I am reserved. I am restrained. I am not wild.
I am shy. I am ashamed. I am not proud to be seen with me.
I give my love in pieces. I hide myself.
I am controlled. I am contained. I burn out.
I am fractured. I have a troubled mind.
I am anxious. I am the restless kind.
I am passive.
I am disengaged.
I am not always present. I do not hang on to every word said.
I don’t always keep my promises.
I am broken.
I am insecure.
I am selfish.
I am not pure.
But Lord, my God, You are. You are all of the things I am not and so much more. You are. You are so gentle. You are constantly whispering in my ear, “my daughter, no matter what you’ve done, just come home.”
I witnessed this child pitching a fit, like a full dramatic meltdown. This child was in a fighting mood. She was ready. And this father simply, gently, said: “hit me if that’s what you need. I can take it.” All I could think is every time I’ve been that child with You, God. When my heart is screaming. When my eyes are burning from tears. When I’m blaming You. When I’m literally putting You back on the cross. You’re just simply, gently telling me: “I can take it, my daughter.”
When I was little, I saw the movie version of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Men. There was this scene that forever changed me. This foster kid was in trouble, I don’t even remember what for, but he went to the barn to see his foster father. The father gave him this speech and then put the switch or the ruler or whatever it was in the kid’s hand. He told this kid, he would take his punishment. He told this kid, to literally hit him that he would take the punishment. It was the ultimate image of Your love for us, God. Abba. Father. You literally took the punishment for me. You took the death I deserved. You took the pain I deserved. You loved me unconditionally.
So, that is my prayer today. I simply want to say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Abba. Father. Thank you. Thank you for loving me with such a pure, unconditional love. Thank you for taking the punishment. Thank you for your gentleness. Thank you for letting this prodigal daughter come home. Every single time. No matter what. Lord, thank you. Thank you for true love. Thank you. Thank you. I am in awe of your love. Thank you for surrounding me in your love. Thank you for reminders of your love. Thank you for the cross. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.