And I’m not holding onto You, but You’re holding onto me.

Usually when my world starts spinning in the opposite direction I want it to, then I come to You asking why this and why that. I learned a few years ago, that why is the wrong question. The right question is what am I going to do with what I left?

I know in my heart that’s what I should be asking. I know in my heart exactly what I should be doing. I know exactly where to go from here. I’ve been to rock bottom before. I’ve had my world taken away. I’ve been lost and confused.

When I feel like I’m losing control, I used to do something I could control. I would dye my hair, chop it all off, rearrange my bedroom. And when I’m really, desperately losing it in the moment, I clean, like deep clean, hands and knees on the floor scrubbing.

I learned that I was never in control though, You are. You had me then. You have me now. And You will still have me next time my world falls apart.

I’ve known rock bottom, but this is deeper. This is messy and wayyyy down deep underground. I’m gonna have dirt under my nails from climbing out of this for a while. I am not going to come out on the other side unchanged. But I will climb out. Because I have an Almighty Father that loves me too much to leave me in this hole I built. Thank you Abba. Thank you Daddy. Thank you Father. Thank you PaPa.

Thank you for providing lighthouses in the storm to guide my way home.

So here is my prayer. Thank you for this. Thank you for this. Thank you for this. This was not my plan, but my God, your plans are greater than my own and I will trust you! You have eternity in mind. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for never leaving me to face the storm alone. I love you Father and I am relying solely on you. Thank you for holding me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I don’t care if they remember me, only You.

I have always been the kind of girl that takes her time. When school projects took most kids a couple days, I spent a couple weeks. When college took most people 4 years. I took 6 to graduate. When most people I know are getting married or engaged, I have barely even dated. I was taught that if you wanted something done right, take your time because if you don’t have time to do it right, then you must have time to do it again. I’ve spent so long making sure that I know what I want and becoming the kind of woman I want to be that I turned around and I already was that woman. I am exactly who You need, for exactly what You called me to.

Having extra time to prepare was crucial for me because I needed to learn a lot. I have big plans and I am always very determined. Once I make my mind up, I go for it. I am fearless in that aspect.

I can see exactly where You held me and where You opened and closed just the right doors to lead me exactly here.

I want to teach others about You. I want to show them Your love. I want them to see the way You wrote their stories. I only have one life to live and I want to live it for You. I want to anticipate the need. I want to be there, ready and willing for whatever You ask of me. I am done stalling and hiding and bargaining and whatever other lame attempt to ignore the calling on my life. I am ready to get serious, to make dreams become reality.

I just want You, God, only You.

So, here is my prayer today. I pray that I point to you with every second of my life and every fiber of my being. I pray that I serve. I pray that I love. I pray that I give. I pray that learn. I pray that I teach. I pray that I share. I pray that I listen. I pray that I speak your name and yours alone. I pray they remember you. I pray I remember you. I pray I move when you say move. I pray I go when you say go. I pray I every step I take, I take in you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

People think I’m lucky But I know it’s grace.

I have about 345232 questions running through my head. I am not a fan of uncertainty. I like actions, plans, steps, and lists. I like things to fit into organized boxes. This week is challenging me in more ways than one. I want to know exactly when and how things are going to work out. Those are my exact worries right now. Then I saw the Proverbs 31 Facebook update which was literally my feelings and anxiety at the moment. Renee Swope posted: “Faith means obeying God even when all my questions aren’t answered.” Allllllll Right. Way to call me out by name there. Middle named me and everything. I see what you did you there. Lord, your timing is absolutely astounding. It never ceases to amaze me.

A friend of mine posted Isaiah 26:3 today which says: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. I went on to read verse 4 which says: Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength. Ok. I needed that today. I needed some peace and reassurance. I don’t like when things are all up in the air and I don’t have a plan, but that’s what the struggle is right now. I have to change my perspective. I needed to be reminded that You are everlasting strength. I needed this lesson in trusting You.

Hannah Brencher posted a while ago on Instagram: “Because only in the darkness do we know light. Only, and only, if ever there was a word called ‘darkness’ would there be a reason to create another word to counter that word called ‘light.’ And maybe that’s just life: patches of darkness and patches of light. Sometimes we see it all so clearly. Sometimes we don’t know the way. Sometimes we grab the hands of others too tightly and they’re just thankful – just so thankful – that you’re finally grabbing on and needing to be held.” I definitely do not know my way right now and I am totally grabbing the hands of those around me. I struggle with that too because I’m stubborn and I don’t like to ask for help, but sometimes I just cannot do it alone and I don’t have to. I am blessed beyond measure by those that love me. Genesis 1:3-4 says: Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness. He separated the light from the darkness. Martin Luther King, Jr. said: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness only light can do that.” I heard that “sometimes God lets you be in a situation that only he can fix, so you will discover that he is the one who can fix it.” Casting Crowns has this song called Just Be Held and I was reminded of the lyrics today: “If your eyes are on the storm, you’ll wonder if I love you still, but if your eyes are on the cross, you’ll know I always have and I always will.” Those words meant so much to me today.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I look to you. I pray that I concentrate on the cross and not my problems. Lord, I know you love me and I know you have me. I know you’re taking care of me. I pray that you separate the light from the darkness. I pray that I see the light. I pray that I keep grabbing your hands and the hands of my loved ones who are going above and beyond to help me. I pray that I trust you. I pray that I lean on you. I pray that I give you my struggles. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for teaching me. I pray that I get my peace and strength from you. I pray that I put my faith in you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I pray that I continue to see how blessed I am, even when I struggle. I know that you have a plan for my life and you are working for me. Thank you for that.  And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

It’s time for us to more than just survive, we were made to thrive.

Why do we hold each other back? Why do we belittle each other? We tell each other we’re weak and won’t amount to anything. We’re gonna struggle forever so, we might as well just accept it, right? No. I refuse to accept that. I am not built to just survive. You made us for so much more than that. You created a purpose in each of us. You created a reason for our existence. We were put on this earth to bring glory to Your name.

I have been told that I’m weak, too quiet, too nice, too loud, too abrasive, too this and too that. I am tired of listening to other people criticize me and who I am. I am Your child. I am created with a mission and an opportunity to work towards Your plan. I am content exactly where I am because this is where You placed me. I am content exactly how You made me because I am exactly who You need me to be. No, I am not perfect. I make mistakes, but those mistakes are teaching me things that You need me to learn. The preacher at my church always says this thing that I absolutely love!! “You love us too much to let us stay the same.” You want us to learn and grow. You want us to thrive. You want us to change and shape the things around us. You want us to be mirrors and reflect Your light to everyone around us. You want more for us than what we would settle for.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that like the song says we dig deep into your word so that we can know your heart. I pray that we reach into the world to show them who you are. I pray that we thirst for more of you. I pray you fill our hearts and flood our souls to know you and to make you known. I pray we lift your name on high. I pray that we learn to find joy unspeakable, faith unsinkable, love unstoppable, and anything is possible through you. I pray that we stop letting others limit us because that means we are letting them limit you. Thank you for being limitless. Thank you for making me just the way I am. Thank you for placing me here for a reason. Thank you for letting me have a small part in your grand plan. I pray that I keep working. I pray that I keep trying. I pray that I keep learning. I pray that I do more than just survive.  And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You are with us.

Today is one of those days where I am just emotional for no reason. I am completely afraid of everything even though I have no reason to be. Fear is defined as: “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” So, because I like lists, here is a list of my biggest fears:

1. Bridges

2. Car Accidents

3. Death

4. Losing Loved Ones

5. Feeling Inadequate

6. Loneliness

7. Elevators

8. The Future

9. Failure

10. Getting Hit

Why am I so scared when I have You? They call You Emmanuel which literally means “God is with us.” 

Lord, You set us free from all our fears. In You, we can find rest and peace. In You, we can find joy. In You, we don’t have to have anxiety. We can lay everything at the feet of the cross. Lord, You save us. Psalm 121:1-2 says: “A Song of Ascents. I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.” 

In the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, the girl I related to the most was told that she likes the drama; that she liked the fear. He called her out so, she decided to cut the additional unneeded anxiety out. I realized I do this too. I add unnecessary stress by:

1. Waiting until the very last second to put gas in the car.

2. Returning Redbox movies at the last minute.

3. Over planning.

4. Over analyzing every word spoken to me.

5. My irrational fears.

I realized that these things hold me back, and I should just fix my eyes on You.

Today, the soundtrack in my head was playing a lot. It made me realize: 1. You are with us. 2. My help comes from You. 3. I should fix my eyes on all that You are. Basically all my useless drama, anxiety, stress, and fears come from my need for control. I want to control everything, but I can’t. I need to give you the reins and realize you are already there.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I let go of my need for control. I pray that I let go of my anxiety and stress. I pray that I let go of my fears because no matter what my fears are you are already there waiting to take care of me. You are already there waiting for me to take your hand. You are already there ready to help me. Lord, you already broke the chains, so I pray that I learn to put them down. I pray that I learn to give you the control. I pray that I learn to praise in the storm. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

We are one body.

When I was a kid, we used to sing this song in church. We would all hold hands across the pews and sing our hearts out. It’s one of my favorite memories. We did it practically every Sunday, which made me totally happy. I felt empowered after and ready to go out into the world. I have tried to find the song everywhere. All I can remember is “we are one body.” It made so much sense to me that we were one body. We were extensions of You. We were Your hands and feet. We were sent here to share Your love. What I like most is that we are one body. We are united through You. Philippians 4:13 says: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Casting Crowns has a similar song.

Colossians 3:15 says: “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” So, since it’s Thanksgiving. Here is what I’m thankful for:

1. My family, my friends, my sisters, my person, my soulmate, my littles, and all the lovely people in my life.

2. The University of South Alabama and all the wonderful people that work there.

3. My country, the great state of Alabama, and all the brave men and women in uniform.

4. Country music and southern accents.

5. Albert, my beautiful car.

6. The Alpha Gamma Delta Foundation and all the amazing people contributing to the world’s work.

7. Faith, Hope, and Love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

8. Taylor Swift for showing me it’s ok to dance everywhere you go and fall in love with everyone you meet.

9. Hannah Brencher for inspiring me to bring more love to the world.

10. Miranda Lambert for showing me how to be strong and kind at the same time.

11. Dolly Parton for showing me how to stay humble and have big hair.

12. My life. I’m thankful that I’m here and I get to continue to use my talents and gifts for You.

So, that is my prayer. I pray that you use me. I pray that we are one body. I pray that your arms are reaching. I pray that your hands are healing. I pray that your words are teaching. I pray that your feet are going. I pray that your love is showing them the way. I pray that I use Psalm 119:105, which is: “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” I pray that I keep listening to you. I pray that I keep seeing you. Thank you for sending your son for us. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for making me who I am. I pray that I use the talents and gifts you gave me to bring glory to you. I pray that I show more love. I pray that I show more kindness. I pray that I show more compassion. I pray that I show more generosity. I pray that I continue to be thankful for everything around me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.