Ok, so, I have a crazy throwing a mountain into the ocean idea. I had this little voice whispering that I should try back even two years ago. Then it got louder last year. Then it got louder and louder. Now it’s so loud I can’t ignore it anymore. I can’t continue to run like Jonah or deny it like Moses.
I have been reading and studying for this my whole life and can see Your hand in every word of my story. I have been having dreams about this. I have a vision and am ready to serve. Sunday, during the prayer, I physically felt this in my bones and heard this is what I needed to do.
I can give you a million reasons why it won’t work. And to each reason, I have a “but, God” response too. I am too young, I am certainly too this, and definitely too that. I’ve heard all the excuses of why I can’t, but I continue hearing You say I can. You planted the seeds long before I knew I needed a tree to climb.
I can give you a copy of resume where I can explain how You have been leading me to this my whole life. With experience leading meetings, counseling, teaching, mentoring, organizing, speaking, and most importantly serving. I can explain how each and every day of my life was leading me to this point and to this place. I show you every mark in my life drawing straight here, even the parts I would have chosen to erase, maybe even especially those parts. Because where there is pain, You showed me the truest healing.
I worried I wasn’t qualified or “good enough” to do this. I worried I wouldn’t have the right words to preach. But, You keep talking to me and telling me about people in the Bible that had the same fears. Like Moses who stuttered and could hardly speak. Like Paul who murdered Christians. The more I’m studying the Word, the more I want to teach it. I have spent the last few years teaching teenagers about Jesus and wanting to do more and more of it. My heart has always wanted to serve with every fiber of my being. I teach those kids to follow instructions by looking at the person, saying ok, doing the task immediately, then checking back. So, I’m done running like Jonah. I’m gonna start practicing what I’m preaching. I am going to follow Your instructions. I am looking at You and saying ok. And I’m gonna keep checking back with You about this. The most important instructions I can follow are Yours even if it seems completely insane to every one else.
This crazy idea isn’t about me. It’s about the church. It’s about the lighthouse in the storm. It’s about that body of people. It’s about the still small voice. It’s about Your love calling ordinary people to crazy mountain thrown into the ocean ideas. It’s about the gospel. It’s about making disciple makers.
I have tried bargaining with You, saying: if I do this other thing then that’s good so I won’t have to do this crazy idea. But You are so much smarter than I give You credit for. You see right through my attempts at stalling. You knows all my tricks. You shut those doors and keep reaffirming this crazy idea. You know I need neon signs that practically and literally bonk me on the head. Like hey kid, look over here: this is what I want you to do. It’s high time, I stop stalling and start trusting You even with the crazy ideas, maybe even especially with the crazy ideas.
So, here is my prayer. Father, I pray the crazy prayer. I pray that I follow instructions. I pray your will be done, not my own. I pray that if this is your way, you open the doors. I pray I am walking in faith. I pray I follow you. I pray I keep listening for your voice. I pray I stay in the word. I pray I keep wanting to serve you. I pray you keep breaking my heart for what breaks yours. I pray I go where you lead. I pray I lift my life up to you, for you to use. I pray I study and learn and apply all you’ve taught. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.