It is no secret that I like to read. When I was in the first grade, we had this reading program with a “graduation” ceremony at the end. The number of books we read determined what kind of “degree” we received. I got the Doctorate, obvi. Which is probs the only time I will be getting a Doctorate. Anyways, now I tend to read the Christian love stories. Me and that Lifeway punch card are real acquainted. I make the rounds around those book shelves.
I mostly read the stories about either the girl or the guy running away because of fear. I totally understand running. This one time when I was like 15, I waited around after a football game and told a guy I liked him, then I ran away. Literally hightailed it out of there. Probs the fastest I’ve ever ran, but that’s probably more sad than that story. Anyhow, I identify with that feeling of not deserving the other person. I’ve always feared that I would push away people because I felt unworthy of their love and they would eventually find better. My plan was to leave them before they left me.
I put so much worth in them that I lose my own worth. Instead of focusing on their worth, why don’t I change the conversation? Ya know, the one in my head, where my fears try to speak louder than my faith? I am gonna focus on becoming the best version of myself. How about I stop convincing myself that they are worth more than what I can give? How about I stop measuring? Instead of focusing on how other people deserve more than what I have to offer, I just offer more.
So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I take the risk. I pray that I wont run when it looks like love. I pray that I won’t hide beneath the fear. I pray that don’t let fear consume or control or cease me. I pray that I love more. I pray that I give more. I pray that I lay my heart on the line more. I pray that I am more sincere. I pray that I am more intentional. I pray that I reach out more. I pray that I think of others needs before my own. I pray that I show more kindness. I pray that share more honesty and vulnerability. I pray that I love until I can’t. I pray that I pull people closer, instead of pushing them away. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.