. I am also extremely hot because the insulation in the attic had to be moved for the electrician so the air conditioner is working hard for nothing. The electrician can’t finish the electrical until the cabinets are installed. Long story short, I am gonna be hot for about three weeks or so I’ve been told. I learned that I get mean when I’m hot…

Which I suppose is exactly why the AC is out in my car and has been for going on three summers. Which I suppose is exactly why the AC ordered for my bedroom got back ordered, twice. The youth I work with run around the house saying: “God don’t like ugly.” Well, Lord, I guess You don’t. Obviously, I still need to learn how to be nice when I’m hot and sweaty. Obviously, it is a lesson meant to be learned the hard way.

It feels like the devil is digging a circle around me, trying to knock me down, but I’m standing on The Rock so he can’t. He’s just digging deeper and deeper, digging until he’s completely under The Rock, until the ground underneath crumbles. But I’m ready for it this time so I’m holding on and not caught off guard. Then The Rock hits solid ground and I’m still standing firm on The Rock. So, the devil just has to start all over digging holes. I think the devil has just always been digging holes, but I wasn’t so ready before because I was holding onto other things while I was standing on The Rock. I had to learn to drop everything else piece by piece in order to keep my balance and hold onto The Rock.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Who is the crazy one now? I am changing what I was doing. I am altering my environment. Just because I am in the same place, does not mean I am the same person. The only thing with power over me is You, Father. You are The Rock. You are my firm foundation. You are my resting place, my safe place. You are where my strength comes from when the whole world crumbles around me.

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that continuing forward, I stay cool, calm, and collected as temperatures rise. I pray that I am yours. I pray that I am kind. I pray that I am compassionate. I pray that I am patient. I pray that I am loving. I pray that I am giving. I pray that I really start livin. I pray that I continue learning to trust you. I pray that I keep my eyes focused on you. I pray that I keep my battle armor ready. I pray that I look to you and not the dirt around me. I pray that even when the dirt surrounds me, I pray I ain’t getting my boots dusty. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Little girl dreams are bigger than they seem.

I was cleaning out some papers and old notebooks Friday before class and I found a spiral notebook. Inside was a list of things I wanted from my future husband. (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love lists!) I don’t even know when I wrote it. Probably like two or three years ago. Anyways, here is the list:

1. I want him to go to church with me and hold my hand.

2. When I’m sad, I want him to know me so well that he knows I need to sit and cry. I want him to just hold me in his arms and protect me.

3. When I’m sick, I want him to bring me chicken noodle soup. I want him to let me lay my head in his lap and play with my hair while we watch movies.

4. I want him to understand how important Alpha Gamma Delta is to me and not question it when I want to bring snacks to recruitment training to become an advisor, as long as it doesn’t take away from him or our family.

5. I want him to take me on adventures and go places, but also now the importance of sitting around watching movie marathons.

6. I want him to dance with me, but the cute, funny way and not the weird way. (Literally, that is what I wrote.)

7. I want him to love my terrible singing because it makes him laugh. (Bless his heart, he’s gonna have to find humor it because there is no talent in it.)

8. I want him to know when my eyes change colors.

9. I want him to be a man, but treat me like a partner.

10. I want to make family decisions together and have a joint bank account, but I also want each of us to save a little money in separate accounts for emergencies.

11. I want to have a stable flow of income and not live paycheck to paycheck.

12. I want him to have a big heart. I want him to want to foster a bunch of kids with me.

13. I want him to call me Darlin.

14. I want to be able to laugh with him.

15. I don’t want to feel controlled.

16. I want him to take care of me as much as I will take care of him.

17. I want him to pray with me.

18. I want him to reassure me. (Umm. I know I’m fabulous and all, but picking out clothes is like picking out a personality for the day. It takes time. I will change my mind 154 times. He can just take a lesson from my daddy, just tell me I look good in everything.)

19. I want him to keep me protected and feel safe.

20. I want us both to know how lucky we are to have each other and cherish each other.

21. I want him to be a hard worker.

22. I want him to want to teach our kids the stories in the Bible.

23. I want him to take out the trash and clean my hair out of the drain.

24. I want him to be a strong person in his faith and as a leader of the house.

25. I want him to talk with me during movies and answer my questions and shield me from any scary parts.

26. I want him to take Sunday drives with me. (Sunday’s are important. I want family time after church. I want us all to take a long leisurely drive or go down to lake and go fishing or play football in the back yard or running through the sprinkler after we have big family lunch. I don’t want family time reserved for holidays. I want it every Sunday after church.)

So, this is my prayer. I pray that I keep making lists so when he does come, I’ll be ready and know what I want. I pray that I keep my focus on you. I pray that I keep praying. I pray that I keep learning and growing in my relationship with you. I pray that while I am waiting, I am preparing. I pray that I am preparing my heart. I pray that I guarding it safely.  And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

And loves me like Jesus does.

Part 7 of the How to be Awesome series is “If you want to see different results, do things differently.”

In the video, she asks us what is something we would like to see improve about ourselves. (I know these people aren’t perfect. No human being is, but these people have qualities I admire.) So, since I love lists so much, here is mine:

1. I want a confidence like Blair Waldorf and still have that vulnerability and feminism. I wanna fight for love as hard as she does. (Plus she rocks some really pretty hair and she’s totally why I started wearing headbands and bows in my hair. Having her wardrobe wouldn’t hurt either!)

2. I want a heart like Miranda Lambert. I wanna stand up for myself and for others like she does too. (I totally wouldn’t mind that new bed and breakfast she just opened too! That place is gorgeous! Her wedding looked pretty stinkin perfect too. Plus Blake Shelton is pretty adorable.)

3. I want to have class, sophistication, and grace like Kate Middleton.

4. I want to inspire others and praise You the way that Britt Nicole does.

5. I want to live my values like Jamie Grace. (I could totally rock her cowboy boot collection too!)

6. I want to be fearless and a pioneer like Kimberly Perry. (I would love to whip my hair around like she does too!)

7. I want to feel completely content being exactly who I am like Taylor Swift.

8. I want to have Reba’s family values. (Plus her hair always has that perfect southern volume.)

9. I want to basically want be Eric Church’s wife. The songs he sings about her: Like Jesus Does, You Make it Look Easy, and A Man Who Was Gonna Die Young. (My heart just swoons with every lyric!)

“I’m a long-gone Waylon song on vinyl,
I’m a back row sinner at a tent revival,
But she believes in me like she believes her Bible,
And loves me like Jesus does.”

10. I want to have strength like in She Don’t Tell Me to by Montgomery Gentry.

11. I want to be the girl in Me and God Love Her by Toby Keith.

12. I want a voice and charm like RaeLynn. (Clearly I am never going to be able to sing like her, but she’s just absolutely adorable and completely southern.)

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I always strive to be better. I pray that I realize perfection is not going to happen but that I keep growing. I pray that I keep learning from others. I pray that I keep pushing myself. I pray that I get closer to you. I pray that you keep guiding me and challenging me. I pray that I become the woman that you created me to be. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.