Even in the darkest place His love can make you radiate.

Last year, I put my tree up during Fall Break which was the first weekend of October. This year, I was listening to Christmas music by October 18th. I don’t know about everyone else, but the fall semester always seems to hit me like a ton of bricks. So, in order to make it through the second half of classes, I result in childish measures. I take full advantage of the holiday spirit. Christmas music is just happy, like even the sad songs sounds a little happier. Christmas movies always have a happy ending. Hot chocolate warms the soul. Nativity scenes have a glow to them that remind you of the meaning and give you purpose. People are more giving and generous and kind. Like the holidays are just plain magical.

I have been in a bad mood. I got my car back finally and instead of saying thank you, I worried. I drove like 5 miles an hour and gripped the wheel so hard I couldn’t move. I worried that with my luck I would lose it again just as soon as I got it back. Homecoming pictures flooded my Timehop and instead of remembering the good times, it reminded me of what we lost.

I have been thinking about Jason Gray’s song all week.

If you’re shattered like a piece of glass
The more broke you are the more the light gets through
Show your wounds and your flaws
Show them why you still need the cross
Let them see the work He’s doing in you

The line that got me was “show them why you still need the cross.” So, here we go. Here’s to being vulnerable and laying it all out there. I still need the cross because I still get sad sometimes. I still have negative thoughts, no matter how hard I try to stay positive. I still find it hard to move on sometimes. I saw this picture on Facebook that said this girl had a crush on a boy and her dad said to fill the boy’s name in where you saw love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. She rethought her feelings. Then her daddy told her to put her own name in the verses and life got real. So, I’m gonna put my own name in those verses:

Alyysa is patient-nope, definitely not. Alyssa is kind-ehh somedays. Alyssa does not envy-most definitely do that, Alyssa does not boast-sometimes, Alyssa is not proud-wrong again. Alyssa does not dishonor others-welllll, Alyssa is not self-seeking-nope, Alyssa is not easily angered-this one I might actually be ok at, Alyssa keeps no record of wrongs-nope, totes have a mental list. Alyssa does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-maybe. Alyssa always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres-I think I have this one too.

So, I have about 2 out of like 11… that’s not good. I’ve got a lot of work to do. I still need the cross because I fail daily. At church on Sunday, we were asked some questions that got me thinking: Is there anything in your lives and heart that is inconsistent with the character of God? Are my hands clean? Is my heart pure? Are my words true? Is God my King? Over every part of our lives? Well clearly I have a lot of work to do.

1 Corinthians 13 continues in verse 11 with: When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. I should probs take note of that and try to do better. I’m growing up and graduating in May and heading out into the world, maybe it’s time I start acting like it. David Ring spoke last week at church and I was reminded of it today. He asked us if we were doing all we could with all we have. Then he said: “Can you do more?” He said: “the more broken we are, the more we’re blessed.” 

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I learn to be more patient and kind. I pray that I stop envying others. I pray that I quit boasting. I pray that put my proud attitude behind me. I pray that I don’t dishonor others. I pray that I stop self-seeking. I pray that I am not easily angered. I pray that I erase my record of wrongs and learn to forgive. I pray that I rejoice in truth and stop delighting in evil. I pray that I protect, trust, always hope, and always persevere. I pray that I take 1 Corinthians with me. I pray that I strive to live with purpose and intention. I pray that I strive to leave childish behavior behind me. I pray that I move forward. I pray that I live more like you and not like me. I pray that I share your love. I pray that I am filled with your love. I pray that I continue the prayer started on Sunday, I pray that you move in me and fill this place. I pray that you keep working on me. I pray that I do more. I pray that do better. I pray that I share why I still need the cross. I pray that show that the more broken I am, the more blessed I am. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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