I am so used to saying awkward things that I don’t even realize I’ve done it anymore. My person handles my awkward moments in stride though. She’s so graceful and I’m over here like I’m like a porcupine, when people get too close, I stick my needles out. When other people would just leave, she stays. Lord, I thank you so much for her and all she has taught me. Her friendship has changed me in more ways than I will ever know.
When people get close, I send them running in the opposite direction. At the same time, I want love. I crave love. I want someone to sit in church with. I want someone to watch TV and movies with that lets me ask questions and talk the whole time. When the flood comes, I just want someone to hold my hand and walk on the ark with. I want to be loved so much that I forget I am already loved by You, who died to know me. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that kind of love, but I’m learning. Like I can barely hold a conversation with someone I like, but all You want is a conversation with me.
I’m learning to let You in, Lord. I started reading Missing Pieces by Jennifer Rothschild and in the introduction it says: “That’s what we really want, isn’t it? To know God intimately, not just know about Him.” I decided a long time ago that I wanted a personal relationship with You before a relationship with my future husband, but now I wanna take it even further. I want to go deeper.
Kristin Duff wrote an article for The Odyssey called: Why I Pray For Him. In the article it says: “I pray for him because it directs my mind back to the Lord when all I want to do is take control and go find him myself.” Ohhh girl, I feel ya on that need for control. I’ve been praying for him practically my whole life, but I always thought that was just for him. I thought it was putting him in Your hands. I never thought about it that way. That my praying for him was directing my mind back to You, but that is exactly what I’ve been doing. She also wrote: “By praying for my future husband, I am already placing the Lord in the center of it all.” I like the idea of inviting You into the relationship before the first hello has ever been said.
There is this quote on Pinterest that says: “Show me how to love like You have loved me.” That is what I wanna do. I want to love like You loved me. I want to share Your love. So, instead of asking for love, like I always do, I want to love like You do.
So, here is my prayer today. I pray when you tell me I am loved, I listen. I pray when you tell me I am known, I listen. I pray when you tell me that you died for me, I listen. I pray when you tell me I am not alone, I listen. I pray that when you tell me I am the one your heart beats for, I listen. I pray I can find my strength by knowing I am yours. I pray that I remember that you wrote your name upon my heart. I pray that I continue to let you in. I pray that you consume my heart. I pray that I love like you have loved me. I pray that I direct my mind back to you. I pray that I invite you into every part of my life and my heart. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.