You can be the hope my soul’s been seekin’.

I was working on this project for my communication class. We’re creating a web project portfolio. For the proposal, we were supposed to give some background information and explain what we wanted to do with our project. I wanted to use this blog for a page of the portfolio, which got me thinking about how I started it. I heard Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North. Every word of that song felt like it was meant for me to hear. I literally went to my computer, pulled up wordpress and the words just flew out of me. It was like they were just waiting on me to finally get the clue. I replayed the song like thirty more times, while I wrote and prayed. In We Bought A Zoo, the dad tells his son: “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” For the kid in the movie, the advice meant to tell the girl he liked that he liked her. For me, it was the courage to pray.

I lost a lot last year. I was hurt. I know the loved ones I lost weren’t perfect, but when they left, there was a hole in my heart. I heard that song and simply started writing. I don’t know what came over me. Well, that’s not true. It was You. It was Your grace. It was Your love. I found a positive way to heal. For me, praying was were my healing began. This is my journey. This is my story.

“It is in Christ we find who we are and what we are living for.” Ephesians 1:11 says: Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.

Philippians 1:6 says: “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” In Acts 18:9, You spoke to Paul and said: “Do not be afraid any longer, but go on speaking and do not be silent.” And in Ephesians 5:8 You said: “For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.”

So, that is my prayer today. Thank you for making me a work in progress. Thank you for breaking my walls down. Thank you for constantly working on my heart. Thank you for reminding me to work too. Thank you for giving me the courage to not stay silent anymore. Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for pulling me out of the darkness so many times. Thank you for writing my story. I pray that you keep writing it. I pray that I continue to see your work in me. I pray that I turn my blank pages into your works of art. I pray that everything I do points to you. I pray that my pages show your love and mercy and forgiveness and healing and grace. Thank you for your grace and healing. Thank you for your love.  And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You give me hope.

I am 23 years old. I have naturally brown hair, but this year I have dyed it red, blonde, and burgundy. I’m from Leeds, Alabama and attend the University of South Alabama. This year I have changed a lot. I was the president of the Theta Epsilon chapter of Alpha Gamma Delta. My presidency ended in December and to be honest, now I have way too much free time on my hands. I’m used to being a busy bee running around doing everything. There’s this story in Luke 10, I was told as a kid about Mary and Martha. When Jesus came to visit them, Mary sat and listened and took everything in. While, Martha cooked and cleaned and made sure everything was perfect. I am definitely a Martha kind of girl. I am working on it though. I cry at happy things like Hallmark commercials. I’m kinda awkward at times and kinda fabulous at others. My life is practically a musical because I break into song all the time. (The only problem is, I am a terribleeee singer.)

For my CA 260 class, we were asked to write in a blog. We could use our personal ones or start a new one. Honestly it’s a little scary for me to share my personal one. A lot of things scare me though and the reason I started this blog was to get out of my comfort zone and grow closer with You, Lord. This blog has become my prayer journal and a record of my walk with You. It started when I heard the song, Healing Begins. I wanted to find growth. I wanted to learn something.

I think that blogs are for expressing yourself and growing and learning. I think they make us look at things a little differently and from a different perspective. I think we read blogs because we found something we connect with, someone who shares our perspective and thought process, but also teaches us something new. I’ve started reading a couple blogs about growing in your faith. I’ve also read a few about college and sorority life. My Alpha Gam sister just started one too so, obviously I’m reading that. I believe blogs can be used in Public Relations as a branding tool. I think as a Public Relations professional you create brands. I think brands should follow the organizations core values and mission. I think everything should relate and work together. I think it is our job to share that message and brand with the public. I think it is our job as Public Relations professionals to use those tools and brands to make a better community.

So, here is my prayer today. I pray that I learn to use the tools I am being given to better my future. I pray that I keep growing. I pray that I keep getting closer to you, Lord. I pray for my class and this semester. I pray we work hard and our hard work is rewarded. I pray we learn a lot. I pray we learn from each other and from our textbooks. Thank you for everything I’ve already learned this year. I pray I keep learning. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This is where the healing begins!

Today, when it started raining at work my first thought was: “Oh great! I’m gonna get soaked when I leave!” But then I remembered a conversation I had with Christopher. We used to talk about our childhood all the time. I told him that my mama used to tell me that storms were when God threw a party because he was so happy someone came to Heaven. When he was a kid he was taught the same thing. We had a lot in common that way. I guess that’s why it was raining the morning Christopher left us. The rain was strangely comforting like I knew God had him and he was happy his son came home. I couldn’t really comprehend much that day other than the disbelief and confusion. In the coming months I got depressed and angry and went through so many emotions that I literally made myself sick for a long time. I still have days where I can’t get out of bed because the weight of the world seems like it is going to crush me and I feel claustrophobic.

Today, when it started raining my first thought was negative. But my second thought was a memory of Christopher and remembrance that every storm has it’s purpose and brings hope of finding a rainbow. Right after I started crying “Healing Begins” by Tenth Avenue North came on my Mercy Me Pandora station. I felt my thoughts start to change right then. I immediately started talking to people nicer and feeling like me again, if only for a minute. I still don’t understand why he was taken from us and I probably won’t ever understand. All I know is that God needed him and had other plans for him. I am a planner, always have been. I was making schedules and plans and organizing things since I could talk. Which is why I am a public relations major, I was born to be in communications. I have been using those abilities and perfecting them since childhood and I didn’t even know it so the fact that I can use those talents to go out in the world and try to make a difference is really exciting. But it also is something that hurts me when things don’t go according to my plan. Christopher’s leaving was definitely not in my plan. God has bigger plans than I do though.

So, that is my prayer for today. I pray that I learn to accept that God has bigger plans than I do. I pray that I let “Healing Begins” be the theme song for my life, at least for a little while. I pray that I speak softer to people and find myself again. I pray that my negative thoughts are changed into positive ones. I pray for the others that were connected to Christopher. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.