When you’re fighting to believe in a love that you can’t see.

I was totes ready to jam out to some 2004 Usher today. “These are my confessions. These are my confessionsss.” Ok, so here are the confessions of this 23 year old, single, Christian girl:

1. Questions like: “why are you single?” should never be asked. What I’m thinking is “I don’t know. I’m fabulous.” The truth is that You have a plan. So, while my plan has me married by 25 and starting a family by 28. I could even throw in starting my career by 24 and fixing up a house by 26, that would be great too. Back to reality and the truth though. Your plan goes way beyond that. I barely see past my 5 year plan and You see eternity. So, why am I single? Because You want me to be. When it is the right time You will send the right man. Until then, I’m going to continue to praise You and build my relationship with You. Yes, I am waiting, but my life is not on hold. I am figuring out what I want in life and preparing for whatever You decide to throw at me. I am working to become the right woman instead of looking for the right man. The right man won’t pass me by.

2. Blind Dates. Ummm well, I’m awkward for starters so, yea. I feel sorry for my friends because they try so hard to set me up! Bless their hearts. No matter how perfect they tell me the guy is, he is never interested. Ever. And when they basically tell me that they had to like warn him or whatever, well that’s just insulting. Warn him of what? I mean, I get it, I’m awkward, but like really? Well, I guess it’s my own fault. My friend tried to set me up one time and I got so tongue-tied that I just didn’t say a word the whole like hour we all hung out. I’ve also been one to blurt out random things that make no sense at all.

3. Strangers. Ok, so I might get a little carried away with that whole stranger-danger thing. One time, I was in Publix with two friends and we are in the check out line and this guy behind us starts talking to me and I’m like smiling and making conversation and trying to be nice back. And not even two seconds later, I am practically running out of the store. Why? I haven’t got a clue. I mean, he was just being nice! Anddd did I say practically? I meant literally. I literally ran out of the store. I could not get to the car fast enough.

4. Parents. They mean well, but they are still like parents and still know how to yank my chain and push my buttons. For example: I went on a cruise with my brother and sister at the beginning of summer and when we get back on land and I can finally use my phone again, I call my dad. His like first question: “did you meet any prospects?” No. What does he mean prospects? Like is this some kind of business transaction? Like go get the cows ready to trade for your daughter? Like are we in the 1800s? Then when I moved back to Mobile, my parents went to church with me and I’m sitting there minding my own business and my mama goes: “Who does he belong to?” Like what kind of question is that? I don’t even know this guy so, I have no idea if he has a girlfriend or not. Besides the fact that he is walking towards the youth group so, he has to be like 16 right? Like no. Just no. There are laws against that.

5. Online dating. I’ve tried it all. POF, Tinder, Match, Eharmony, Christian Mingle, etc. Not all of it was bad. Like I’ve certainly gotten better at ya know, general communication, and some of the guys were really nice! Although, there are a couple of stand outs. There was the guy that sent me a message stating that I would look good in Vans. I, of course, asked for clarification if he meant the shoes or like a mini van before ending that conversation. It was definitely the shoes. Still don’t get it. Then recently there was a guy that wanted me to wear his Army jacket. Like I know I’m awkward and all, but that’s just weird. I’m not wearing your clothes after like 5 minutes of conversation or like ever, for that matter. I have my own wardrobe and it’s pretty fabulous. Besides, aren’t there rules for those uniforms?

6. My favorite question: “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Umm are you trying to figure out what’s wrong with me? Because the answer is nothing. Well, I mean, I’m a sinner and to be honest, I have a long list of mistakes. I am so not about to list them though. You saved me. You forgave me. That is more than enough for me, so I won’t be spending my time focusing on the past. Because You loved me, I am changed. I am working to be better for You, not some guy that wants to know what’s wrong with me.

7. Waiting. Is like hard, I know. I get it. Sometimes it’s like reallyyy hard, but I am waiting because I would so much rather have Your plan than my own. My plan is short-sighted and doesn’t see the whole picture. Plus, You have written better love stories than I could ever even imagine. You are the Creator.

So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I keep my eyes and heart open. I pray that I follow your plan. I pray that I am receptive to your word and your guidance. I pray that you lead me. I pray that you send me where you need me. I pray that I go willingly. I pray that I keep my eyes focused on you. I pray that I grow in my relationship with you. I pray that you are preparing me for whatever comes next. I pray that I keep learning to be content. I also wanna pray that I learn to take a chill pill and relax when people ask me questions. I pray that I learn to let go of the bitterness and sensitivity. I pray that learn to be more like you. I pray that I share more of your love. I pray for courage and strength in the waiting. I pray that I remember there is a purpose for those who wait. I pray that I lean into You now. I pray that I let go of all my fear and doubt. I can’t do this on my own so I’ll give you control. I pray the pressure makes me stronger. I pray the struggle makes me hunger. I pray the hard lessons make the difference and the difference makes it worth it. Thank you for writing my story. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.