Some days grief is just a little heavier than most days. It sneaks up on me to remind me, I’m still missing folks. But I will see my sweet friend again. With You, God, even the darkest of the dark has a light, because You are the light.
Even the most unbearable pain has a way out. Even the most tragic sin has a way out. Even the worst moment has a way out. Lord, if we would only surrender to You. Working in a group home and fostering taught me one thing above all, there is always a way out. Of the tragedy that sought me out. Of the mess I made myself. Of the things threatening me to take me out. Of the triggers trying to keep me in the hurt places. Of the reminders of pain trying to keep me angry. Of the darkness trying to keep me numb and blind.
Lord, yes, there is unimaginable pain in this world. But that is the not the end of the story. There is so much goodness in this world. There is unexplainable peace. There is unfathomable joy. There is light greater than the darkness. There is grace. There is mercy. There is healing. There is hope. You are the way. You are the truth. You are the life. You alone, can change my story. You alone, can change my heart.
The most beautiful part is that I can come to You with all my broken, messy bits. And You love me back together. You love me too much to leave me broken and messy. You leave me better than You found me. You showed me so much more than I could ever imagine. You filled my emptiness. You filled my life with so much goodness. You lit up my darkness and called the darkness to leave. You gave me a home. You gave me love, peace, and joy that surpasses all understanding. You freed me.
You rescued me from the darkness that threatened to overtake me. You pulled me out of the pit I selfishly dug to protect myself. You broke the chains that others placed on me. You showed me another way to live. You showed me more grace than I deserved. You took the punishment I couldn’t bear. You took my pain and turned it into this beautiful love letter to others that have hurt places too. You not only changed my story, but every other story that I play a role in too. Every page my name is written on, now has a different message. Instead of my name bringing more pain, I bring You with me. My life has a new legacy.
So, this is my prayer today. Only you, Lord, know where my story could have reared it’s ugly head. Only you know my darkest thoughts and sins. And yet you love me still. You love me more than I even understand. And you love the ones I love even more than I do. And you love the ones that hurt me that I struggle to love. You gave the ultimate sacrifice. You are the ultimate story of redemption. You are the end and the beginning. You are the Alpha and the Omega. You are the literal definition of love. You created life. You are soo soo good and you want a relationship with me. Me, who causes havoc. Me, who instigates. Me, who seeks out the very things that hurt me. I am fully aware that I am my very own worst enemy. I self-sabotage. You want to know me. You want to love me. You want to heal me. You want to set me free. You want to walk with me, talk with me, spend time with me. You pulled me right out of the grave. Lord, I am so thankful for all you’ve done in my life and in those around me. Lord, I am so thankful to know you and to build that relationship with you. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all of those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.