Whoa, Hallelujah, Whoa-ho, I am free.

I found these Benham Brothers “Whatever the Cost” sermon notes from GoTell Camp from 2017 in my prayer journal.

I was saved at 7 years old in the 2nd grade. I was singing in the balcony of the church. I had this feeling in every single ounce of me that I wanted to live my life for You, God. I knew what You had done for me. I had no idea at the time how much more You were actually doing and going to do in my life. Especially in the world outside my little 7 year old imagination. I ran back to my mama and with all the excitement I could muster and told her I wanted to be baptized. Nothing can change the fact that I was saved that day. My name was written in the book.

Satan cannot get me unsaved, but boy howdy can he get me thinking unsaved. That little nugget of wisdom was shared that week and let me tell you, Lord: You tapped right on my heart asking: “Are you listening my child?”

Another big ole heap of wisdom dropped in my lap was when we’re saved, we enter the fight between good and evil.

Lord, I prayed that I was tired of fighting victory. I prayed to fight from a place of victory. You already won the war. I prayed to fight with the presence of Your Truth. I prayed to delve into Your word more and more and more. “Through Your word, our faith turns to faithfulness.” I prayed I was tired of being a candle. Somebody comes along with a few negative words, my light goes out. When the winds of change come rolling in, my light blows out. I prayed to be a piece of coal in the fire pit. I prayed to know Your word so well that the Devil only fans the flames. I prayed for the light to be a burning ember in my soul. I prayed to burn from the inside out for You, Father. I prayed to win privately so I could win publicly for You and You alone. The same way we’re saved by inviting You into our hearts, privately, then we get baptized, publicly, to show we’ve been changed and set apart. I prayed to live like I’m saved.

Lost people are doing exactly what lost people do, acting lost. “It’s not the presence of darkness that is the issue, but an absence of light.” The Benham Brothers explained that we are chocolate chips in cookie dough. We mix in but do not change form. Even when baked, the chocolate chips are still distinct.

So, here is my prayer today. Lord, Father Almighty, draw me in close to you. Sink your word deep into my soul. Let your truth flow out of every pore of me. Lord, there are going to be days I feel like all I am doing is putting out fires. There are going to be days when I feel burnt-out. Those are guarantees. But my God, Isaiah 43:2 says When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. And if I skip back a verse it says: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine! Thank you, Lord for all of it. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You don’t need me at all but You couldn’t love me more.

I went to GoTell, this past week. I got my batteries recharged. I have been struggling lately with setting up the appropriate boundaries. I have heard like a hundred times what Tim Hawkins, Kristina Kuzmic, and so many more have said: “I don’t want to be your friend, I have friends, I am your parent.” I believe it 100%. I am not a parent, but I work with kids and youth. It’s hard for me understand where the lines end and begin of parenting and teaching. Though I mean to, sometimes, I do not set up strict enough boundaries. It’s not because I want them to like me. I learned that as President in my sorority, that I do not need everyone to like me. What I struggle with, is learning where my service to others ends and where everything else begins.

I have never had a problem setting up boundaries with boys. I never dated much, but every time I did, it just showed me more and more to give my heart to You, Lord, because You will put it in the right hands. Every time I tried to take my heart back and give it away myself, I put it in the wrong hands. Ever single time. But that’s a topic for another day.

At GoTell, the Benham Brothers spoke. They had this whole spiel, which was fab. But one line stuck out the most for me. “Boundaries bring blessings. Removing them bring burdens.” Ohhhhh Lord have mercy. Your timing. Just as boundaries was a topic at the forefront of my mind. Now they were addressing them back to the boy thing, but I heard You, Lord.

Then You hit the nail on the head, the last day. Brother Algernon Tennyson talked about how love is a sacrifice. It’s service. Sometimes we have to be tough enough to soften hard hearts. Boy howdy. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. I have always believed that love is service, but what I still need to learn is that sometimes, I have to be tough. I needed someone to point out that service is love and the tough stuff. I am not scared of the tough stuff, I just need to learn to be tougher. I am so concerned with learning to be in service that I forget sometimes that service sometimes requires me to be tough, because otherwise I am doing a dis-service. He was almost in tears preaching about how if someone wants to get to his kids, they are gonna have to go through him. I mean he was dancing and getting pumped up and like completely a dad. I started crying too because if he gets so emotionally invested in his kids, then I am in complete awe of You, my Heavenly Father, because how much You must love us.

So, here is my prayer today. Father, teach me to set up the appropriate boundaries. Lord, I want to share your love. I want to do your work. I want to work for the kingdom. I want to be your hands and feet. I pray you mold me, change me, move me. Lord, whatever the cost, whatever your will. Lord, I pray you guide me. I pray you surround me. I pray you interrupt my comfort zone. I pray you interrupt my life. I pray that I am like the friends of the paralytic we learned about in Bible study. Lord, heal and help those around me because of my faith. I pray that my faith grows and that I go deeper in my walk with you. Lord, I am a mess. I am not qualified to work for you. I got issues. I am so thankful that is not where my story ends. You are the Almighty, you don’t need me, but you want me. Lord, I am in awe of you. Thank you so much for allowing me to serve you. While my love is not perfect and needs work often, Lord, your love is never failing. Thank you for that. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.