Lord, don’t give up on me.

Ok, so here is what I know at this very moment. We are completely moved out the rental house. There is still construction going on in my home from 8am-5pm every day but Sunday. The first real walk-in closet I’ve ever had has been built, I’m just waiting on rods for the shelves. All the furniture, clothes, and belonging get delivered starting Tuesday. I am extremely excited. I am also extremely hot because the insulation in the attic had to be moved for the electrician so the air conditioner is working hard for nothing. The electrician can’t finish the electrical until the cabinets are installed. Long story short, I am gonna be hot for about three weeks or so I’ve been told. I learned that I get mean when I’m hot…

Which I suppose is exactly why the AC is out in my car and has been for going on three summers. Which I suppose is exactly why the AC ordered for my bedroom got back ordered, twice. The youth I work with run around the house saying: “God don’t like ugly.” Well, Lord, I guess You don’t. Obviously, I still need to learn how to be nice when I’m hot and sweaty. Obviously, it is a lesson meant to be learned the hard way.

It feels like the devil is digging a circle around me, trying to knock me down, but I’m standing on The Rock so he can’t. He’s just digging deeper and deeper, digging until he’s completely under The Rock, until the ground underneath crumbles. But I’m ready for it this time so I’m holding on and not caught off guard. Then The Rock hits solid ground and I’m still standing firm on The Rock. So, the devil just has to start all over digging holes. I think the devil has just always been digging holes, but I wasn’t so ready before because I was holding onto other things while I was standing on The Rock. I had to learn to drop everything else piece by piece in order to keep my balance and hold onto The Rock.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Who is the crazy one now? I am changing what I was doing. I am altering my environment. Just because I am in the same place, does not mean I am the same person. The only thing with power over me is You, Father. You are The Rock. You are my firm foundation. You are my resting place, my safe place. You are where my strength comes from when the whole world crumbles around me.

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that continuing forward, I stay cool, calm, and collected as temperatures rise. I pray that I am yours. I pray that I am kind. I pray that I am compassionate. I pray that I am patient. I pray that I am loving. I pray that I am giving. I pray that I really start livin. I pray that I continue learning to trust you. I pray that I keep my eyes focused on you. I pray that I keep my battle armor ready. I pray that I look to you and not the dirt around me. I pray that even when the dirt surrounds me, I pray I ain’t getting my boots dusty. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Carols comin’ through the radio.

Ok, let’s go ahead and address it. I am still listening to Christmas music. Yes, I am. I even ordered more music after Christmas. Jennifer Nettles has been on repeat for a while now and it’s Chris Young’s turn. I decided I was taking those tidings of comfort and joy into the new year with me and I haven’t let them go.

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, let’s recap the last few days on the 30-Day Challenge for Single Christian Women. Day 4 was taking a selfie-done. Day 5 was joining a bible study-done. Day 6 was dreaming big. This is where I get into trouble. My 10-year plan consisted of:

  1. Graduating college in May 2015-nope.
  2. Getting married on August 20, 2016-nope.
  3. Starting a family two years later-well there’s still time, but it’s not looking likely.
  4. Running a community service organization (preferably for the military, foster kids, or adoptions.)-keeping my fingers crossed on this one!

This is where Day 7 comes into play, which is writing a letter to You, Lord about my hurts, what I’ve learned, and what I like about being single. What I’ve learned is easy: to trust You when my plan fails. What I like is growing in my walk with You and growing as a person. The hurts, I thought was going to be hard to name, because through this challenge, I have felt so blessed. I could handle the never been kissed jokes in middle school, the virgin ones in high school, and the cat/dog lady jokes in college. I am still all of those things, and I can handle the jokes. I can handle my plan not working out or not meeting my timelines. What I can’t handle is the lonely feeling. I moved out of my family home for six years. I have lived alone and with roommates. Now, I’m back with my family and as much as I would loveeeeee my own space, my own kitchen, my own bathroom, a walk-in closet, and maybe some built-in bookcases one day in a house of my own. I cannot live alone again.

I was listening to Chris Young sing Under the Weather tonight and realized that’s what I want. I want someone to bear the weather with. When it’s cold out, I want us to cuddle under blankets watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate. When it’s hot out, I want to roll the windows down and sing country music with him all the way to the lake. When it’s raining, I want him to remind me of Your promises. I want him to teach the kids the same thing my mama taught me about the rain. That it rains when somebody goes to Heaven, and storms are You throwing a party because one more came home. There is a reason for every season. I just want someone to go through the storms and sunshine with.

Day 8 was making time for family. With the “Alabama snow storm” keeping my entire family home all weekend, there was plenty of time for that. All we had was ice, but it was totally worth the six hour game of monopoly we played. I won, of course. Dad made lots of soup too. Day 9 was trying something new. I’m still working on that one, but Day 10 is girl’s night out. My sister, Mom, and I are all going to get dinner and a movie. We’re all pretty excited!

So, here is my prayer. I pray that I remember my life verse from Day 1. I pray that whether I’m standing alone in the rain, I’m driving on ice, or I’m sitting in the sunshine that I think of your unfailing love and rejoice in your salvation. Lord, I pray that I never forget how blessed I am. This challenge has helped me count all my blessings and they are in abundance. And Lord, I have learned how to be content in any situation and any circumstance, no matter how badly my plans fail. Lord, what I’m asking for now is to thrive. I want to do more than just survive. I pray that I find a love so deep that it’s clear to everyone that you were in control. I pray that I succeed and work hard in all I do so that your name is shining bright for all to see. I pray that every breath I take I breathe in and out in your name. I pray that no matter the weather, I praise you. I pray that your love keeps surrounding me. I pray that I sink into your unfailing love. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.