We won’t be ruined.

Thought Catalog posted this article called “10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be” by Tim Hoch.

1. “You ascribe intent.”

Way to start the article off by calling me out. This first one caught my attention and really got me thinking. I do this way too often. I take things too personally. I take them straight to my heart and I dwell on them for days. I let one little thing that one person said affect my whole outlook. I try to stay very positive, but if I’m being honest with myself, it doesn’t take much to take away my positivity. I need to work on this. I need to stop jumping to conclusions about other’s behaviors and opinions towards me.

2. “You’re the star of your own movie.”

“…people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.”

I need to remember to give my script to You, Lord. I am not the star here, You are. I need to remember that you write better stories than I ever could. I need to remember that you have the control over my life. I need to stop letting others have power over me. I need to stop imagining what is happening next and just enjoy the present.

3. “You fast forward to apocalypse.”

Tim Hoch, how do you know my life so well? Like I do this daily! I have gotten better at this though. All through high school I did this! When bad things happen I was always ready for the worst. It’s good to be prepared, but I needed to calm down. Sometimes the mountains really are just molehills.

4. “You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.”

We are taught as children when you need something communicate it. (For a little while we communicate by crying and screaming. Maybe I just didn’t learn past that baby stage.) I expect people to do things because that is what I would do, but not everyone can read my mind. No one knows what I want or need until I tell them.

5. “You are waiting for a sign.”

I don’t think I have a problem waiting, rather than missing the signs that are blatantly obvious to everyone else. Sometimes, I am completely clueless.

6. “You don’t take risks.”

I got this one. I think I am too good at this one. Every single time I like a guy, I make some kind of declaration and tell him. It is unbearably awkward. I watch too many rom coms where people don’t tell each other that they love each other. So, I got it in my head that I wasn’t going to be that person. I was going to admit my feelings and let the pieces fall where they may. I had this idea that one day someone would like me back and it would make sense why the others never did.

7. “You constantly compare your life to others.”

Ok. I get it. I’m working on it. This one has been told me to quite a few times lately.

8. “You let other people steal from you.”

“If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.”

This one. I can’t even. My mind is blown. Wow. I never thought of it like that, but it totally clicked.

9. “You can’t/won’t let go.”

“These are getting a little harder aren’t they?”

I’m sitting here agreeing that the list is getting harder, but I had no idea how deep things were about to get.

“Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?”

Woah! This is where I started crying.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to ‘manage’ your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.”

Excuse me, Tim Hoch, have we met? Because you seem to know way too much about me. I am so glad he said there was no such thing as closure. People have talked about closure a lot, especially right after the funerals. I never found any. I never understood what it meant. I know they are in Heaven. I have faith in that. I have faith that You are taking care of them and of me and all the people that loved them. I may not have found closure but I did find a better relationship with You, Lord.

10. “You don’t give back.”

“One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.”

I love this one!! He said “get involved in life.” I love that especially since I felt like I was watching my life slip away. I was sitting on the sidelines of my own life. I felt like I had no control over anything. I felt like things and people were being taken from me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Then I remembered this song.

So, this is my prayer. I pray that I take Love & The Outcome’s song with me this week. I pray that I remember that you are with me always. I pray that I remember this list. I pray that I continue to grow. I pray that I continue to work on my relationship with you and with those around me. I pray that I keep trying. I pray that I keep moving. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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