But I want Your way, Yahweh.

My friend and I were going down the road and she turns to me and says: “Have you heard this new TobyMac song?” (shaking my head no.) “Here, I’ll play it for you!” TobyMac wasn’t even finished with the first verse before I was ready to cry. This was exactly what I needed to hear. This was exactly what I was going through right now. Lord, You amaze me with your timing. Your hand is literally in every part of my life.

I am a backseat driver. I completely, 100% admit it. I have trouble with trust. I want to be in control and I like being in control. Not just in the car, but in every single aspect of my life, I want to be in control. I want to make plans and decisions and have actions reflect those plans. I want to swoop in and fix things. I want my 10-year plan and all my other plans to remain intact. But the moment I remember that 10-year plan, I remember You have an eternity plan. I am learning that I can’t plan life and I control everything. (Go figure!) I can’t control what happens to me or what happens to other people. I can’t stop bad things from happening, no matter how much I would like to. There is a line between giving up and not fighting for things and completely controlling them. The line is drawn when I trust You and let you guide my life and I let You fight for me. If I am not letting You fight for me, then I am fighting against You. That is a battle I will never win. One of the big things I’ve learned this year is that I can control my reaction to those things though. I can look to You, instead of reverting back to my old habits.

My old habits have taught me that my need for control comes from a place of fear. Maybe that lady was right, maybe I am timid and afraid. I am so scared of things going wrong that I need to control every part of it. Lysa TerKeurst posted: “The enemy wants us afraid. Not the healthy kind of fear. No, the horrible kind of fear that whispers worst case scenarios absent of hope and haunted by hurt. With death on his breath Fear says, ‘Dance with me darling. Entertain my entanglements. Linger in my lies. And drink deeply from my darkness.’ All the while it pickpockets our purpose. Cripples our courage. Dismantles our dreams. And blinds us to the beauty of Christ’s powerful love. Refuse Fear access to your heart, mind, and soul with the proclamation above all others – Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! The name of Jesus is Power. Protection. And Perspective that crushes fear.”

Isaiah 54:10 says: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken. I can barely comprehend what is going on around me, much less the fact that while mountains will be shaken and hills are removed, Your love in unfailing and unshaken. Your love is deeper and more profound than anything I can even understand. Tim Tebow posted Proverbs 3:5-6 which says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

The Do You Believe movie Facebook page posted this: “I am not in control, but I am deeply loved by the one who is.” Maybe it’s time I started believing that and trusting You.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I trust you. I pray that I take TobyMac’s lyrics and Lysa’s words with me. I pray that I take Isaiah 54:10 and Proverbs 3:5-6 with me. I pray that I let go of the control. I pray that I let you take over the driver’s seat to my life. I pray that I let you fight for me. I pray that I give control to you. I pray that I see your beauty and your hand in everything. I pray that I refuse fear access to my heart, mind, and soul. I pray for your power and protection. I pray that you change my perspective. Thank you for your unfailing love. I pray that I stop leaning on my own understanding. I pray that I trust in you and acknowledge you in all I do. Thank you for reminders to trust you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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