I found my life when I laid it down.

I went to the flea market this weekend with my roommate and this car cut us off in the parking lot because she was in a hurry. All I could focus on was the Jesus fish tag on the front of her car. I was judging her impatience. The thoughts going through my head were: “She’s a Christian. She should be more considerate. She should have patience.”

The question that has been bugging me all week, Do I hold myself to that same standard? Well, to be honest, for the past couple of days, I tried to justify that I did. I knew it wasn’t true but I tried to justify it anyways by saying that I am a courteous driver and I let people over and I like go above and beyond when I drive to be courteous. Then today happened. My patience was tested. I failed, miserably. This summer started off with so much promise and everything was perfect. Then it was one thing after another falling apart. I would literally be given things just for them to slip right out of my hands. It was like a tease. Then it hit even harder. Now it wasn’t just new things I was losing, it was old relationships and things I have grown to depend on. It was like every where I turned something was blowing up in my face and not working out the way I wanted.

Today, I lost my patience. Maybe it was because I didn’t sleep last night. Maybe it was previous stress adding up. Maybe it was just the last straw that I couldn’t take. When was my parents tried to tell me it was going to be ok, I cried because I didn’t believe them. Then I saw Lysa Terkeurst’s post. “God really does work for the good in all things even our most vulnerable struggles. Sometimes we just have to decide to look for the good.” 

Maybe I should focus more on what You want, instead of what I want. Maybe I should follow Your plan, instead of mine. Maybe I should strive to be more like You, instead of comparing myself to other Christians. Maybe I should have more patience for that lady in the flea market and for everyone else. Maybe I should call my parents back and apologize and thank them. Maybe I should be looking for the good because there is soooo much of it. This summer hasn’t been terrible by far. Yes, a lot of bad things happened, but soooo much good happened too. Even on the worst day this summer, I saw Your love. Maybe I should remember Galatians 5:25 which says: “Since we are living by the Spirit. Let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.” Maybe I should let my knees hit the ground.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that my knees hit the ground. I pray that I lay everything down. I pray that I lay all my relationships down. I pray that I lay my plans down. I pray that I lay my worries down. I pray that I lay my struggles and my victories down. I pray I lay my patience down. I pray I lay my weaknesses and my strengths down. I pray that I lay everything that I am down. I pray that I lay everything that I have down. I pray that you lead me. I pray that I follow. I pray that I trust. I pray that I look for the good. I pray that I keep seeing your love everywhere I turn. I pray that you sweep me up in your love again. I pray that I reach out in surrender again. I pray that I listen to my daddy when we says: “There’s a way. We might not see it yet, but there’s a way.” Because you do see it. You see the way. You are the light that guides my life. Psalm 119:05 says “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” I pray that I listen to you and listen to your word. You’ve never left me. I pray that I remember that when I start to lose my patience. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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