Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.

I read in another blog that the reason women are so drawn to 50 shades is because they desire to be led, to be cared for. I like the idea of trying to understand the deeper meaning and not just the surface. I’m not a 50 shades fan, but I’m willing to admit I want to be led. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I can be completely independent and self sufficient. I don’t want someone to control me and make all the decisions for me. I want someone to lead me closer to You. I want someone to guide me through decisions and include me in his decisions. I want someone who deeply cares for me. I want someone who understands my needs and wants. I want someone who brings the best out of me and I want to do the same for him. I really liked what the author of the blog had to say:

“Women are wonderful, powerful and totally capable of caring for themselves. They possess a great dignity! People do not care for diamonds and pearls because they are worthless, but because they are filled with worth! And you are worth more that thousands of diamonds.”

A big lesson I learned in Old Fashioned was to be intentional. I needed this lesson. Another blog wrote about this. He discussed ways men need to be intentional and take the anxiety out of life. I am all about that! I’m not gonna lie, I am an anxious girl. I add unnecessary drama to my life, but for the past few years, I have been breaking the habit. Here is what he said to do and what I learned from it:

1. “Say what needs to be said.”

I am pretty good at this one. I’ve always been the kind of girl with her heart on her sleeve. If I like you, I’ll tell you. If I’m sorry, I’ll apologize. If I want forgiveness, I’ll ask for it. If I miss you, I’ll let you know. I’m pretty good at asking for what I need. What I won’t admit sometimes, is what I want, but I’m getting better at it. I’m learning that honesty is a powerful thing. I want someone to be intentional with me.

(Plus, I wanna learn that dance! It’s kinda adorable!!)

2. “Have our actions match our words.” 

What the writer was talking about was being deliberate with feelings and emotions. For me, I want to put action behind my desire to be led and to be more intentional. So, I’m going to participate in lent. I figured a forty day fast sounded perfect and the timing was just right so, here goes. I decided to give up my facebook, twitter, and all social media. Then while I was feeling confident, I was like why not take it a step further. So, goodbye netflix and hulu. I don’t think social media is bad! In fact, some of it can be really good, but I want to focus more on You. I want to spend more time with You. So, for forty days, I am going to spend more time in the scripture, read some devotion books, pray more, and start to work on my relationship with you. Maybe I’ll be counting down the days until I get facebook back, or maybe I won’t even miss it. Honestly, the longest I’ve been off social media is like a week for sorority recruitment. I haven’t been off this long since I started in like 2008 when I got facebook, but I was on myspace even before that. This might be more difficult than I realize, but lent starts today so, here goes!

3. “Live in reality.”

This one is a little trickier for me, as I like to daydream. I’m the girl that spends way too much time dreaming of the future. So, I’m going to try to live in reality. I’m going to learn to enjoy now. So, I’m gonna go to the park more. I’m gonna read more. I’m gonna spend more time with the people I love. I’m gonna quit obsessing and focusing on the future. I’m gonna let You lead me.

So, this is my prayer. I pray that I am brave. I pray that I let the light in. I pray that I grow closer to you. I pray that I become more intentional. I pray that I watch my words, my actions, and my daydreams. I pray that I spend more time with you. I pray that I never stop trying to move towards you. I pray that I keep my eyes focused on you. I pray that you guide me and lead me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.