And I’m not holding onto You, but You’re holding onto me.

Usually when my world starts spinning in the opposite direction I want it to, then I come to You asking why this and why that. I learned a few years ago, that why is the wrong question. The right question is what am I going to do with what I left?

I know in my heart that’s what I should be asking. I know in my heart exactly what I should be doing. I know exactly where to go from here. I’ve been to rock bottom before. I’ve had my world taken away. I’ve been lost and confused.

When I feel like I’m losing control, I used to do something I could control. I would dye my hair, chop it all off, rearrange my bedroom. And when I’m really, desperately losing it in the moment, I clean, like deep clean, hands and knees on the floor scrubbing.

I learned that I was never in control though, You are. You had me then. You have me now. And You will still have me next time my world falls apart.

I’ve known rock bottom, but this is deeper. This is messy and wayyyy down deep underground. I’m gonna have dirt under my nails from climbing out of this for a while. I am not going to come out on the other side unchanged. But I will climb out. Because I have an Almighty Father that loves me too much to leave me in this hole I built. Thank you Abba. Thank you Daddy. Thank you Father. Thank you PaPa.

Thank you for providing lighthouses in the storm to guide my way home.

So here is my prayer. Thank you for this. Thank you for this. Thank you for this. This was not my plan, but my God, your plans are greater than my own and I will trust you! You have eternity in mind. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for never leaving me to face the storm alone. I love you Father and I am relying solely on you. Thank you for holding me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.