You’re the one thing I can’t loose when I’ve run to the end of me.

Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord. I went to pick up my Easter dress because I had it shipped to the mall so I could try it on before I brought it home. I stopped by Lifeway since I was on that side of town and got the Tenth Avenue North CD because they played: I Have This Hope at Winter Jam and I can’t stop listening to the song now. Lord, the words on that album spoke volumes way down deep.

I had two struggles this weekend. Those dirty mean little lies came creeping in this weekend: I spend every waking second taking care of everyone around me, who is taking care of me? Ohhhhhh Lord. You had an answer. Play track 3: Overflow. And let the Heavens saaaang: Let Your perfect love come and fill us up. Till we can’t help but oh, overflow, oh, oh. Ohhhh Lord have mercy on my soul. That’s just it. I am overflowing. I have so much inside of me that I can’t help but give everything I’ve got to those around me. My faith and my love and my soul is like that basket when You fed the 5000, it just keep giving and giving. Lord, I don’t need someone to take care of me because I have the ultimate life-sustaining, life-giver, I have You, Lord. My basket will never empty because I will always be able to go to You to be filled again.

The second struggle is the one that always comes back around. I have been working in some shape or form since I was 11 years old. From babysitting to little league concessions stands to movie theaters to employment offices to medical offices to restaurants and service organizations. I’m not scared of hard work, but it always seems like there is never enough water in the bucket. I was making my budget for the next few months like I always do and I need new tires before I go back down to Mobile next month. I’ll probably need to get my tag renewed before I go and the list just kept pilling on. I’d love to get my ac fixed before I make that drive and maybe my windshield wiper pump thing fixed too. I’m doing fine, I make the budgets for myself so I don’t have to stress and so I can eliminate some of the unnecessary drama. Sometimes, no matter how good I’ve got it, there’s always something around the corner wanting more from me. Ohhhhhh Lord. You had an answer. Play track 5: One Thing. And let the Heavens saaang: I can see so clearly now. If I’ve got nothing but You, I’ll still have everything I need. Lord, money don’t grow on trees, but money is not all I need. There’s always more money to make, but that is not what defines me or sustains me. You are all I need, everything else is just excess.

So here is my prayer. Lord I pray all of the want and all the plans, I’ve been chasing. All of the dreams in my heart, You can take them. I pray that I lay everything down at your feet. Lord, the one thing I need is you. I’m sorry I forget that sometimes. I’m sorry I listen to the lies sometimes. Lord, you do more than fill my cup, you overflow it. I pray that I give and give and give. I pray that you keep correcting my attitude when I get tired of giving, because Lord, you never get tired of giving to me and you give me so much more than I deserve. I pray that I give with a glad heart. Thank you for answering my prayers. Thank you for listening to my heart. Thank you for setting my heart in motion. Thank you for giving your love to me. I pray that I live in the overflow. Thank you for the reminder that you are all I need. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You calm the storm when I hear You call my name.

A few weeks ago, I read Sara Evans’ and Rachel Hauck’s Songbird Novel series and it’s about all the relationships in this woman’s life. Between her parents and in-laws and husband, everyone around her. It’s not just another love story, it’s about life and forgiveness and loss and moving forward through the rough patches. The woman in the book is getting married and doesn’t know whether to invite her mom or not. The mom was talking to her friend about it and said there was too much water under the bridge. And this friend with all her wisdom says: “Come to my house tonight. I’ll loan you my canoe.” I burst into tears right there. No matter what water is under all the bridges life has to offer, I’m so glad for the friendships I have and the knowledge that they always have a canoe for me to borrow. They always keep me afloat.

When the people I love are going through a hard time. When they can’t find the light in the tunnel. When all they need is time. When they need peace. When they need what I can’t give. When they have to pull themselves out of the deep places. When they’re drowning and need a canoe. All I can do is encourage and and be there for them. I had to learn the hard way that as much as I would love to do it for them, I cannot live for them. They have to make the decision to pull themselves out. All I can do is offer my canoe. David Ring said: “It’s one thing to show people love. It’s another thing to stick around for the pain.” I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.

Lord, I am not You. I cannot save people. I cannot give them peace. I cannot heal the pain. I cannot do what You do. But I can be Your hands. I can loan them my canoe. Beth Moore said: “God is not afraid of your questions, girlfriend. He wants to stir them up-to send you searching for answers.” I can pray for them and share with them where I find answers, my canoe. Part of Church of the Highlands’ 21 Days of Prayer is the Warfare Prayer and they talked about how in prayer, we can identify the lies so we can quiet those lies and amplify the truth. At the end of the sermon, the pastor said to ask You to: “give us assignments.” Prayer is a two-way conversation. Even when we hear silence, You are working. You are not done with us yet. There’s a quote I found that says: “Having a rough morning? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason.” Lord, sometimes when we feel lost and unloved, the best thing to do is give love. Sam on Touched by an Angel said: “If you can’t find the love, let God love through you.” 

There is purpose for the pain. At Winter Jam, on Friday, we took the youth group and Tenth Avenue North was telling a story about their song: I Have This Hope. They were talking about why we call it Good Friday and how it’s because of what happened on Sunday. That dropped truth way down into the deepest parts of my soul and of my heart. Lord, sometimes we have to go through what we do not understand because we see the world with a limited view point. We see the world around us, but You see the whole world and everything around it. You hold the whole world in Your hands. You hold me in Your hands. You hold them and us and sinners and everyone in Your hands. You call us by name. You created every part of us for a purpose. You never left us.

So, this is my prayer. Thank you for sending your son. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for hope. Thank you for purpose. Thank you for being there in the flood and fire. Thank you for walking with me. Thank you for calling me by name. Thank you for changing my heart. Thank you for lighting the dark. Thank you for canoes. Thank you for your unending love. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving through me. Thank you for letting me love others. Thank you for showing me how to stay through the pain. Thank you for questions and answers and two-way communication. Thank you for assignments. Lord, I pray that I keep going, keep moving forward. I pray that I chase after you and loan my canoe to those I love so they can chase you too. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.