A cross meant to kill is my victory.

The other night, my dad and brother started talking about when You were gonna come back. I immediately started panicking and going through my checklist or rather my bucket list and thinking about all the things I haven’t done yet. I literally sat there and thought Lorddddd, let me married first. I sat there and prayed. I want to start a family. I want to contribute to the world. I want a career. I want to adopt. I want so many things and as I sit here praying I realize how childish I must sound. Actually, I probs sound purrrrty bonkers. Like this is my thought process: “Heaven, but first let me adopt some kids and find a good man…” Like child please. I’ve been told a lot that my head is in the clouds, I didn’t believe them until just now. There is nothing wrong with wanting those things. The problem is with my thought process and my reactions made out of plum fear. Like I sat there thinking, ohhh girl, better hurry up and a nail down a man before You come. Like I could rush it or something. I was praying out of fear.

You know who else acted out fear? Abraham and Sarah. There is a story in Genesis 16 about how they wanted some little munchkins running around, just like I do. Anddd ohhh poor Sarah. Boy did she act of fear. Homegirl wanted a family so bad she told her husband to make one with another woman. Then, big shocker, it didn’t make Sarah happy, instead she got jealous and mean. The devil intended to use her fear to destroy her. But what the devil intends to destroy, You use for Your ultimate glory. Two chapters later, in Genesis 18, You told Abraham and Sarah that she was going to have the child she always wanted. She literally laughed. I’m 24 and sitting here thinking that my clock is ticking and this woman is well past her childbearing years. She literally laughed. Lord, she let her fear consume her and drive her every action and thought.

Lord, so many times I react without thinking. The devil is playing on my weaknesses. He is literally using every tool in his arsenal to misguide, manipulate, and disarm me. He is doing everything in his power to stop me from praising You. But You came for me. So, today instead of letting fear control me, I am going to sing Crowder’s song as loud as I can.

“Oh, Your amazing grace, I’ve seen and tasted it
It’s running through my veins
I can’t escape its grip in You my soul is safe
You uncover everything”

I haven’t been this excited for an album in soooo long. My love for Crowder’s new CD started in September and I’m taking their sweet lyrics into October with me.

So, here is my prayer. I pray that I keep singing and I take the lessons I’ve learned from their lyrics with me. I pray that you keep showing me your love. I pray that I learn to act of love instead react out of fear. I pray that I let your amazing grace wash over me and run through my veins. I pray that you change my stinkin thinkin. Thank you for using what the devil intends to harm me, to use for your glory. Thank you for the cross. Thank you taking the sting out of death. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for taking away my sin. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for coming for me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.


2 thoughts on “A cross meant to kill is my victory.

  1. Hi there. Thanks for the post. I studied psychology in university. One of the subjects I took was adult development. Psychologists have found that people in their 20s and 30s are afraid of dying regardless of religion. Its part of our psychological makeup. As we get older we begin to look at death more openly. By the time we hit our 80s and 90s death becomes a welcoming prospect. I dont think a fear of death is from the devil in context of your post. Your response is normal for your age. I also dont want to die and I’m 30. Ha ha ha ha ha. I’ve got way too much to do still and Ive tols told God. Thanks for sharing your beautiful heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amen! And hallelujah! A great article and just what I needed. The story of Sarah laughing always makes me chuckle. She tried to deny that she laughed at the thought of God blessing her with a child in her old age. She tried to deny it but God called her on it and said, ” You DID laugh.” Here’s what I love: God wasn’t hurt by her laughter and doubt. He knows just what He’s capable of and, while He wants us to take Him at His word, He can handle my doubts as long as I’m honest with him. He is far greater than my humanity and frailty. He remembers that I am dust and has mercy on me. What a mighty God we serve! Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 3 people

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