I prayed about a quote from Lysa Terkeurst a week or two ago that said: “As long as I daily make the choice to be guided by His truth, He replaces my hollowness with a wholeness of love that has no gaps.” But what does that mean “no gaps?”
To be honest, I have never been in love. I have no idea what true love is. I’ve had “crushes” and I’ve liked guys before, but the most that ever came out of it was friendship. I have confused friendship for love a few more times than I would care to admit, but I have never been truly in love. Love is completely out of my comfort zone. It’s out of my element. I have watched the movies, read the books, listened to the songs, had countless discussions, and done all the research, but I’ve never felt it. So, it comes to no surprise to me that I don’t understand love. I can’t comprehend it.
A lot of the love I have known is an if/then love. “If you do this or if you act like this then I’ll love you. If you act like this or if you do this then I won’t love you.” Unconditional love is a completely foreign concept to me. Plus, I am terrible at receiving things like love and even gifts. It’s not that I’m not grateful, it’s that I feel like I have to earn it or I’m not worthy of it.
Thank goodness, You’re love isn’t like that. I don’t have to earn it. It’s not an if/then thing. Whether I ever completely understand it or not, it’s there. Whether I ever realize the full definition of unconditional, it’s there. Whether I ever grasp the depth of You love, it’s there. Your love has no gaps. It is not changing. It is not ceasing. It is not failing. It is not gonna slow down over time. It is never going to end. There isn’t anything I can do to stop it and there isn’t anything I can do to make You love me more. It is the realest and most perfect thing that we have.
Last week, at my first Girl’s Night with church, we were asked what was holding us back from You. We were asked to write it on a piece of paper and lay it down, then take up our crosses. Matthew 16:24 says: Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. My mama used to tell me that I had a damsel in distress disorder. I wanted my Disney princess moment. I wanted the hero or prince to show up and save me. When I was younger, I actually wanted bad things to happen to me so, I could be rescued. Somehow over the years I created this need to hold onto past hurt and my victim card. I don’t need it anymore though because You saved me. You rescued me. You chose me. You love me. You love me with a kind a real, pure, intentional, unchangeable love.
I read something on Wednesday that believers are going to be asked “Did you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?” It said: “The real believers will respond and say ‘I believer in your love. And I tried to shape my life as a response to it.'”
So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I lay my hurt and struggle down. I pray that I let go of that need to hold on. I pray that I take up my cross for you. I pray that because you love me that I learn to love others the way you love me. I pray that I share your love with everyone around me. I pray that I accept the love you have for me. Thank you for loving me so deeply, intentionally, purely, unconditionally, and unchangeable. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for creating and making me. Thank you for giving me life and a purpose. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for loving me with no gaps. I pray that because of your love that I learn to live differently. I pray that I am changed. I pray that because you love me that I love more, give more, do more. I pray that I share your mercy and grace with those around me. I pray that I shape my life as a response to your love. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.