Lord, You tried talking some sense to me last night, but I wasn’t ready to listen so, You got me up this morning before the sun. Alright, alright, alright I get it. You’ve got something to say and I can’t run from it anymore. I opened Instagram and my sorority little had sent me Thomas Rhett’s story where he was singin an unreleased song he wrote called Ya Heard. He sings about praying for all these things since he was 17 and 23 and he knows Ya heard because he has so much more than he prayed for. You took his prayers and gave them life, literally.
I prayed, begged, and pleaded. Then I pushed and pressured because I was scared. So, I lost it.
I lost the very thing I was praying for. My sister thinks that’s because it was never meant for me. I am not so convinced. I still want it. Probably naively and probs just plain old stupidly. Because if a man wants you, he will make it happen. That’s what the rom coms teach anyways.
I am not sure where compromising ends and begins. I’m not sure where honoring someone else and staying true to myself ends and begins. I thought I did. But then real life happened and I wasn’t so sure. I would have given anything and everything which just seems silly now. Honestly, I feel plain old stupid right about now. I read Ephesians 5:21-33 over and over. I thought this was Your plan, but maybe I just wanted it so much, I let myself believe that.
Father, maybe my prayers will be answered and it’ll come back. Maybe my sister is right and I’ll find something new. Maybe this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back and I will finally just accept it’s not happening for me and move on.
So, here is my prayer. No matter the weather, I will praise you. No matter what happens, I will praise you. No matter if it comes back and works out, I will praise you. No matter if your plans are different from my own, I will praise you. No matter if I am never loved at all, I will praise you. Lord, my circumstances will change, my feelings will change, but my praise will remain. Father, I am your child and you take care of me. I trust you when I am succeeding. I trust you when everything is going good, so I should still trust even when it’s not. I will trust you even when I feel absolutely, positively stupid. I will trust you even when I got stress coming at me from all directions. Father God, thank you for knowing what is best for me. Thank you for the details in my life. Thank you for waking me up early just to chat with me. Thank you for listening to my prayers. Thank you for everything. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.