For us forever just isn’t that far.

Ok. Diving right into Day 2 of this 30-Day Challenge for Single Christian Women which is the most important things to me in a future husband. I’m just gonna be real honest. This list is hard. I have a million things I could want in him, but all I need is him to love You and the rest can be worked out. I like simple and I have learned in my short 25 years that I can adapt to just about everything with help from You, Lord. Whatever is given to me, I can bring to You, because You are the one that sent it in the first place. In the spirit of the challenge, I’m gonna try to dig a little more into that.

  1. Communication
  2. Give and Take
  3. Intentional

Communication. My friend sent me this picture today that says: “Imagine a man that talks to God about you.” Lord, have mercy. That got me in the feels. I think that is a brilliant place to start. I have been praying for this man as long as I can remember, so I hope that he is praying for me too. Anthem Lights has a song that personified this feeling for me and made me realize I could hope for more than I ever dreamed possible.

“Every day you’re prayed for
And I’m dreaming of you every night
Where ever you are right now
You’re already the love of my life”

Give and Take. I watched this Hallmark movie called: All Things Valentine. One of the characters asked: “how do you know when someone is the one?” The response was: “when they meet you halfway.” When I’m volunteering at Church or Alpha Gam or one of the 1500 fun runs I like, I want him to bring me chicken salad for lunch because he knows it’s my favorite and I probs didn’t stop to eat all day. I want him to take out the trash because he knows I hate it. I want him to offer to dry the dishes when I’m washing them. I want to be home for him. I want to give him more than I’ve ever given anyone. I want to hand him tools when he is fixing the car or something around the house so he never has to reach for them alone again. I want to make him breakfast in the mornings and pack lunches for him with post-it notes to remind him just how loved he is. I want him to come home to a clean house. I know these things may not happen every day, but I want to meet him halfway.

Intentional. Ever since I watched Old Fashioned. I have been obsessed with that word. I went to see the movie with a friend of mine and when it was over she said that stuff doesn’t happen in real life. I told her then that I wanted her to be wrong. I don’t need a mansion filled with all the pretty things life has to offer. My love language is words, I need him to tell me I am loved, and often. I just want kind words that lead to kind actions. I want intentional kindness and love. I want someone who cares about my heart and knows how precious I’ve been guarding it and protecting it. I put my heart in Your hands, Lord. I don’t wanna just give it away.

Ok, so, maybe this list was easier to put together than I thought for and maybe I do have high standards. People might think that I have my head in the clouds and no one can live up to the idea in my head. I am not a child anymore. I do not have unrealistic expectations. It is not unrealistic to pray he communicates with You, Lord. It is not unrealistic to pray that we both learn to give and take and learn to compromise. It is not unrealistic to pray that he is intentional with my heart. I want the kind of love, I’ve read about in books my whole life. I want like Denise Hunter writes, I want to fit together like puzzle pieces. Like we were created by You just to fit one another. I don’t want perfection, but I do believe this kind of love exists. I’ve been a bridesmaid in the weddings that proved this kind of love is real. The reason I believe their relationship is different and they will last is because they invited You into their relationships.

So, this is my prayer. I pray that he communicates with you. I pray that we learn to give and take. I pray that he is intentional with me. I pray for all these things. I pray that he pursues me in your timing and in your way and in your design. Thank you for being the author of my story. Thank you for protecting my heart. I pray that I am a Proverbs 31 woman waiting for an Ephesians 5 man with a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. I pray that he loves me like you do and I pray I love him like you do. I pray that we spend our whole lives worshiping you together. I pray that your love shines through us. I pray that you are the foundation of our relationship and we grow closer to you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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I’m gonna shout Your name till the walls come falling down.

In The Goodbye Bride by Denise Hunter, she talked about being the kind of woman who is “wearing out the knees in her jeans.” I wanna be that kind of woman. I wanna tackle everything that comes my way in faith. I wanna bring everything to You. I wanna handle every single moment in prayer, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and every second in-between. In the 21 Days of Prayer, we learned to make our prayers 1. united 2. scriptural 3. bold, zealous, and fervent. We were also taught to “pray from a position of victory” and “pray from a position of power.” I wanna do more than just take notes on Sunday. I wanna apply those notes to my life. I struggled in school with that. I was real good at learning what I needed to know, but when asked to apply those concepts, I was at a loss for words. I learned how to study and apply concepts in college. Now, I wanna do it to my prayer life.

I heard that: “prayer is the most conversation of the day. Take it to God before you take it to anyone else.” This past Sunday, the devotion we started the morning off with was on prayer. I love when things connect like that. Like how I was praying about Abraham and Sarah and Genesis 16 then that’s we’re gonna discuss next week in Bible study and it is the next story we are gonna focus on in the children’s class. Lord, You have a divine design and You craft every single moment to line up to teach us and for Your master plan. You’re playing Connect Four with our hearts.

Lord, I’ve put walls up somewhere along the way. I thought it was to protect and guard my heart, but really I was just keeping others out. There is a picture on Pinterest that says: “he broke down her walls without her even noticing and when he rebuilt the walls he added windows to let the sunshine in.” I wanna let Your light in, Lord.

So here is my prayer today. I wanna pray the prayer I found in my notes: “God, help me to focus on truth instead of the trial. Help me to give thanks instead of giving into fear. Help me to choose joy instead of anger. Help me to trust in your power instead of my plan. Help me elevate your name instead of my own.” Lord, I pray that I choose you. I pray that I keep choosing you. I pray that you take down my walls and put windows in. I pray that I am open and transparent so others can see you in me. I pray others to see your work in me. I pray others to see your love in me. I pray they see your name written all over my life. I wanna praise you. I wanna worship you. I want to pray from a position of victory and confidence and scripture and boldness and from a place of your power. I pray that the knees are worn out on my jeans because of a lifetime spent in prayer. I pray I pick up my cross and follow you. I pray that I take up residence in a place of healing and freedom and your love. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You are the well that never runs dry.

A sweet preacher in Mobile teaches that You love us too much to leave us the way we are. Ever since I heard those words, it has become more and more evident in my life. Last Sunday afternoon, the message was on the Holy Spirit and how we were born with a hole in us and a need for Jesus. I’ve heard before that we have a Jesus sized hole and we try to fill it with everything else and it never fits right. I’ve experienced it too. I know the pain of trying to make myself whole on my own. I can’t do it and no one can do it for me. The only one that can make me whole is You, Lord. I’ve been thinking about the message and rereading my notes all week.

In college, I saw a lot of thriving, but also settling, for relationships, for majors, for jobs. I saw people go out every single week and come back feeling worse than they left. I saw people hold onto any semblance of a relationship, no matter how toxic or wrong for each other they were. I saw people struggling so hard in classes and careers they didn’t even want. I saw people lose or give up on majors and careers they spent their whole lives wanting. I saw a lot of hurt and pain. Taylor Swift’s song Bad Blood was supposed to be about stickin it to the mean girl or whatever. And I jam out pretty hard, every single time it comes on. But when I really sit down and listen to the lyrics, I realize how truly, deeply sad it is. I saw a lot of bad blood in college, and even had some myself. My relationship with You allows me to be set apart from some of that heartache because I deal with it by taking it You, learning from it, and letting it go without it consuming me. I learned in college, that not everyone has that relationship with You and some of them are truly, madly lost and searching for things to fill their God shaped hole and coming up empty. I learned in college that “Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes.”

In the sermon, the pastor told us we have a spiritual hunger that has a voice like a growl and the more we feast on You, the more hungry we become, the more we crave it. He said we can’t stay the way we are, that only You can satisfy us. I just read The Goodbye Bride by Denise Hunter, in literally two days. I mean, from the first page, I was almost in tears and completely captivated. I couldn’t put the book down. The story came down to a couple who didn’t handle things by taking them to You, they tried to handle them on their own. Both fled. Both left. They lived Toby Mac’s lyrics: “I’d be packin’ my bags when I need to stay.” When they found each other again, they learned to take things to You in the process.

When we are kids, we are taught that voice in our head, showing us right from wrong, is our conscience. It is our own little Jiminy Cricket living in our head. I think it’s more than that though. The closer we move to You, the more clearly You speak to us. I believe that You use signs, signals, people, doors, windows, walls, roadblocks, whatever You need to speak to our hearts. Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes we have to slow down and be still so we can listen. In The Goodbye Bride, Denise wrote: Help me, God. Something pulled inside. Something she’d never felt before. A hard tug in her spirit, telling her to stay.” That girl had never known anything but running. Running is all she had ever been taught or knew how to do. Later she wrote: “But there was a God who loved her enough to give her courage in the face of her fear. I will never leave you nor forsake you.

So, this is my prayer today. Lord, I was so deep, so incomplete til’ you rescued me. I pray that you are mine and I am Yours. Thank you for rescuing me. I pray that I am yours forever. Thank you for saving me, remaking me. Thank you for changing me. Thank you for loving me too much to leave me as I am. Thank you for healing my heart. Thank you for being the well that never runs dry. Thank you for allowing me to come to you. Thank you for opening your arms for me. Thank you for leading me to you. Thank you for calling me home when I go astray. Thank you for sending people and signs to bring me back to you. Thank you for being deep enough for every soul. Thank you for speaking directly to me and to my life and to my heart. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me. Thank you for showing me love despite my fear. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.