You’ve always known what my heart needs.

I am so used to saying awkward things that I don’t even realize I’ve done it anymore. My person handles my awkward moments in stride though. She’s so graceful and I’m over here like I’m like a porcupine, when people get too close, I stick my needles out. When other people would just leave, she stays. Lord, I thank you so much for her and all she has taught me. Her friendship has changed me in more ways than I will ever know.

When people get close, I send them running in the opposite direction. At the same time, I want love. I crave love. I want someone to sit in church with. I want someone to watch TV and movies with that lets me ask questions and talk the whole time. When the flood comes, I just want someone to hold my hand and walk on the ark with. I want to be loved so much that I forget I am already loved by You, who died to know me. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that kind of love, but I’m learning. Like I can barely hold a conversation with someone I like, but all You want is a conversation with me.

I’m learning to let You in, Lord. I started reading Missing Pieces by Jennifer Rothschild and in the introduction it says: “That’s what we really want, isn’t it? To know God intimately, not just know about Him.” I decided a long time ago that I wanted a personal relationship with You before a relationship with my future husband, but now I wanna take it even further. I want to go deeper.

Kristin Duff wrote an article for The Odyssey called: Why I Pray For Him. In the article it says: “I pray for him because it directs my mind back to the Lord when all I want to do is take control and go find him myself.” Ohhh girl, I feel ya on that need for control. I’ve been praying for him practically my whole life, but I always thought that was just for him. I thought it was putting him in Your hands. I never thought about it that way. That my praying for him was directing my mind back to You, but that is exactly what I’ve been doing. She also wrote: “By praying for my future husband, I am already placing the Lord in the center of it all.” I like the idea of inviting You into the relationship before the first hello has ever been said.

There is this quote on Pinterest that says: “Show me how to love like You have loved me.” That is what I wanna do. I want to love like You loved me. I want to share Your love. So, instead of asking for love, like I always do, I want to love like You do.

So, here is my prayer today. I pray when you tell me I am loved, I listen. I pray when you tell me I am known, I listen. I pray when you tell me that you died for me, I listen. I pray when you tell me I am not alone, I listen. I pray that when you tell me I am the one your heart beats for, I listen. I pray I can find my strength by knowing I am yours. I pray that I remember that you wrote your name upon my heart. I pray that I continue to let you in. I pray that you consume my heart. I pray that I love like you have loved me. I pray that I direct my mind back to you. I pray that I invite you into every part of my life and my heart.  And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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One thought on “You’ve always known what my heart needs.

  1. “I want to be loved so much that I forget I am already loved by You, who died to know me. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that kind of love, but I’m learning. Like I can barely hold a conversation with someone I like, but all You want is a conversation with me.” How beautiful and true! Jesus is the lover of my soul and He delights in me. The enemy wants me to forget that, to never internalize that truth. That’s why I must routinely preach the gospel to myself and speak life and truth into existence. Thanks for posting.

    Liked by 3 people

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