“You need to stop holding yourself back. The pity party must cease and you must de-invite everyone to your darkest parts. You need to stop thinking you have never deserved good things for your life.”
Hannah Brencher has done it again. She always seems to know the exact words I need to hear. Yesterday, I was supposed to be packing. Part of me didn’t wanna pack because I’m scared to start the next chapter. (Even though the next chapter already started and I should just get a move on.) Mostly yesterday’s mood was because I threw a pity party and not only did I throw one that lasted the entire day, I invited people to it. (I don’t do anything half way so that pity party was pretty epic and spiraled pretty fast.) I felt like I didn’t deserve how good things were. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of all the good in my life. I am a sinner. I made mistakes. I hurt people I care about. I had a whole list. (I’m telling you I was in a terribleeee mood.) I felt like I was being punished, but the truth is, no one was punishing me except for me. I was waiting for someone to fix me and put the broken pieces together.
What I apparently forgot, is that You already did that. You already forgave me. You already put me back together. You already loved me. You already found me. You already rescued me. You already have plans for my life. You already know when I’m gonna need You. You are already there.
Lord, help me to forgive myself. I hold onto petty little mistakes for far too long and let them eat at me. I hold onto every single thing I do wrong. Lord, help me to let go. The only one that can control my mood is me. I need to stop waiting for someone else to make me happy and just be happy. The only one that can comfort me is You.
“Jesus replace my anxious thoughts with Your truth. Soothe my restless heart with Your peace. Help me find comfort in Your presence.”
So, this is my prayer today. I pray that I remember that your plan is greater than my own. I pray that I remember there is a purpose for every good and bad thing in my life. I pray I remember there is a purpose for every minute of every day and I shouldn’t waste anymore. I pray that I learn from my mistakes. I pray that today is a better day. I pray that I let go of the anxious thoughts and focus on you. I pray that I let go of all the negative thoughts. I pray that I am filled with your love. Thank you for already being there and already forgiving me and already loving me. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.