Your love has captured me.

I watched this interview of Priscilla Shirer for the movie War Room. (Which, btdubbs was like sooo good. Like I cried all the way through and I felt like I was in church with the way people were saying Amen and clapping along. I will be getting it on DVD the day it comes out and I will be sitting down with a pen and pad to take notes!) In the interview, she was asked if she would ever act again after War Room. Her response floored me. She said: “If there was a project that came along that gave me an opportunity to still ride in line with the purpose that I know has been set before me for my life, I would be open to it.” Wow. Now can I please apply that to my graduation job search please? It brought me back to my youth group days, jamming out to this song:

So, that is my prayer today. Lord, I pray that you will show me the path. I pray that you will send a project along. I pray that you will open a door. I pray that you will guide me. I pray that you will lead me. I pray that I go in line with the purpose you set for my life. I pray that I am open to the opportunity when it arises. I pray that give it all to you. I pray that everything I do, I do it for you. I pray that every step I take, I take in you. I pray that I honor you. I pray that I live for you. I pray that every move I make, I make in you. You are my way, Jesus. Lord, I pray that follow you. I pray that I shift my focus to you. I pray that I put you first. Thank you for your love. Thank you for showing me your grace and mercy and love. Thank you for everything you’ve given me. Lord, you amaze me. You astound me. You literally take my breathe away with how incredible your timing is. Thank you for having a plan for my life. Thank you for this journey. Thank you for the ups and downs and all you’re teaching me. I pray that I move where you want me. I pray that I go where you need me. I pray that I learn all that you need me to. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

He is jealous for me.

I saw the new gospel version of Nick Jonas’ song “Jealous.” (I do love some Nick Jonas!) I love gospel music! It always sounds so heavenly. Like gospel singers are singing right to you. Like they know something we don’t. If I could sing like that I don’t think I would stop singing. (I am a terrible singer, but that sure doesn’t stop me from singing anyways.)

It got me thinking about what being jealous meant.  So, I googled the definition and this is what is said:

1 feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.
synonyms: envious, covetous, desirous

2 feeling or showing suspicion of someone’s unfaithfulness in a relationship.
synonyms: suspicious, distrustful, mistrustful, doubting, insecure, anxious

3 fiercely protective or vigilant of one’s rights or possessions.
synonyms: protective, vigilant, watchful, heedful, mindful, careful, solicitous

Nick Jonas was clearly singing about the second definition and being jealous in a relationship when he sang the song originally. The gospel version made me think of the song in a different way. I started to rethink what jealous meant. I started thinking about the other two kinds of jealously.

I definitely have moments where I am the first kind of jealously. I look around and see the people in different stages in their lives. I know the grass isn’t always greener. I know that things aren’t always what they seem. I can rationalize the jealously away. I can accept where I am at in life. I can even be happy where I am, but I still get jealous. I get jealous of their accomplishments, their relationships, and mostly their homes. Lately, I’ve been jealous of their relationship with You. That is something I can work on. I have control over that. I want more of You. I want to worship You more. I want to see You more. I want to lift You up more.

I think You are the third kind of jealous. I think You want more of us. I think You want to be closer to us. You love us so much. You created us with a passion and love. You created us with a purpose and for a reason and all You want is more of us.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray for more of you. I pray that I learn to walk with you more. I pray that I talk to you more. I pray that I worship you more. I pray I bring honor and glory to you. I pray that I only get closer to you. I pray that I still get  jealous of you. I pray that I continuously seek more of you. I pray that you still get jealous of me. I pray that you still want more of me. I pray that you still want me of me. I pray that we seek more of each other. I pray that I continue to be in awe of you. I pray I continue to see just how beautiful you are. I pray that I continue to be humbled by your love for me and for everyone you created. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I am a fighter.

Why do people feel the need to underestimate me when they don’t even know me? Like they don’t know anything about me but they tell me I’m not good enough. I am so exhausted and tired of people making judgments about what kind of person I am. Everyone has their own path to go down and their own story to tell. I have a resume a mile long with why I am fully capable of making my dreams come true. I am strong enough and work hard enough to get where I want to go. I don’t need anyone else’s approval to live my life. I just need you, God. You made me. You don’t do anything without reason. There is a purpose for every hair on my head. There is a purpose for my every strength, my every flaw, my every word and thought. You made me just the way you wanted. You made me with intentional purpose.

“So I wanna say thank you
‘Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter”

Every time this happens I start to think maybe they are right and I doubt myself, if only for a minute because I know with you, Lord, I can do anything. You lift me up every time they knock me down. I have always been told that if you want to see change in the world, you have to go out and be the change. I am trying so hard so make a change and to bring glory to you but sometimes it feels like I will never be good enough. I heard this story one time that taught me that maybe I am just a seed planter; that I am not the one who gets to see the flower bloom but my job is important. Maybe it’s not about me. Maybe I am just a seed planter and you have a much bigger plan than I can even imagine.

“Every move I make
Every move I make, I make in You
You make me move Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You
Every step I take, I take in You
You find my way Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You”

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I keep my eyes focused on you. I pray that I remember that I am your child no matter what anyone else says. I pray “every move I make in you.” I pray that you keep a hand on my life and lead me where you want. I pray I remember that I am a work in progress and that you are molding me. I pray that you keep working on me. I pray for strength and endurance. I pray that you keep “making me a fighter.” I pray that you keep reminding me that your plan is bigger. I pray that you use me. I pray that you keep me grounded. Thank you for making me who I am. I appreciate all you gave to me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You never let go.

This time last year, Christopher and I were calling each other everyday. We were making plans. At the time, we felt invincible, like we could do anything. We sat up for hours just talking about our pasts and our futures. I had no idea how much everything was going to change in just a year. Now I am starting the new semester without him.

The past year broke me, but you were with me through everything. You were with me for way too many funerals. You were there when I lost a friend that helped me change my major and she helped impact my life without even knowing it. You were there a month later when I lost one of the best people I’ve ever known. Two months later you were with me again at my Grandma’s funeral. My family always picked on me that I was Grandma’s favorite and I didn’t realize how much that would mean to me now. You were with me when I was burnt out and felt completely defeated and worthless. You were with me when I let opportunities go and friends move on without me. You were there when I had to fight to make it through the day.  I faced more than I thought possible. Every time I thought I couldn’t move forward I was reminded that “you never let go.”

“When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go”

I also realized you were there for all the good times. You were there when I got new amazing jobs with wonderful people. You were there when I was elected President. You were there when my brother graduated. You were there when my best friend got engaged and my other best friend celebrated her first wedding anniversary. You were with me when I had my highest semester gpa since starting college. You were there when I got my first apartment this summer. You were there when so many little things happened. You were there through the laughter. You were there through the joy.

So, my prayer today, is to thank you for never letting go. You were with me through the good and the bad. I have lost so much this year. I have also gained a lot. I have learned more than I thought possible. My eyes were opened this year. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for saving me. I pray that I keep leaning on you and trusting you. I pray that I use the David Crowder Band’s song to guide me and remind me that you are always here. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.