The Artidote reposted this from Tyler Ford and I saw it because it was shared on my newsfeed.
“do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for ‘too long,’
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.
but you will never be
and have never been
Jesus, I wanted to tell that cool kid, it gets better. Because one day you’re turning 30 and you are going on and on and on about something and then you’ll stop and look at this God lovin man sittin beside you. He’ll give you a funny look, laugh sweetly, and say: “did you just annoy yourself?” And you’ll say “yessss, ok” and smile back because you have the freedom to be who you are, to be completely content as you are. The freedom to be absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt annoying, fully embraced.
But even better than that is when that sweet man will point me back to You, the One who created me as I am. That man accepts me completely and fully, but also loves me too much to leave me the way I am. When he sees me acting a fool, he quiets everything around me and says stop. Lord, have mercy, I need that. He doesn’t yell or join in my fire. He puts out the fire and calms me. Privately, just between me and You, God. He invites You into our conversations. When he sees me spiraling, he pulls out of the pit and points me back to You. He reflects Your love to me in a deeper way. He ain’t perfect and You know I ain’t either, but somehow loving him makes my relationship with You even stronger.
Lord, You are the only one who never gets annoyed with us. You are the only one who wants to hear from us every minute of the day. We are not too much for you. We are not lacking for you. I read this book, You are special by Max Lucado, to the kids at church last Sunday. It was about not listening to what others say about you and coming to the You, the One who created us, instead. Because what You say about us is worth so much more and we can stand in the full light of the truth. I thought I was reading it for the kids, but I guess it was for me this week too.
It’s real easy to see my shortcomings when things are tough. Especially when someone confirms my pesky little theories about myself. Because Satan will whisper, I am not enough, I am too much, I am this and that. Then he will whisper it to those who love me so they believe it about me too. But, Lord, you are the still, small voice like a lighthouse in the storm, guiding me home. You are telling me how much You love me and how much You gave just to know me. Just to hear my annoying stories and my not funny jokes. The voice you feed is the one that grows. If we listen to the evil voices in our head spreading poison, it will spread. If we listen to the life giving truth You offer, it will spread and fill those empty places. The more time we spend with You, the more we will be able to silence those whispers. We have to stay diligent and listen for Your voice. It’s a battle, that much is guaranteed, but we also know who already won the war.
So, this is my prayer today. I pray for the girl who shared the post. I pray for the kid who wrote it. I pray for 13 yr old me, 20 yr old me, and 30 yr old me. I pray that I keep learning and growing. I pray that I keep finding people that listen. I pray I keep finding people that point me back to You. I pray I keep going back to You to find my value, my worth, my place in this world and the next. This place is not my home and no matter how good it gets here, there is always better coming. Heaven is waiting. You, my Creator, my Abba Father, my Lord and Savior are preparing a place for me. You never left me and you never left them either. Thank you for wanting a relationship with me. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for giving me peace beyond understanding. Thank you for giving me discernment. Thank you for giving me wisdom beyond my years. Thank you for giving me a life I love, people that love me, and the strength to keep going. And as always I pray for my family and sorority sisters. I pray for my university. I pray for guidance for our government, church, and school leaders. I pray for protection for our troops. I pray for all those that need you now and for those that haven’t met you yet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.