You bring healing to my soul.

A year ago today, Christopher gained a seat in Heaven with You. I think a big part of why I was so emotional and anxious all week was because I knew what today was. Which wasn’t fair to him or to You. I was reminded of when my person led a bible study last semester. She read the story of how You sent Jesus to feed the 5000 in the book of Mark chapter 6. What she told us what happened earlier that day is what the lesson was about. She said she hadn’t realized that the two events were the same day before, that she had always heard the stories separately. Which was the same for me too. We learned that earlier that day, John the Baptist was beheaded and You welcomed him to Heaven. We gathered from the stories that they were also best friends. So, this was going to be a rough day. Instead of saying hey, I need a day off to be by myself and deal. Which would have been understandable. He went to feed the 5000 with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. He prayed over the basket of food and sent the disciples to share the food and the baskets didn’t empty until all 5000 people had eaten and were satisfied. Instead of letting his bad day consume him, he continued to do Your work and did it with a glad and kind heart. I can only imagine that level of service and that kind of a giving heart. Lord, You amaze me.

So, today I am going to choose Your love. I am going to choose Your kindness. I am going to have joy in my heart because he is with You. I may not understand Your plan, but I have faith that there is a reason for everything. I still miss him, but today I choose to remember the good things. I choose to remember all the things he taught me. I choose to remember all the car talks and all the memories. I choose happiness. I choose to stop thinking about what I lost and think about what he gained. I choose Your eternal love and mercy. I choose to think about what You gave him in Heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says: He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I can’t even begin to try to understand what your plan is, but I have faith that he is with You and I have faith that You are with us today and everyday. I am putting my trust in You and Your faithfulness.

So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I listen to Kari Jobe’s words. I pray that I see Your light breaking through. I pray that I press into you. I pray that I will not fear. I pray that I remember Mark 6 and what you taught me. I pray that even on my dark days I see your love. I pray that I share that love. I pray that I keep seeing your grace and that I share your grace. I pray that you keep leading me. I pray that you keep moving me. I pray that Christopher’s friends and family are comforted today. I pray that you hold onto them today. I pray that you share your love with them today. I pray that you protect them. I pray that you guide them. Thank you for showing up for me and for them. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone. I pray that they know they aren’t alone either. I pray they choose love today too. I pray they reflect on the good and see the good you did in his life. I pray you help them today. Thank you for welcoming Christopher into Heaven. Thank you for taking care of him. Thank you for taking care of me and his loved ones. Thank you for surrounding us in your love. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.