You still bring water from the rock to satisfy my thirst.

Earlier this week, I could feel something coming. I remembered one of my Titus 2 friends sweetly prayed for You to reveal it God. So, I whispered that heavy prayer knowing what it would bring. I knew You would show Your power. I knew You would reveal the sin and the problem. But my God, thank You that Your power doesn’t end there.

Father, You revealed the sin. You revealed the truth. You revealed the pain. You revealed the hurt. You revealed the root of the issue. You revealed the place that needed healing. You revealed the ways to help. You revealed that You are always in control. You revealed hope. You calmed the storm. You told Jonah to quit running.

I knew, You would reveal the sin. Now, I know how much more You reveal after that. Because it was never just about the sin, it was always about the person You love. It was always about the heart. It was always about the cross. It was always about the gospel.

So, here is my prayer. Father, thank you for your spirit. Thank you for listening to whispered prayers. Thank you for showing your love this week. Thank you for showing me how I can help. Thank you for friends that share their wisdom and point me to you. Abba, I pray this song over my life. I pray this is my worship. I pray this is my offering. In every moment, I withhold nothing. Father, I’m learning to trust You. Even when I can’t see it. And even in suffering. I have to believe it. If You say “it’s wrong”, then I’ll say “no.” If You say “release”, I’m letting go. If You’re in it with me, I’ll begin. And when You say to jump, I’m diving in. If You say “be still”, then I will wait. If You say to trust, I will obey. I don’t wanna follow my own ways. I’m done chasing feelings. Spirit lead me. I don’t trust my ways. I’m trading in my thoughts. I lay down everything. ‘Cause You’re all that I want. I’ve landed on my knees. This is the cup You have for me. Father, I pray these are not just empty words. I don’t want to put on a show or give lip service. I don’t want to play a part. I pray that I live my life this way. I pray that I follow your every command, your every word, your every whisper. Father, reveal the path and I will follow. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

So right now my soul will say amen!

Lord, my routine was interrupted. My consistency was jolted. There was a wrench thrown into my nice, simple, pleasant, content school nights. School was cancelled. Then my child care was cancelled.

Now, I have moving plates and the only one that can balance all this mess out is You, Father. I cannot do this alone. I need help.

My Women’s Bible Study was cancelled. My Life Group was cancelled. I need my people. I need my opening prayers with them.

Maybe I can send them some prayers and we can just communicate another way. Lord, help me find community in social distancing.

My Youth Group was cancelled. I need to see my kiddos and know they’re ok. I can’t ask them how they’re doing. I have no mid-week check-in with them. I have no Sunday nights just for them to start their week off with You, Father. I know some of them aren’t gonna be eating and some aren’t gonna be watched and safe.

Father, can I round up some food and care packages for my babies? I need help Lord.

So, here is my prayer today. Lord, Satan is trying to isolate us all and keep us all separated and scared and stressed. But my God I know you better than that. You show up in mighty ways. You haven’t left us. Times like these is when you show us your power. People come together in the most surprising ways. Abba, help me find solutions. Help me to seek you in all I do. Help me reach my people and my kiddos in your name alone. Help me remember to do your work with my every breath and every move. Take my resources and grow them. Take everything I have and everything I am and send it. Move me Father. Interrupt my cozy. Interrupt my safe. Open my eyes to the needs around me. Get my hands and feet to dancing. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Whoa, Hallelujah, Whoa-ho, I am free.

I found these Benham Brothers “Whatever the Cost” sermon notes from GoTell Camp from 2017 in my prayer journal.

I was saved at 7 years old in the 2nd grade. I was singing in the balcony of the church. I had this feeling in every single ounce of me that I wanted to live my life for You, God. I knew what You had done for me. I had no idea at the time how much more You were actually doing and going to do in my life. Especially in the world outside my little 7 year old imagination. I ran back to my mama and with all the excitement I could muster and told her I wanted to be baptized. Nothing can change the fact that I was saved that day. My name was written in the book.

Satan cannot get me unsaved, but boy howdy can he get me thinking unsaved. That little nugget of wisdom was shared that week and let me tell you, Lord: You tapped right on my heart asking: “Are you listening my child?”

Another big ole heap of wisdom dropped in my lap was when we’re saved, we enter the fight between good and evil.

Lord, I prayed that I was tired of fighting victory. I prayed to fight from a place of victory. You already won the war. I prayed to fight with the presence of Your Truth. I prayed to delve into Your word more and more and more. “Through Your word, our faith turns to faithfulness.” I prayed I was tired of being a candle. Somebody comes along with a few negative words, my light goes out. When the winds of change come rolling in, my light blows out. I prayed to be a piece of coal in the fire pit. I prayed to know Your word so well that the Devil only fans the flames. I prayed for the light to be a burning ember in my soul. I prayed to burn from the inside out for You, Father. I prayed to win privately so I could win publicly for You and You alone. The same way we’re saved by inviting You into our hearts, privately, then we get baptized, publicly, to show we’ve been changed and set apart. I prayed to live like I’m saved.

Lost people are doing exactly what lost people do, acting lost. “It’s not the presence of darkness that is the issue, but an absence of light.” The Benham Brothers explained that we are chocolate chips in cookie dough. We mix in but do not change form. Even when baked, the chocolate chips are still distinct.

So, here is my prayer today. Lord, Father Almighty, draw me in close to you. Sink your word deep into my soul. Let your truth flow out of every pore of me. Lord, there are going to be days I feel like all I am doing is putting out fires. There are going to be days when I feel burnt-out. Those are guarantees. But my God, Isaiah 43:2 says When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. And if I skip back a verse it says: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine! Thank you, Lord for all of it. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You’ll never get tired of chasing my heart.

Ain’t it just like Satan to try to isolate me. Whispering in my ear: “girl, nobody is ever gonna love you, you’re too much.” “girl, nobody is gonna help you, you’re not doing it right.” “girl, a monkey could’ve done a better job, they’re gonna replace you.” “girl, let me tell you about twenty different ways everyone else could do better than you.” “girl, you are so stupid, you can’t do anything right.”

First off, I am a mighty woman of God. I am not the same little girl hiding in the closet and under the bed from my demons. You, my God, stood in front of what terrified me and hurt me. You, my God, defeated the darkest of the dark. You, my God, already brought me out of hell and saved me. I am in a good place with good people. I do not have to live triggered or hurt or alone anymore. I am lovable. I am worthy of love. I am loved. I am more than the lies. I live in the light of the truth.

So, here is my prayer today. Father, over and over again you chose me. Abba, I am sorry for doubting my purpose and my worth. I am sorry for moments of forgetting my value. I am sorry for listening to the lies and forgetting where I am and where I come from. I am sorry for lashing out from my hurt places. Thank you that my identity does not come from my ability to do my job correctly or serve correctly or even love correctly. I would never be able to measure up. My identity comes from your ability to do your job and your ability to serve and your ability to love. You do your job in perfect abundance. You serve in perfect joy. You love in perfect exuberance and clarity. You, my God are so clear, direct, personal, Holy, and loving. Thank you for loving me when I fail and when I thrive. Father, despite today’s lies swimming in my ear, You showed up with me. Today, we served and served well. Today, there was a moment where a kid hugged me and thanked me for bringing him to serve. Father, he didn’t thank me for the movie and the fun stuff, he thanked me for the opportunity to serve. Lord, these kids hearts are for you. They are clinging to your goodness. They are begging for your love, sometimes in the most unloving ways. Yes, they are loud and boisterous and spirited and animated and dramatic and ohhh sooo full of life. My God, they love you big. They want to know more about you. They are reaching for you. My one job in this life is to bring them to you. I will not stop. Matthew 19:14 says: Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Father, where others see them as a distraction, don’t let me forget they are your children. When others see them as a disturbance, help me remember they are the whole point. When others counted me out, you sought me, you bought me, and you redeemed me. Help me to show these kids your love at all costs. 1 John 3:16 says: This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. Father, help me lay down my life daily at your feet for these kids. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.