Yesterday, I had such a good morning. I felt great and I was in a great mood. My presentation went fabulously. Then it all just went downhill. I started to feel sick and then I got all self conscious and insecure for absolutely no reason at all. I let the fear creep in. It all started with that stinkin fortune cookie from last week that told me I needed to make new friends. Maybe they won’t have time for me anymore. Maybe our lives are in different places. Maybe they don’t even like me anyways and are looking for an excuse to get rid of me. I started freaking out about what’s going to happen next year and the year after and the year after and everything just got wayyy scary. That 10 year plan is like halfway over and sometimes, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Half the time I am still unsure of myself.
Then, as if I wasn’t emotional enough, I thought about Christopher and how much I missed him.
So, by this point, I wanted to curl up in my bed and hide. I was done with the day. I felt like even when I was happy and excited about my presentation that something was missing. I felt alone even though I was surrounded by people that loved me. All of my fears were completely irrational.
I realized that none of it was about me. It was about You. Lord, I need You.
“Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with You”
I realized that even though I was in a terrible mood, good things could happen and I could fly.
So, that is my prayer today. I pray that I wake up renewed today. I pray that I let go of my fears, my pride, and whatever is holding me back. I pray that I look to you. I pray that I am filled with you. I pray that you empty me. I pray that I learn to fly on the way down. I pray that I focus on you. I pray that you take my life and use it for your will. I pray that you keep guiding me. I pray that you keep using me. I pray that I learn to let go. I pray that I let go of my 10 year plan. I pray that I let go of all my plans. I pray that I hold on tighter to you and your plan. I pray that I am filled with your love. I pray that I share your love. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.